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Thursday, March 31, 2011

Clothes Line History . . .

I remember the clotheslines stretched all across the backyard at our house in Omaha. And boy, did the clothes smell good when my Mom brought them in . . . especially, fresh sheets on the bed at night. In the winter the lines were strung all over the basement, but never smelled as good and took a lot longer to dry!


You have to be a certain age to appreciate this.

THE BASIC RULES FOR CLOTHESLINES:

(If you don't know what clotheslines are, better skip this.)

1. You had to wash the clothes line before hanging any clothes--walk the entire lengths of each line with a damp cloth around the lines.

2. You had to hang the clothes in a certain order, and always hang "whites" with "whites," and hang them first.

3. You never hung a shirt by the shoulders, always by the tail! What would the neighbors think?

4. Wash day on a Monday!...Never hang clothes on the weekend, or Sunday, for Heaven's sake!

5. Hang the sheets and towels on the outside lines so you could hide your "unmentionables" in the middle (perverts & busybodies, y'know!).

6. It didn't matter if it was sub zero
weather...clothes would "freeze-dry."

7. Always gather the clothes pins when taking down dry clothes! Pins left on the lines were "tacky!"

8. If you were efficient, you would line the clothes up so that each item did not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins with the next washed item. 9. Clothes off of the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the clothes basket, and ready to be ironed.

10. IRONED? Well, that's a whole other
subject!

A CLOTHESLINE POEM

A clothesline was a news forecast
To neighbors passing by,
There were no secrets you could keep
When clothes were hung to dry.

It also was a friendly link
For neighbors always knew,
If company had stopped on by
To spend a night or two.

For then you'd see the "fancy sheets"
And towels upon the line;
You'd see the "company table cloths"
With intricate designs.

The line announced a baby's birth
From folks who lived inside -
As brand new infant clothes were hung,
So carefully with pride!

The ages of the children could
So readily be known
By watching how the sizes changed,
You'd know how much they'd grown!

It also told when illness struck,
As extra sheets were hung;
Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe, too,
Haphazardly were strung.

It also said, "Gone on vacation now"
When lines hung limp and bare.
It told, "We're back!" when full lines sagged, with not an inch to spare!

New folks in town were scorned upon
If wash was dingy and gray,
As neighbors carefully raised their brows,
And looked the other way.

But clotheslines now are of the past,
For dryers make work much less.
Now what goes on inside a home
Is anybody's guess!

I really miss that way of life. It was a friendly sign.
When neighbors knew each other best by what hung on the line.

The "Green Thing" . . .

In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that plastic bags weren't good for the environment. The woman apologized to her and explained, “We didn't have the green thing back in my day.”

That’s right, they didn't have the green thing in her day. Back then, they returned their milk bottles, Coke bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, using the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But they didn't have the green thing back her day.

In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. They walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time they had to go two blocks. But she’s right. They didn't have the green thing in her day.

Back then, they washed the baby’s diapers because they didn't have the throw-away kind. They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts – wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right, they didn't have the green thing back in her day.

Back then, they had one TV, or radio, in the house – not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a pizza dish, not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In the kitchen, they blended and stirred by hand because they didn't have electric machines to do everything for you. When they packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, they used wadded up newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, they didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power. They exercised by working so they didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she’s right, they didn't have the green thing back then.

They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty, instead of using a throw-away cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water. They refilled pens with ink, instead of buying a new pen, and they replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But they didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar and kids rode their bikes to school or rode the school bus, instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. They had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But that old lady is right. They didn't have the green thing back in her day.

Relativity of Wealth . . .

Why Missouri Has No Illegal Aliens . . .

A state that uses the residents' tax dollars to please the residents! What a unique idea!*

Missouri's approach to the problem of illegal immigration appears to be more advanced, sophisticated, strict and effective than anything to date in Arizona ..

Do the loonies in San Francisco , or the White House, appreciate what Missouri has done?

So, why doesn't Missouri receive attention?

Answer: There are no Mexican illegals in Missouri.

The "Show Me" state has once again shown us how it should be done.

There needs to be more publicity and exposure regarding what Missouri as done.

In 2007,Missouri placed on the ballot a proposed constitutional amendment designating English as the official language of Missouri

In November, 2008, nearly 90% voting in favor! Thus English became the official language for ALL governmental activity in Missouri.

No individual has the right to demand government services in a language OTHER than English.

In 2008 a measure was passed that required the Missouri Highway Patrol and other law enforcement officials to verify the immigration status of any person arrested, and inform federal authorities if the person is found to be in Missouri illegally.

Missouri law enforcement offices receive specific training with respect to enforcement of federal immigration laws.

In 2009 a measure was passed that ensures Missouri's public institutions of higher education do NOT award financial aid to individuals who are illegally in the United States.

In Missouri all post-secondary institutions of higher education have to annually certify to the Missouri Dept. of Higher Education that they have NOT knowingly awarded financial aid to students who are unlawfully present in the United States.

So while Arizona has made national news for its new law, it is important to remember, Missouri has been far more proactive in addressing this horrific problem.

Missouri has made it clear that illegal immigrants are NOT welcome in the state and they will certainly NOT receive public benefits at the expense of Missouri taxpayers.

Here is the link to confirm. Be sure to read the readers comments too.

http://www.ozarkssentinel.com/missouri-ahead-of-the-game-in-dealing-with-illegal-immigrants-p1034.htm

Taken from: "The Ozarks Sentinel" Editorial - Nita Jane Ayres, May 13, 2010. If the link does not work, just type in "The Ozarks Sentinel - Nita Jane Ayres" in Google.

Elephant Slaughter Sparks Outrage

GoDaddy CEO's graphic elephant slaughter video sparks outrage

http://huff.to/fhDE8c

Cats Having a Bad Day . . .

video

Nice work, if you can get it . . .

Staff Meeting

The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!http://cdn-cf.aol.com/se/smi/2b00003233/16

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations w ere acceptable.


About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List.. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone! The top 10 were:

10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.

8. Viagra, like a rock !

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra , Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!

And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your peepee... This is your peepee on drugs
The Paper's "Man About Town"





I’m indebted to good friend and brilliant chiropractor, Dr. Steve Heilman, for steering me to a new eatery that has simply amazed me.

The Hungry Bear Sub Shop is located just off of Centre City Parkway at El Norte Parkway, 302 D W. El Norte Parkway, about two doors down from Blockbuster.

I was hungry one day and Steve pointed me to this eatery and I ordered a hot pastrami sandwich. It stood about 3.5-4” high, was large enough to feed a squad of hungry Marines, and was priced at about $6.50. What a buy! What a tasty sandwich! I’ve eaten there three times already and intend on eating there a lot more often.

Not only is the food great but Mia, the co-owner, with her son, is a former flight attendant with Pan Am. A stunning beauty herself, she has hired only gals who are not only beautiful but smart and good looking. (Remember back when flight attendants were all gorgeous? With lovely smiles and well groomed? Not frumpy and grumpy like some flight attendants today?)

Check it out. Tell ‘em Dr. Steve sent you . . . and that lovely, dear, dear person, lyle davis.

While we’re on the subject of eateries, I don't know if you’re familiar with Five Guys Restaurants or not. They are in the LA area and have just expanded to San Diego County with one location in San Marcos. We decided to give them a try.

A quiet, romantic, intimate restaurant, it is not. It is raucous. Lines of people (though fast moving) enter the building, corridors built of 50 lbs sacks of Idaho potatoes (a clever marketing/merchandising gimmick) guide you to the ordering station, you then either stand around and wait or grab a table and wait for them to call your number. Meanwhile, you grab a couple trays of salted peanuts in the shell, to munch on while you await your number being called. It really doesn't take all that long before your order is ready and it's great people watching time.

It was a nice crowd, mostly young folks, but a few old codgers, like us. Loud music playing to the point it was difficult to hear what your table mate was saying. Finally, they called number 10 and I dutifully went to claim our feast. I had the regular hamburger, which comes with two patties . . . all the fixin's you want. Evelyn had the smaller cheeseburger, we shared a large order of French Fries (get the small french fries; the large is waaaaaay too big, even for two people). Malt vinegar at the table was super for the fries. That's the way the Brits eat their chips (fries) and it's the only way to properly enjoy fries. Catsup is passe'.

I had read all the raves about Five Guys Hamburgers and how they were just the finest thing money could buy for $5. Well, maybe. I thought it was a fine tasting hamburger . . . probably a shade above In N Out Burgers . . .but not by much. But I didn't think it deserved quite the raves I had read about. An excellent hamburger for $5. That's accurate. Any more than that is hyperbole.

The restaurant itself is . . . interesting. But probably not the type of restaurant I'd go rushing back to. You can order on line, go and pick up the burgers waiting for you; not even sure I'd do that. An interesting experience. Glad we went there . . . not sure I'll rush right back.

One place I do go often is the new Souplantation in Escondido. This month their featured soup was classic tomato. Last time there I had three bowls of classic tomato, two bowls of delicious chicken noodle (large chunks of white chicken meat, huge, thick noodles, tasty broth), one bowl of tomato rice soup, which was only okay, and one bowl of clam chowder. Their clam chowder, to me, is more like potato soup with, perhaps, a few clams tucked in somewhere. Today is the last day for March’s special on classic tomato soup . . . rich, thick, almost to the point of being crunchy. Not sure when tomato soup will be featured again . . . but I want more!

The salad bar is, of course, alway delicious; lots of extras, pizza slices, corn bread, blue berry muffins, ice cream, yogurt, dressings . . . and then, of course, you can always go back for more soup.

We met long time friend and fellow Kiwanian, Nick Ponce, and his wife Sharon, there; they were dining with daughter and son-in-law, Lisa and Anthony Roner, and granddaughter, Katie and grandson, Kyle. Kyle is a budding gourmand, having prepared a gourmet treat, in his eyes at least, of mixing ice cream in his chicken noodle soup. Hey, stranger things have happened and they became delicacies!

We’ve been known to get around various restaurants throughout North County and we’ll be happy to point out the better ones. (The bad ones we don’t review; I don’t see my mission in life to trash another business. I do see as my mission in life to let people know where they’ll find good food, good service, and fair prices.

• • • • •

Sharp-eyed readers of The Paper will have noticed that a rather distinguished barrister has commenced advertising with us. None other than Thor Emblem . . . he of stentorian tone and handsome, well trimmed, beard. Well, Thor is a might fine fella, mighty talented. But we have our eyes on his bride, Tracy Emblem, also a brilliant attorney. Tracy has run for elective office a number of times but what sticks with me is the brilliant legal job she did, and pro bono, by the way (pro bono means free) and managed to prove a man innocent and got him out of jail. That is both a formidable and an admirable task.

It is such a huge task that we hope to interview her, go over the files, and follow the case from beginning to end and show you just what she did and how she did it. It should make for one of the more interesting cover stories. Not sure of the publication date yet . . . but it is coming soon!

• • • • •

Good friend, Randy Taylor, he who has owned and operated the outstanding Escondido Mattress Factory for 54 years, is due to have an even brighter outlook on life . . . and soon.

This week he had cataract surgery on his left eye at the Veteran’s Administration Hospital in La Jolla. Next month he gets his right eye done. Great news for one of Escondido’s nicest guys. His right hand gal, Laurie Hippert, has been acting as chauffeur, office manager, sales manager, and Chief Cheerleader for Randy. If you know Randy, drop in and say hello and wish him well on his recovery; if you don’t know Randy, drop in and introduce yourself. You’ll be a richer person for knowing Randy and Laurie.

• • • • •

If you love Tri-Tip sandwiches as much as I do, you can have a regular feast tomorrow, April 1st, when the Salvation Army offers a meal consisting of a tri-tip beef sandwich, bag of chips, three bean salad, dessert from Nemo’s bakery, and a bottle of water, all for $10. You can stop by and get the fixin’s at the Salvation Army offices at 1301 Las Villas Way, Escondido. Or, if you’ve got a group of neighbors, or an office group, and can come up with an order of 10 or more, they’ll even deliver for you. Call 760.745.8016, extension 100. It’s a neat fund raiser for an outstanding organization that does a world of good for a whole lot of people. Any time disaster hits, the Salvation Army is right there. Their admin costs are tiny; most of the money goes directly to the people who need help.

God versus Science

I received this from a dear friend who knows that I am an infidel, a heathen, a skeptic, a free-thinker. He knows that my religious beliefs are most closely aligned with that of the Baha'i and/or Deism. Still, it is an interesting philosophical discussion I enjoyed reading. Take a look:

The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks
one of his new students to stand.

'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'

'Yes sir,' the student says.

'So you believe in God?'

'Absolutely. '

'Is God good?'

'Sure! God's good.'

'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'

'Yes'

'Are you good or evil?'

'The Bible says I'm evil.'

The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible! He considers for a moment.
'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can
cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'

'Yes sir, I would.'

'So you're good...!'

'I wouldn't say that.'

'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could.
Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. 'He doesn't, does
he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to
Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent. 'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He
takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to
relax. 'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'

'Er..yes,' the student says.

'Is Satan good?'

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'

'Then where does Satan come from?'

The student falters. 'From God'

'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in
this world?'

'Yes, sir..'

'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'

'Yes'

'So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created everything,
then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle
that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'

Again, the student has no answer. 'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred?
Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'

The student squirms on his feet. 'Yes.'

'So who created them?'

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question.
'Who created them?' There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks
away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. 'Tell me,'
he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?'

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use to
identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'

'No sir. I've never seen Him.'

'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'

'No, sir, I have not..'

'Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have
you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that
matter?'

'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'

'Yet you still believe in him?'

'Yes'

'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol,
science says your God doesn't exist... What do you say to that, son?'

'Nothing,' the student replies.. 'I only have my faith.'

'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has
with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His
own. 'Professor, is there such thing as heat? '

' Yes.'

'And is there such a thing as cold?'

'Yes, son, there's cold too.'

'No sir, there isn't.'

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room
suddenly become s very quiet. The student begins to explain. 'You can have
lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white
heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We
can hit down to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go
any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would
be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees. Everybody or object is
susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes
a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the
total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe
the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal
units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just
the absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding
like a hammer.

'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'

'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation. 'What is night if it isn't
darkness?'

'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of
something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing
light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called
darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In
reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness
darker, wouldn't you?'

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a
good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?'

'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start
with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. 'Flawed? Can you
explain how?'

'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains. 'You
argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God.
You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can
measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.' 'It uses electricity
and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To
view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death
cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just
the absence of it.' 'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that
they evolved from a monkey?'

'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes,
of course I do.'

'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where
the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot
even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching
your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has
subsided. 'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other
student, let me give you an example of what I mean.' The student looks
around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the
professor's brain?' The class breaks out into laughter. 'Is there anyone
here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain,
touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So,
according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable
protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.'
'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?'

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face
unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. 'I
Guess you'll have to take them on faith.'

'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,'
the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?' Now
uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it Everyday.
It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in The
multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These
manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does
not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like
darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of
God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man
does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes
when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'

The professor sat down.

If you read it all the way through and had a smile on your face when you
finished, mail to your friends and family with the title 'God vs. Science'

PS: the student was Albert Einstein. Albert Einstein wrote a book titled God vs. Science in 1921...

However, following his college years, he, too, became a Deist/Agnostic.

Ferrari

Crank it Up!

Shell Gas Commercial


Here's a Shell commercial shown in Europe.

Ostensibly, they're selling gasoline, but the cars used in the video steal the show.

Ferrari pulled several of their original race cars from various ages out of storage, flew them around the world, and filmed them running through the streets of Rome, Rio, New York, Hong Kong, Honolulu, and Monaco.

The best part is the sound - from the basso-profundo notes of the early, front-engine era, each scene cuts to a later generation, ending with the wail of a modern F1 car.

The sounds alone bring a tear to the eye. Even if you're not a gearhead, this video will stir the soul.

There's just something about 3 liters and 14,000 RPM!




http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=1_kwxzU4wL4&vq=medium

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Would you marry again?

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over
At him and asks the question....

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married
again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do.."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? "

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes Audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house.."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."

WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- Silence --

HUSBAND:
"shit."

At last! What we've waited 20 years to see!

video

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Government Job

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Ok, have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points
toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my
testicles. I have a limited physical disability."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough
points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from
8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan
on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to
4:00 pm, why do you want me here at 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two
hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our
balls -- No point in you coming in for that."

Twilight Landing at LAX - cockpit view

It's nearly impossible for 'outsiders' to get a view of what those lucky pilots get to see all the time. In fact, sometimes we take the beauty and awesomeness for granted. It's only right to share the blessings!

Pass it around.


Note that the time is compressed 10-1.

30 minutes compressed into 3




http://www.flixxy.com/twilight-landing-los-angeles-airport-cockpit-view.htm

Great for Vegetarians . . .

Oh, yeah? Prove it!

There's this pig farm in Katy, Texas . . . .

One of the best parts is watching Shepard Smith report, and hearing his camera crew dying laughing.

Life's tough pilgrim, and it's even tougher if you're stupid ~ John Wayne

The Muslims move in and tell the pig farmer in Katy, Texas to sell his pigs or move out! Leave it up to Texans to figure out a solution.

God bless Texas !

Click here:
http://www.youtube.com/embed/dUr1NxJDC94?rel=0

The Police Chaplain

One of the many reasons I enjoy my Kiwanis Club so much is programs such as we had this morning.

Pastor Dick Huls, a retired pastor, also serves as one of six Chaplains for the Escondido Police Department (about 160 sworn officers, about 100 staff members).

In the course of his service as Chaplain he learned a number of things that are startling to those of us who are 'civilians' and not always aware of what happens within police departments nationwide.

There is, for example, about an 85% divorce rate within the ranks of law enforcement. The rate of suicide for police officers is about three times the national average. While he didn't quote a percentage, he did say that the number of incidents of spousal abuse were 'outrageous,' which suggests a very high percentage. Constant pressures, constant exposure to pain and suffering, often within their own ranks, contributes to these high figures.

After the meeting I discussed these figures with a close personal friend who is a CPA. "Well," he said, "those figures, while high, may be misleading. For example, you may have 10 officers, two of whom have been divorced three times; that's six divorces out of 10. Another two officers have one divorce each, there's your 80% . . . so it's not like 8 out of every 10 cops are getting divorced."

"Yes," sez me, "but those cops who get divorced three times also concern me. If they can't get along with at least one of three wives . . . what does that say about their ability to cope with society . . . particularly those within the society who are troubled?'

Even those of us who work with law enforcement and think we are reasonably well versed on that world find that we are really rather poorly informed. Part of this is because, of necessity, police departments form something of a 'closed society.' Even the best of personal friends are seldom invited in to the inner circles of police fraternities. Much of what goes on within police work simply could not be well understood by lay people.

Often, police deal with the dregs of society . . . they deal with child abusers, spouse abusers, murderers, rapists, pedophiles . . . they see death in various forms, natural as well as violent. All of this tends to put more stress on police than the average citizen.
Then, after all the hard and dirty work is done, the see judges put the bad guys back on the street with little more than a slap on the wrist.

They earn their pay and then some.

Incidentally, if you are local to North San Diego County and want an absolutely brilliant speaker, call my friend, Pastor Dick Huls. Or, call or email me, and I'll put you in touch with him. Whether Dick is talking about his profession as a beekeeper or as a police Chaplain, he holds his audience spellbound.

I guarantee, whatever Dick speaks on, you will come away enlightened and entertained.

Monday, March 28, 2011

I awakened this morning and a miracle had happened!

The arthritis in my right shoulder was completely gone! Where I had only been able to lift my right arm to about the level of my neck, I was now able to lift it straight up in the air; not a twinge of pain or discomfort!

I hopped out of bed, went to the vanity and tested my blood sugar. Completely normal! I looked in the mirror . . . my hair was dark brown, no wrinkles in my face or arms or hands. No bags under my eyes! I could read the fine print on the medicine bottles! I stepped on the scale and I had lost 50 lbs. overnight! I was now 165 lbs . . . the same weight I was when I finished basic training in the Army half a century ago!

I was full of energy and felt like going for about a two mile run. Not a walk. Not a jog, but a run!

If this be a continued dream, then I don't ever wanna wake up! It's so great to be young and full of vim, vigor, and vitality again! Don't know why I ever allowed myself to age in the first place.

Growing old ain't for sissies, y'know.

Just another day in Paradise.



This is exactly how I looked when I awakened this morning.
Notice the brown hair? The slender body? Not sure who
that blond haired tyke is . . . just might be my eldest son,
Scott, watching daddy as he makes a parachute jump.
(Naw, couldn't be. That was long, long ago.)

US Military "Kill Team" Ambush . . .

I've debated whether to post this link or not. It's very graphic. Very.

A US military "Kill Team" ambushed two Afghanis who may or may not have been armed. I don't know the background of the two Afghanis . . . or the circumstances that led up to the ambush.

Just one more example that war is, indeed, hell.

Again, the video is very, very graphic. Your decision as to whether to watch or not.

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/photos/motorcyle-kill-20110327/0692075

Sunday, March 27, 2011

You're an Extreme Redneck When . . .

You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. '

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.




NOW Y’ALL HAVE A GOOD DAY

Military Rules of Engagement

Marine Corps Rules:

1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.'
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice.. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot..

Navy SEAL's Rules:

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.

US Army Rangers Rules:

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

US Army Rules:

1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.

US Air Force Rules:

1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask 'What is a gunfight?'
5. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine ''key" Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.

( And I Love This Next One)

US Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines

(Go Navy !)

And the next... (You've got to love the military, and God bless them all.)

U.S. Navy Directive 16134 ( Inappropriate T-Shirts )

The following directive was issued by the commanding officer of all naval installations in the Middle East .
(It was obviously directed at the Marines.)

To: All Commands
Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts
Ref: ComMidEast For Inst 16134//24 K

All commanders promulgate upon receipt. The following T-shirts are no longer to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian personnel serving in the Middle East :

1. 'Eat Pork or Die'
[both English and Arabic versions]


2. 'Shrine Busters'
[Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery shells impacting Islamic shrines. Some with unit logos.]


3. 'Goat - it isn't just for breakfast any more.'
[Both English and Arabic versions]


4. 'The road to Paradise begins with me.'
[Mostly Arabic versions, but some in English. Some show sniper scope cross-hairs.]


5. 'Guns don't kill people. I kill people.'
[Both Arabic and English versions]


6. 'Pork. The other white meat.'
[Arabic version]


7. 'Infidel'
[English, Arabic and other coalition force languages.]

The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt of this directive.

In addition, the following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this message:

1.. 'Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range at 0800 Daily.'

2.. 'Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?'



All commands are instructed to implement sensitivity training upon receipt.

Earthquake Predictor?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CndhaX9AglI&feature=youtube_gdata_player

The Rectum Stretcher

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, and asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

Oh, yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket - $95.00
Court Costs - $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face? PRICELESS!
Apologies if this offends anyone, but the author feels very strongly about this, and it needs to be said .........


Barack OBAMA, During his Cairo speech, said: "I know, too, that Islam has always been a part of America 's history."

AN AMERICAN CITIZEN'S RESPONSE:

Dear Mr. Obama:

Were those Muslims that were in America when the Pilgrims first landed?
Funny, I thought they were Native American Indians.

Were those Muslims that celebrated the first Thanksgiving Day?
Sorry again, those were Pilgrims and Native American Indians.

Can you show me one Muslim signature on the United States Constitution?
Declaration of Independence?
Bill of Rights?

Didn't think so.

Did Muslims fight for this country's freedom from England? No.

Did Muslims fight during the Civil War to free the slaves in America ? No, they did not.

In fact, Muslims to this day are still the largest traffickers in human slavery. Your own half brother, a devout Muslim, still advocates slavery himself, even though Muslims of Arabic descent refer to black Muslims as "pug nosed slaves." Says a lot of what the Muslim world really thinks of your family's "rich Islamic heritage," doesn't it Mr. Obama?

Where were Muslims during the Civil Rights era of this country? Not present.

There are no pictures or media accounts of Muslims walking side by side with Martin Luther King, Jr. or helping to advance the cause of Civil Rights.

Where were Muslims during this country's Woman's Suffrage Era? Again, not present.

In fact, devout Muslims demand that women are subservient to men in the Islamic culture. So much so, that often they are beaten for not wearing the 'hajib' or for talking to a man who is not a direct family member or their husband. Yep, the Muslims are all for women's rights, aren't they?

Where were Muslims during World War II? They were aligned with Adolf Hitler. The Muslim Grand mufti himself met with Adolf Hitler, reviewed the troops and accepted support from the Nazi's in killing Jews.

Finally, Mr. Obama, where were Muslims on Sept. 11th, 2001? If they weren't flying planes into The World Trade Center , the Pentagon or a field in Pennsylvania killing nearly 3,000 people on our own soil, they were rejoicing in the Middle East . No one can dispute the pictures shown from all parts of the Muslim world celebrating on CNN, Fox News, MSNBC and other cable news networks that day. Strangely, the very "moderate" Muslims who's asses you bent over backwards to kiss in Cairo , Egypt on June 4th were stone cold silent post 9-11. To many Americans, their silence has meant approval for the acts of that day.

And THAT, Mr. Obama, is the "rich heritage" Muslims have here in America.

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to mention the Barbary Pirates. They were Muslim.

And now we can add November 5, 2009 - the slaughter of American soldiers at Fort Hood by a Muslim major who is a doctor and a psychiatrist who was supposed to be counseling soldiers returning from battle in Iraq and Afghanistan.

That, Mr. Obama is the "Muslim heritage" in America.

Muslim Heritage, my ass.

Meat Glue, the secret butchers don't want you to know.

This is filmed in Australia . . . but I imagine the same thing goes on here in America. I had never heard of
this. Chilling.

It's been banned in the European Union.

The industry-wide secret butchers don't want you to know about:

The special product called Meat Glue sticking your steak together.



http://au.todaytonight.yahoo.com/article/8989315/consumer/meat-glue

Gunfight on the Tijuana/Ensenada Free Road

This is way too close to home.

Tijuana, Baja Mexico, is about 35-40 miles south of us (Escondido, CA.) Rosarito is adjacent to Tijuana (and is very near where my youngest son has a mobile home parked, facing the ocean, for what he deems a 'relaxing place,' and what makes his mother and I nervous wrecks whenever he goes down there. The 'free road' referred to below is the highway between Tijuana and Ensenada, which passes right by Rosarito and Rosarito Beach. Puerto Nuevo is just about 10 miles south of there and is where a lot of Norteamericanos go to buy Lobsters, cooked Mexican style (which I don't care for and think are overpriced).

I have been in this area many, many times. A pretty enough drive, with the ocean on your right as you drive down to Ensenada . . . but this kind of garbage I don't need in my life.

Patrick Mullen, an ex-patriate, living in San Antonio del Mar, kind of a gated suburban community adjacent to Rosarito, and the source of many of my news stories from Baja, Mexico, sends this story along with its translation and the original Spanish account.

Chilling. Lyle no like.

An armed attack against municipal police of Playas de Rosarito, left one suspect dead and another offender arrested in clashes on Friday night.

Reports obtained by Border News Agency, indicate that around 10 P.M. yesterday, two men aboard a Malibu model vehicle, fired on a patrol of the municipality, as they traveled on the Tijuana-Ensenada free road, near Puerto Nuevo.

The officers responded to the attack, killing one assailant and arresting another, who identified himself as Alonso Amarillas Beltrán, 38 years old, from the state of Sinaloa.

The prisoner was remanded to the appropriate authority; and dismisses the name of the person who died after the attack. Prevention officials reported no injuries.


Pat

Actualizaciones de información para los colonos en San Antonio del Mar y las colonias circunvecinos en URL:

Twitter:

----- Mensaje reenviado ----
De:
Enviado: sábado, 26 de marzo, 2011 7:35:10
Asunto: gun fight on the toll road going towards rosarito

Disparan contra municipales de Rosarito, hay un civil muerto
23:30 Horas.- TIJUANA, BC 25 DE MARZO DE 2011 (AFN).-

Un ataque armado en contra de agentes municipales de Playas de Rosarito, dejó como saldo un presunto delincuente muerto y otro más detenido, en hechos ocurridos la noche del viernes.

Informes obtenidos por Agencia Fronteriza de Noticias, señalan que alrededor de las 22:00 horas de ayer, dos hombres que viajaban a bordo de un vehículo Malibú, dispararon en contra de una patrulla de la municipal, cuando circulaban sobre la carretera libre Tijuana-Ensenada, a la altura de Puerto Nuevo.

Los uniformados respondieron la agresión, dando muerte a uno de los atacantes y logrando la detención de otro más, quien se identificó como Alonso Amarillas Beltrán, de 38 años de edad y originario del estado de Sinaloa.

El detenido fue consignado ante la autoridad correspondiente, y se ignora el nombre de la persona que falleció tras el ataque; no se reportaron oficiales preventivos lesionados.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

China's Ghost Towns . . .

Check out the following story on China Ghost Towns and click on the hyperlink.

It’s an excellent expose’ video done by Dateline Australia.



China bulls may also be “investing” (read: speculating) on borrowed time,

like all of the clowns in the US that said real estate would go up forever in 2007.

The Chinese government is building MASSIVE cities for nobody,

just to keep people working and keep speculators happy.

Although the financing of the following properties is radically different than the

subprime madness in the US, it simply can’t and will not go on forever.

Please see the following video on ghost town(s).

http://www.sbs.com.au/dateline/story/watch/id/601007/n/China-s-Ghost-Cities
A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.

A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, the politician was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. "I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the very first person to go to him for confession."

Moral : Never, Never, Never Be Late

Lovely LIttle Girl Scout . . .

Morning Prayers . . .

Why We Love Old People . . .

THIS IS WHY WE LOVE OLD PEOPLE
A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens'

How kids perceive their grandparents . . .

HOW CHILDREN PERCEIVE THEIR GRANDPARENTS





1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.


SEND THIS TO OTHER GRANDPARENTS,

ALMOST GRANDPARENTS,

OR HECK, SEND IT TO EVERYONE.

IT WILL MAKE THEIR DAY!

Tools Explained

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, sh--!"

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name
implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

Son of a bi*** TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Son of a bi***" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

The MicroKopter - Whoa!

Leave it to the Germans.

This thing really goes



Mikrokopter- (will definitely interest pilots & engineers)

German engineering

.
WHEN YOU THINK IT IS OVER, KEEP WATCHING.

A BIG BOY TOY, FOR SURE

...This thing is amazing!

.
This mikrokopter has a central hub with six arms sticking out. At the end of each arm is a two-bladed propeller with each propeller oriented horizontally. You will be stunned at how this can fly. When you get to the GPS section, you will be further amazed. If you have an interest in aviation or have kids that love things that fly and make noise, you will want to see this video.

http://mikrokopter.de/ucwiki/VideoAbspielen?id=188

Police Potty

video

Having a Bad Day? Part II

video

Having a bad day? Part I

video

Keeping Up with the Jones's

video

'Deliverance' . . . behind the scenes w/duelling banjos

video

Men's Version of the Antiques Roadshow

video

Mexican Special Forces

Why you don't see Mexico providing many UN support troops.........this is why the cartels are winning!



video

Friday, March 25, 2011

My Granddaughter - in utero

Well, it's getting closer. In June I will be a grandpa for the first time.

I though I'd never see the day. If I can hang around this ol' planet for another two and a half months, I'll actually be a real, live grandpa!

You think I talk a lot about my puppy? Wait till Alexandra arrives. (Betcha a nickle she winds up being called "Alex."

My youngest son, Kenny, just sent me this sonogram photo of his daughter. I didn't even know they could do this. The facial features are very clear.

Have to admit, my eyes welled up in tears when I saw this. Imagine what a mess I'll be when I actually see her after she's born.

Getting anxious for her to hurry up and arrive; I reckon that's natural.

Anyway, here's my granddaughter!

When did DMV employees become so rude?

I have an old friend who retired from the Escondido Police Department as a Lieutenant. He and I 'grew up together' via Little League baseball. He and I were always opposing coaches but got to know and like each other. While I managed the local radio station, he grew a brilliant career in law enforcement. He posts the following commentary, which is probably all to familiar to many of us:


I had to renew my driver license today. I went to a little DMV in Manteca, Ca. because I could get in sooner than the one in the city I live in. I did not expect to be treated in the manner that I was.

Everything was fine until I had my photo taken. The clerk did not take my photo she took one of an old man. Just how she got that guy into my clothes I can't explain. I then took the written exam and all was fine. Then she asked me if I'd like to update the description on my license. She said "It says here your hair is brown, lets put gray there." Then she said "It says here you weigh 210. You haven't seen that in a long time." I said OK, put 220 there.

After I had my temporary license safely in my pocket I told that clerk that she should go back to the doctor who did her sex change operation and get a refund.

Tools Explained . . .

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, sh--!"

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name
implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

Son of a bi*** TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Son of a bi***" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Update on Estes Park Elk

On 3/24/2011 12:00 PM, Lyle Davis wrote:
> I think the Elk own this town!
>
> YouTube - Showdown In Elk Town - Human Planet, Cities, Preview - BBC One
Kent Ballard responds:

I can testify to the truth of this film. I was in Estes Park, Colorado at the last of March back in '90 or '91. Estes Park is the eastern gateway to the Rocky Mountain National Park and the town looks pretty much like that. The elk have the right of way and the street signs say so. And like all dumb tourists, we got too close to them sometimes and one would snort at us, then we'd suddenly realize this wasn't someone's 600 pound pet dog. When we pulled into our motel parking lot my stepson jumped out of the van and stepped directly into an enormous pile of elk poop. They'd wander the streets, the sidewalks, through intersections, and seemed to pretty much run the place.

When we left the town and made the short drive to the entrance of the park proper, we seemed to leave most of the elk behind. They seemed to enjoy town life more, but there were a few in the park. Personally, I was glad to be rid of them. Trying to watch three kids and a wife in an elk herd is something I was never trained for.

But once we got into the park a couple of miles, we ran into the other form of wildlife that thinks it owns everything--bighorn sheep. They came into the valleys that time of year to graze fresh grass and were every bit as foul-tempered as the elk, more so actually. I've seen sheep on farms and never thought much about them. Rocky Mountain Bighorns are a different animal altogether. The bucks are huge, lightning fast, and they're also in their rutting season. You need to keep an eye out for them and not get too close.

Kent

Remember When . . .

Wow! Does this ever hit home! What a beautiful song and matching video.

Enjoy.

You might need a Kleenex for this -- yes it is worth it.

Alan Jackson's song paired with scenes from the movie "Up".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOmZ66lIzJA

Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Blond Mortician

A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

My 8.9 Earthquake experience in Japan

A compelling account, forwarded by good friend, Sid Colquitt; the original appears to be from either Irma Wolfe or Linda Triano:


Hi, this is my brother, Randy's experience. He's a flight attendent and
the big earthquake hit while they were boarding. Then he had to fly back
there to pick up US people who are trying to get home. I wish he didn't have
to go back but I guess he will until they get all the people home. Please
keep him in your prayers. Very interesting.
Subj: Japan earthquake



Hi family and friends,

I've been getting a lot of calls from loved ones checking in on me after the
earthquake in Japan. For those of you who know I fly Japan regularly (so
that I can play tennis with my coach and friend, Hiro, at least once a
week!) I thought I would update you on the experience of our flight on
Friday, March 11, 2011.

Beautiful day in Narita. I played tennis with Hiro and he invited a couple
of other friends so that we could play doubles. Got ready for my report at
1:30 PM and took the Radisson bus with the crew to the airport where we
prepped for departure and began to board the plane as we would any other
work day. Full flight, so we started boarding around 2:40 PM.

The 8.9 quake hit at about 2:56 PM, right in the middle of the boarding
process. Business was full and most of the passengers were onboard. Once
we realized what was happening, the last passengers standing in the jetway
ran onboard. They were tripping and stumbling in a rush to get out of the
long jet way that was writhing like a 100 foot snake. It was hard to stand
up when the quake was at its peak.

The initial drama lasted almost 5 minutes. Unheard of in my experience with
earthquakes. They are usually 20 or 30 seconds and feel like minutes. This
one went on forever. Whenever the rocking motion of the plane would stop,
we got more passengers into their seats. Once we had everyone from the
jetway on board, we did our best to convince everyone that the plane was the
safest place to be at this time and in this situation. I really think it
was, too. Think about the stress an airplane withstands on rollout, takeoff
and landing!

The massive quake really moved the plane from side to side and up and down.
You had to squat down or lean on a wall or sit down to stay in one place.
The wings on our plane and the hundreds of others at the NRT airport were
flapping as if we were in extreme turbulence. Before we got any more
passengers on board, officials deemed the terminal unsafe. It was a mess,
sign posts as well as wall and roof panels collapsing, etc. The terminal
was evacuated and an announcement was made that the airport was closed until
Saturday morning.

Some of the other flights around us were deplaning passengers via the jetway
stairs. I assume that they were thinking the quicker they acted, the faster
they would get out of the airport area and find hotels, etc. I've seen that
approach work in the past. But, at the same time, we started seeing groups
of Japanese men huddled inside all of the luggage carts that are linked
together train style and are used to transport luggage to be boarded on
aircraft. These were airport employee ground personnel who had been told to
stay away from the building structure. They climbed in to get out of the
rain that was beginning to fall.

The Captain and I discussed the situation and agreed that the alternative of
getting off the plane to stand around on the tarmac was less appealing than
staying on the plane. We had food, water, drinks and toilets on the plane.
The airport facilities had shut down, there was no phone service and the
food and drink shops were shut down, too. On the plane they could have a
seat, try to use cells phones, although few could complete any phone calls.
Some searched for news on cell phones and computers but internet service was
also sporadic.

The Delta agents in Narita remained on duty but there was little they could
do. They really had nowhere to go and spent much of the time on the plane
with our crew. They had no communication other than their own personal cell
phones. They had arranged hotel rooms and Radisson buses for our crew,
since none of the incoming flights would be able to land and subsequently,
we would get their hotel accommodations. (The incoming Portland flight
diverted and the crew stayed onboard the plane with passengers for 9+ hours)
There were no rooms or transportation for our passengers. No rooms at no
Inns and the trains and highways had been shut down, too.

We knew we were in for a long day so we served everyone a hot meal and
basically ran a continuous beverage service. We played movies and the
entertainment system to keep them occupied. My crew was exceptional,
Roxanne Alviar, Katy Hu, Billy Pao, Janet Bernert, Junko Etherton, Atsuko
Weed and Jennifer Wrast. Friendly, kind, interacting whenever we were
needed. As a crew, we even managed some laughter and comeradery. The poor
agents finally told us that they were hungry, too, and there were no
facilities in the airport where they could get food. So, of course, we gave
them what we could, including the Business Elite mid-service snacks.

Five hours into our wait, a supervisor came on board and asked us how long
it would take for us to be ready for a flight departure. There was a break
in the earthquake after shocks, the runway had been checked and was all
clear and the air traffic controllers, having no where else to go, had
returned to the tower where all equipment checked out. The airport staff
was putting a call out to any planes that were in a position to depart.
Because we kept our passengers on the plane, we were one of only two planes
that got out of Narita, Japan that day.

Yes, the passengers erupted in applause when I announced that we were
preparing for departure. Seats up, seat belts fastened and carry on luggage
securely stowed. And we actually got out of there at about 7:30 PM. So
nice to get home in the early afternoon on Saturday, March 12! I had many
calls and e-mails waiting for me and I appreciate all of you thinking of us
during our Earthquake Experience. Yours, Robb

PS None of us had seen any of the images from the earthquake and tsunami
before we returned home. What a devastating experience for all of our
Japanese friends. We wish them well.