I've decided to go into the music publishing business and have acquired all these titles. I reckon they would best serve as country music songs.
Now all I have to do is find someone to sing them.
"Here's a Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares."
"How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?"
"How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?"
"I Been Roped and Throwed by Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral."
"I Can't Love Your Body if Your Heart's Not In It"
"I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling."
"I Fell In A Pile Of You, And Got Love All Over Me"
"I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart."
"I Meant Every Word That He Said"
"I Wanna Whip Your Cow"
"I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She's Out of Town."
"I Would Have Writ You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yecch!"
"I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win"
"I'd Rather Have a Bottle in Front of Me than a Frontal Lobotomy."
"I'll Get Over You, as Soon as You Get Out From Under Him"
"I'm Gonna Hire a Wino to Decorate our Home."
"I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield of Life."
"I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here"
"I've Got Four On the Floor and a Fifth Under The Seat"
"I've Got Tears in My Ears From Lying on My Back in My Bed 'n' Cryin' Over You."
"If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You"
"If It's Got To Be Later, How 'Bout Later Tonight?"
"If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low"
"If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will"
"It Takes Me All Night Long To Do, What I Used To Do, All Night Long"
"Learning to Live Again is Killing Me."
"My Every Day Silver Is Plastic"
"My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus"
"My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him"
"Oh, I've Got Hair Oil on My Ears, and My Glasses are Slipping Down, but Baby I Can See Through You."
"Oh, Lord! It's Hard to be Humble When You're Perfect in Every Way"
"Please Bypass This Heart"
"She Got the Gold Mine, and I Got the Shaft"
"She Got the Ring, I Got the Finger."
"She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty"
"She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without."
"Swing Wide Your Gate of Love"
"They May Put me in Prison, but They Can't Stop My Face from Breakin' Out."
"When the Phone Don't Ring, Baby, you'll Know it's me."
"You Can't Deal Me All the Aces and Expect Me Not to Play."
"You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat."
"You're Ruining my Bad Reputation."
"You're The Reason Our Baby's So Ugly"