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Friday, December 31, 2010

Imagine . . . all the people

What a lovely piece to view and listen to on New Year’s Eve! Happy New Year All!

THIS IS A VERY MOVING STORY.

This is taken from the TV show "Glee."
To set up the scene, the Glee choir was in competition with a mute choir, and after the Glee choir performed, the mute choir had their turn... then things happened.....




Submarino Australiano

Real Men Don't Need Power Saws

Impossible!

The Train Set

New Alzheimer's Test

New Alzheimer's Test
How fast can you guess these words?

1. F_ _K
2. PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM




























Answers:

1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM

You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?

Strenght and Age



"Ya know, when I was 25 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands.

By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried real hard.

By the time I was 60, I could bend it 20 degrees, no problem.

I'm gonna be 80 next week, and I can bend it in half with just one hand."

"So, what's your point?"

"Well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

How to lost your job as a interviewer:

I’ll share this with you . . . but you have to promise not to laugh. Under no circumstances are you to laugh. It would be disrespectful.



Are you ready?



OK. Go ahead and view.



And no laughing.





Two Great Clam Chowder Recipes

I have a good friend, a former classmate from high school, who lives back in Maine. He was the one who sent the clam chowdah casserole recipe (which sounds delicious). I asked him if he had a recipe for just plain clam chowder . . . or "chowdah." He sent these two recipes:

Here are two clam chowder recipes. This first one is what we make at home. While it calls for 2 cans (20 oz. total) of minced clams, we prefer 1-1/2 pounds of fresh clams, minced a little larger than what you would get in a can. If the fresh clams, in your supermarket's seafood section, have been frozen, go with the canned clams. Frozen clams lose their flavor.
Ingredients
4 slices bacon, diced
1 1/2 cups chopped onion
1 1/2 cups water
4 cups peeled and cubed potatoes
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
ground black pepper to taste
3 cups half-and-half
3 tablespoons butter
2 (10 ounce) cans minced clams
Directions
Place diced bacon in large stock pot over medium-high heat. Cook until almost crisp; add onions, and cook 5 minutes. Stir in water and potatoes, and season with salt and pepper. Bring to a boil, and cook uncovered for 15 minutes, or until potatoes are fork tender.
Pour in half-and-half, and add butter. Drain clams, reserving clam liquid; stir clams and 1/2 of the clam liquid into the soup. Cook for about 5 minutes, or until heated through. Do not allow to boil.
Serves 6 (supposedly. More like 3.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This one is from a resort Sharon, and I, have spent several long weekends at in Maine, called The Cliff House. It has been on their menu since 1872, when the Weare family first opened it. The US Army took over the place during WWII, to use as a submarine observation post, and nearly destroyed it. After extensive restoration, the family reopened it, and it has been in operation ever since. Their weekend packages include dinners, and I've never failed to pick this. A bit spicier, but ever so good! This recipe comes right from their website, in the dining section. Please note their mention of what is known as 'Manhattan Clam Chowder'. Ugh! If you want Boulibase, ask for Boulibase. Clam Chowder doesn't have tomatoes. Boulibase does!
Maine Luxury Oceanfront Resort near York and Ogunquit

Cliff House Clam Chowder
Clam Chowder has been on the menu since 1872. Guests always tell us how exceptional it is. This recipe won a coveted award at the Boston Harbor Fest in July 2003. All of you non-New Englanders will please note there are no tomatoes to be seen anywhere near this soup pot. The very mention of that “other place’s” version causes the Weare family to shudder. The Maine legislature once introduced a bill to outlaw forever the adulteration of Maine Clam Chowdah with that dreaded red interloper. This recipe is fun to make,
but the missing ingredient just may be eating it while longing for our dining room view of the vast Atlantic.

Shopping List
3 teaspoons unsalted butter, melted
6 slices apple wood smoked bacon
½ cup white onion, diced
½ cup celery, diced
1 large ear of native corn, kernels removed
¼ teaspoon fresh thyme, finely chopped
⅛ teaspoon fresh basil, finely chopped
⅛ teaspoon fresh oregano, finely chopped
2 cups clams, finely chopped
1 ½ cups clam broth
3 cups heavy cream
⅛ teaspoon ground white pepper
1½ cups potato, peeled and diced
5 drops Tabasco Sauce
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
2 tablespoons arrowroot or cornstarch
2 tablespoons water

Directions
1. In a 4-quart pot, melt butter and sauté bacon until golden brown. Add diced
onions and celery, and sauté until tender and translucent.
2. Place corn kernels on a small sheet pan and roast at 350ºF for approximately
6 minutes. Set aside when finished.
3. Add clam broth, white pepper, Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco Sauce, potatoes and fresh herbs to the 4-quart pot. Cook for approximately 13 minutes to soften potatoes and incorporate flavors. Add heavy cream, chopped clams and corn. Bring to a boil and thicken with equal parts arrowroot and water.
Serves 5
There is another version, omitting the corn. Equally good.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, if your cholesterol is too low, here is a remedy. My own invention for Seafood Fettucini Alfredo.

Ingredients
1 jar Roasted Garlic Alfredo Sauce (Classico or 3 Brothers are my favorites)
2 cans (6-1/2 oz) baby shrimp
2 cans (6-1/2 oz) minced clams (1 pound fresh)
1/2 pound chopped scallops
wedge of parmesan cheese
4 slices diced bacon.
2 tablespoons butter
fettucini (quantity to suit)

Directions
Saute bacon until nearly done, add Butter and Scallops, and saute until scallops are golden brown.
In a 2 quart saucepan, add scallops, bacon, shrimp, and clams, to the Alfredo Sauce, and simmer for 10 minutes to meld the flavors.
While the sauce is simmering, prepare the fettucini (al Dente, or a slight resistance in the center when chewed.)

Serve fetticini portion, and pour on the desired amount of sauce. (If you're me, that's about 1/2 the pan). Add freshly ground black pepper to suit, and top with freshly grated parmesan.

Goes beautifully with a chilled Reisling.
Your cholesterol should be well above acceptable levels in about an hour.

My favorite Christmas Cookie recipe

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup or brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl,
Check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality,
Pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter In a large fluffy bowl.
Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another Cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup Of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry It loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves A sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find..
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall Over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.

Cherry Mistmas !

The Christmas Pageant

A hilarious, though belated, Christmas Story:

My husband and I had been happily married (most of the time) for five years but hadn't been blessed with a baby.

I decided to do some serious praying and promised God that if he would give us a child, I would be a perfect mother, love it with all my heart and raise it with His word as my guide.

God answered my prayers And blessed us with a son. The next year God blessed us with another son. The following year, He blessed us with yet another son. The year after that we were blessed with a daughter.

My husband thought we'd been blessed right into poverty.

We now had four children, and the oldest was only four years old.

I learned never to ask God for anything unless I meant it

As a minister once told me, "If you pray for rain, make sure you carry an umbrella."

I began reading a few verses of the Bible to the children each day as they lay in their cribs.

I was off to a good start.

God had entrusted me with four children and I didn't want to disappoint Him.
I tried to be patient the day the children smashed two dozen eggs on the kitchen floor searching for baby chicks. I tried to be understanding ... when they started a hotel for homeless frogs in the spare bedroom, although it took me nearly two hours to catch all twenty-three frogs.
When my daughter poured ketchup all over herself and rolled up in a blanket to see how it felt to be a hot dog, I tried to see the humor rather than the mess..
In spite of changing over twenty-five thousand diapers, never eating a hot meal and never sleeping for more than thirty minutes at a time, I still thank God daily for my children.

While I couldn't keep my promise to be a perfect mother - I didn't even come close... I did keep my promise to raise them in the Word of God. I knew I was missing the mark just a little when I told my daughter we were going to church to worship God, and she wanted to bring a bar of soap along to "wash up" Jesus, too.

Something was lost in the translation when I explained that God gave us everlasting life, and my son thought it was generous of God to give us his "last wife."

My proudest moment came during the childrens Christmas pageant. My daughter was playing Mary, two of my sons were shepherds and my youngest son was a wise man. This was their moment to shine. My five-year-old shepherd had practiced his line, "We found the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes." But he was nervous and said, "The baby was wrapped in wrinkled clothes." My four-year-old "Mary" said, That's not 'wrinkled clothes,' silly. That's dirty, rotten clothes." A wrestling match broke out between Mary and the shepherd and was stopped by an angel, who bent her halo and lost her left wing I slouched a little lower in my seat when Mary dropped the doll representing Baby Jesus, and it bounced down the aisle crying, "Mama-mama." Mary grabbed the doll, wrapped it back up and held it tightly as the wise men arrived.
My other son stepped forward wearing a bathrobe and a paper crown, knelt at the manger and announced, "We are the three wise men, and we are bringing gifts of gold, common sense and fur."

The congregation dissolved into laughter, and the pageant got a standing ovation.

"I've never enjoyed a Christmas program as much as this one,"
laughed the pastor, wiping tears from his eyes "For the rest of my life, I'll never hear the Christmas story without thinking of gold, common sense and fur."

"My children are my pride and my joy and my greatest blessing," I said as I dug
through my purse for an aspirin.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL.

Mendel's Tree

Cute. So watch it already. Oy!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhtMoUC_Ano

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Facebook Can Be Costly

RENO, Nev --- Navy personnel did more than a half million dollars'
damage to their helicopters while trying to shoot photos for their Facebook page over Lake Tahoe, military investigators revealed.

A report released this week described how ten U.S. Navy crew members narrowly averted disaster when their helicopters accidentally dipped into Lake Tahoe in September while they tried to take photos for the squadron's Facebook page.

Crew members from HSM-41 at North Island Naval Air Station in San Diego were returning from an air show in Sacramento when they tried to maneuver their helicopters about 70 feet above the lake to take the Facebook photos.

The Navy report found that crew members' unplanned hovering without sufficient power caused the MH-60R Seahawks to drop without warning to the water of Emerald Bay. Both aircraft were able to regain altitude and land nearby.

There were no injuries, but damage to both helicopters totaled
$505,751 in the incident captured in a video filmed by a group of hikers and posted on YouTube.

The report recommended no punitive action, but a Field Naval Aviator Evaluation Board permanently stripped two Navy instructor pilots from San Diego of their flying status, and ordered two student pilots to undergo at least six months of repeat training. Another flight instructor was placed on a year of probation and can't fly during that time.

"The mishap was entirely preventable," Vice Adm. Allen Myers, commander of all naval air forces, said in the report. "The aviation community was lucky this day, and a horrific loss of life was narrowly avoided."

http://www.military.com/news/article/navy-facebook-stunt-almost-dooms-
helos.html?ESRC=eb.nl

(Includes link to video)

Customer Service

I want to ask each of you to consider doing the following when you are
talking on the phone to any US customer service representative that is based in a foreign country (like India ). I have done this twice and it works!



Any time you call an 800 number (for a credit card, banking, charter communications, health insurance, insurance, you name it) and you are transferred to a representative (like in India), please consider doing the following:

After you connect and you realize that the customer service representativeis not from the USA (you can always ask if you are not sure about the accent), please very politely (very politely - this is not about trashing other cultures) say, "I'd like to speak to a customer service representative in the United States of America ." The rep might suggest talking to his/her manager, but, again, politely say, "Thank you, but I'd like to speak to a customer service representative in the USA .." YOU WILL BE IMMEDIATELY CONNECTED to a rep in the USA . It only takes less than one minute to have your call re-directed to the USA .

Tonight when I got redirected to a USA rep, I asked again to make sure - and yes, she was from Fort Lauderdale ..

Imagine if tomorrow, every US citizen who has to make such a call and then requests a US rep, imagine how that would ultimately impact the number of US jobs that would need to be created ASAP. Imagine what would happen if every US citizen insisted on talking to only US phone reps from this day on.

If I tell 10 people to consider this and you tell 10 people to consider doing this - see what I mean...it becomes an exercise in viral marketing 101.

Remember - the goal here is to restore jobs back here at home - not to be abrupt or rude to a foreign phone rep. If you agree, please tell 10 people you know and tell them to tell 10 people they know....etc...etc..

REAL NEWS

Lindsay Lohan, 24, and Paris Hilton got their names and faces all over the news because they went to jail for a few short weeks or days for acting out, negative behavior, resisting arrest, cocaine possession, being drunk and disorderly, not to mention their insolent attitude.

What do you know about these men?

Justin Allen, 23
Brett Linley, 29
Matthew Weikert, 29
Justus Bartett, 27
Dave Santos , 21
Chase Stanley, 21
Jesse Reed, 26
Matthew Johnson, 21
Zachary Fisher, 24
Brandon King, 23
Christopher Goeke, 23
Sheldon Tate, 27

Do you recognize any of their names? No? None of them starred in a movie or made a record album, hit a home run or scored a 3 point conversion or did a celebration in the end zone after scoring a touchdown. None of them brags about "showcasing their talents for their fans" while being paid millions and millions of dollars.

Did that help? No? Well then I should tell you that they are all Marines who gave their lives for YOU this week. They died for honor and country. They are all heroes of the highest magnitude. How much did you read about them ?

Honor THEM by forwarding this. I just did!

CHARITY SALARIES, ASTOUNDING!

Salvation Army, Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy and St. Jude's. ALL keep their administrative costs way down
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think we need to stuff those Salvation Army kettles with a little something more each time you pass one this year, and forget the rest!

Just out of curiosity, I googled Red Cross CEO Marsha J. Evans.
The yearly salary of $651,957 is correct.

As you open your pockets for yet another natural disaster, keep these
facts in mind:

Marsha J. Evans, President and CEO of the American Red Cross...
Salary for year ending 06/30/03 was $651,957 plus expenses. (That's
$74.42 an hour For EVERY hour of EVERY day.)

Brian Gallagher, President of the United Way receives a $375,000 base
salary, plus numerous expense benefits.

(That's $42.80 an hour for EVERY Hour of EVERY day.)

UNICEF CEO receives $1,200,000 per year plus all expenses and a ROLLS ROYCE car where ever he goes and only cents of your dollar goes to the cause. (That's $1369.86 an hour for EVERY hour of EVERY day.)

The Salvation Army's Commissioner Todd Bassett receives a salary of
only $13,000 per year (plus housing) for managing this $2 billion
dollar organization.

No further comment necessary.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Great Quote . . .

Quote Of The Week

"Frankly, I don't know what it is about California, but we seem to have a strange urge to elect really obnoxious women to high office. I'm not bragging, you understand, but no other state, including Maine, even comes close. When it comes to sending left-wing dingbats to Washington, we're number one. There's no getting around the fact that the last time anyone saw the likes of Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein, Maxine Waters, and Nancy Pelosi, they were stirring a cauldron when the curtain went up on 'Macbeth'. The four of them are like jackasses who happen to possess the gift of blab. You don't know if you should condemn them for their stupidity or simply marvel at their ability to form words."

--columnist Burt Prelutsky, LA Times

How to beat a traffic ticket . . .

Important information should you ever be arrested for DUI. (This also applies to an arrest for speeding, as determined by either a cop’s speedometer or a radar gone. Both should have calibration certificates to ensure accuracy. If not calibrated on a timely basis, the device(s) are subject to gross errors of accuracy.

I got two speeding tickets dismissed against me using this argument in court, on in Minnesota, one in California. The officers could not produce a calibration certificate at trial. Case dismissed.

------ Original Message ------
Received: Wed, 29 Dec 2010 09:16:26 PM EST
From: rhoefelmeyer@comcast.net
To: johnmacsgroup@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [johnmacsgroup] Motorist 32 times over alcohol limit

More to the point, and of use to our legal friends, always ask for the source
code. The source code will have bugs. Calibration records are also great, as
noted by Randall.

This applies to any law enforcement device, like a radar speed gun, laser
speed gun, breath-a-lyzer, etc.

The manufacturer will not want the source code in the public record. The
prosecution will not want you having access to the source code, as you will be
able to prove there are code bugs. There is no perfect code in the world.
There will be logic bugs, data bugs, overflow bugs, exception bugs - the list
is nigh endless.

The prosecution will want to plead. The judge in a traffic court will likely
simply play tin god and deny your request, and I doubt there is an appeal
process there.

if it's a serious charge, insist on the source code. If denied, request a
mistrial. If granted, get a CISSP, or other certified security or code expert,
to find some errors. You can induce plenty of doubt, as code is riddled with
errors.

If denied the mistrial, go for a win on appeal.
Please note, IANAL. But, I have been an expert witness where a tin god state
judge thought he could ignore expert testimony that "evidence" was bogus,
didn't follow any of the rules of evidence, or chain of evidence. We won
handily on appeal.

This is not legal advice, I am simply relating some events and ideas - for
those of you in barbaric states like Texas, that brook no competition with
your lawyers' union.

----- "Randall" wrote:

On Dec 24, 2010, at 11:05 PM, A Grudko wrote:

>
>
> (No, it wasn't me... jeepers I am sooooooooo full still of last
> night's Xmas supper!)
>
> East London - A drunk motorist was arrested near Queenstown in the
> Eastern Cape after allegedly being found to be 32 times over the
> alcohol limit, the department of transport said on Thursday.
> http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Motorist-32-times-over-
> alcohol-limit-20101223

Oddly enough, when I read this I am reminded of the fact that the
Washington DC PD has apparently forgotten to calibrate their BA
testing machines for the last TEN YEARS. (MFGR recommends
recalibration every three months).

-=-=-=-
"DC: Bogus Breathalyzer Results May Go Back a Decade
Whistleblower contends Washington, DC breath testing machines have
not been accuracy checked since 2000.

Robert J. HildumMotorists in Washington, DC may have been falsely
accused of driving under the influence of alcohol (DUI) for more than
a decade as a result of faulty "Intoxilyzer" breath testing
equipment. Whistleblower Ilmar Paegle, a veteran police officer now
working as a contract employee for the District Department of
Transportation, argued in a memorandum to the city's attorney general
that the breath testing machines have not been properly calibrated
since 2000, as first reported by WTTG-TV.

To date, the District has only admitted to bogus breathalyzer results
taken between September 2008 and February 4, 2010. Of 1100 cases
prosecuted in that period, 300 were convicted based on evidence
provided by faulty machines.

"As a result of the miscalibration the instruments apparently
produced results that were outside the acceptable margin of error to
be considered accurate," Deputy DC Attorney General Robert J. Hildum
wrote in a June 4 letter to DC trial lawyers. "OAG [office of the
attorney general] is in the process of notifying the defendants and
their counsel in those cases."

Paegle's discovery that the breathalyzers producing bogus results
forced the Metropolitan Police Department to stop using the machines
on February 4 and switch to Intoximeters. Hildum blamed the problems
on Officer Kelvin King who began replacing motors in the
breathalyzers in September 2008 as part of routine maintenance. Under
DC law, the machines must be tested for accuracy every three months,
but the District failed to codify procedures or standards for this
testing. Paegle was concerned that the District has never performed
these accuracy tests, raising concern among legal experts.

"You too could have been pulled over on the basis of a minor traffic
violation and put through a series of difficult and humiliating field
sobriety tests," DC-based defense attorney Jamison Koehler wrote on
his law firm's blog. "After blowing into the breath test machine, you
could have spent the night in a jail cell with other people who were
drunk, angry, disorderly, mentally ill or whose sweating, panting and
retching signaled to you that they going through drug withdrawal. You
could have had to shell out thousands of dollars to hire a lawyer and
missed work on so many occasions to attend court hearings that your
employer warned you might be fired.... On the basis of the faulty
breath test results, you too have been convicted of driving while
intoxicated even with blood alcohol levels far below the legal limit."

A copy of the OAG memo is available in a 220k PDF at the source link
below.

Source: PDF File Letter to DC Superior Court Trial Lawyers Assoc. (DC
Office of the Attorney General, 6/4/2010)"

http://www.thenewspaper.com/news/33/3361.asp

http://snipurl.com/1qg3g6

-=-=-

9/23/2010
California: Cop Accused of Faking DUI Reports
Sacramento County, California district attorney dismisses 79 drunk
driving cases because arresting officer falsified evidence.

Sacramento Police Officer Brandon MullockBeing arrested for driving
under the influence of alcohol (DUI) can cost a motorist thousands of
dollars in court fines, insurance costs and attorneys' fees. At least
79 accused drivers were notified last Friday that the police officer
that charged them with drunk driving had likely falsified at least
one piece of evidence. Sacramento County District Attorney Jan Scully
threw out the cases after an investigation into the conduct of
Sacramento Police Officer Brandon Mullock, 24.

Scully opened the inquiry into Mullock's conduct after a deputy
district attorney preparing a DUI case for trial watched a dashcam
arrest video and noticed that the raw footage differed substantially
from Mullock's written account of the incident in a police report.
The case was dropped in June.

"It is fundamental to our system of justice that prosecutors only
proceed on cases where the evidence is trustworthy and was legally
obtained," Scully said in a statement. "The United States Supreme
Court has said that the prosecutor should seek not simply to win a
case, but to see that justice is done. The California Supreme Court
has said that public prosecutors are charged with the important and
solemn duty to ensure that justice and fairness remain the touchstone
of our criminal justice system."

According to Scully's office, most of the defendants were convicted
in a court of law despite Mullock's legally unsound decision to
detain the motorists, despite his misuse of preliminary alcohol
screening and despite wild inaccuracies in his field interviews.

"Drunk driving is one if those crimes which is highly susceptible to
falsifying evidence," California DUI attorney Lawrence Taylor
explained on DUI blog. "This is because the offense is highly
dependent on the cop's own observations and opinion. Typically,
proving 'driving under the influence of alcohol' depends upon the
officer's testimony of such symptoms as weaving on the highway, odor
of alcohol on the breath, flushed face, slurred speech, bloodshot
eyes, poor balance, staggering when walking, etc. Usually, there are
no other witnesses to contradict these 'observations'; certainly, no
one will believe the accused... The motive? Fulfilling quotas,
overtime pay for testifying in court, promotions for high numbers of
arrests, gaining awards in personnel files from MADD, etc."

The district attorney's office has provided each convicted motorist
with documentation they can provide to insurance companies and
employers to remedy some of the damage done.

http://www.thenewspaper.com/news/32/3270.asp

http://snipurl.com/1qg42d

Swedish Virgin

Olaf Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, takes a lightning-quick kick from a cow... right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said 'How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena , is still a Virgin - in every vay.'

The doctor told him, 'Olaf, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it in there as long as you can. He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together...quite an impressive work of art.

Olaf mentions none of this to Lena, marries her, and they go on their honeymoon to Duluth .

That night in the Motel 6, Lena rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said, 'Olaf...you're the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez.'

Olaf immediately drops his pants and replies, 'Look at dis Lena, still in DA CRATE!

When Insults had class . .

When Insults Had Class


These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - A ndrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
and the famous from Churchill :



The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Things I learned in the South

A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no ones seen before.


If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!


Jawl-P? means Did ya'll go to the bathroom?

People actually grow and eat okra.

Fixinta is one word. It means I'm fixing to do that.

There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there is supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.

Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

The word jeet is actually a phrase meaning Did you eat?

You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You dont PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

No, Jew? is a common response to the question, Did you bring any beer?

You measure distance in minutes.

You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

You know what a DAWG is.

You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.

You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Tonys, Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports and motor sports, and gossip.

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit a bit warm.


You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.


Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as goin Wal-Martin or off to Wally World.

You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive dag-nabbit.

David, Going Home . . .

A bit of cultural news for a welcome change.





After a two year loan to the United States ,
Michelangelo's David is being returned to Italy .

The Art of Making Clam Chowder . . .

From a fellow alum from dear old Benson High School in Omaha. He now lives in New England:



NEW STUFF

Let's see if I can do this in my best New England accent.

Did you say you like Clam Chowdah? Did you say you like Mac & Cheese?

Well you ain't nevah had eithah like this befoeah.



Had this for dinnah Saturday night.

Clam Chowder Casserole

serves 4



Ingredients

1 (8-ounce) package of elbow macaroni

2 cups (8 ounces) shredded sharp white Cheddar cheese

2 (10-3/4 oz) cans condensed New England Clam Chowder

2 (6-1/2 oz) cans minced clams, drained

2 scallions, thinly sliced

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

1 cup oyster crackers

1 tablespoon butter



Instructions

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Coat an 8 inch square baking dish with

nonstick cooking spray.

2. Cook the macaroni according to the package directions; drain then return

to cooking pot.

3. Add the cheese, clam chowder, clams, scallions, and pepper to the

macaroni; mix well. Pour into baking dish, sprinkle evenly with crackers,

and drizzle with melted butter.

4. Bake 25 to 30 minutes, or until bubbly, and the topping is golden.



For added color and flavor, mix in half of a sliced red bell pepper along with the chowder and other ingredients.

The Ten Dollar Dog

Ten Dollar Dog



A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and

he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'



'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired..'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that crap.

Stress Management

STRESS MANAGEMENT

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique

recommended in all the latest psychological journals.

The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.




1. Picture yourself lying on your tummy on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out

the face of the person you are holding underwater.



There -- See? -- It really does work.

You're smiling already.

Donating Clothing

I just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.



I told them to kiss my ass. Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving.

Little Jimmy's Story . . .

TODAY'S LESSON:



Little Jimmy watched his Daddy's car pass by the school playground, and then go into the nearby woods.

Curious, he followed, and he saw his Daddy and his Aunt Jane in the middle of a passionate embrace.

Little Jimmy found this so exciting, that he could hardly contain himself, as he ran home to tell his Mother.

'Mommy! I was at the playground, and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods, with Aunt Jane. I went back to look, and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt.

Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, and then Aunt Jane' . . . .

Right at that point, his Mother cut him off, and said to him, 'Jimmy, this is such an interesting story - save it for dinner time.

I want to see the look on your Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'

Later, at the dinner table that evening, the Mother asked little Jimmy to tell his story.

Jimmy then started in: 'I was at the playground, and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods, with Aunt Jane.

I went back to look, and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.

Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, and then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs.'


The moral: Sometimes you just need to shut the hell up, and listen to the whole story, instead of interrupting part way through it!

Dumb, but True . . .

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PUTTING THE "FUN" BACK IN FUNERALS: The city of Providence, R.I., has
issued a license for a new Irish pub in town. Such isn't normally big
news, except that the license was issued to the Monahan Funeral Home,
and the pub will be inside the mortuary. Publican Mark Russell says the
mortuary has been in business in Providence since 1876, and promises
that "We'd never allow something to develop that would be adverse to
the neighborhood." (WPRI-TV) ...Locals, however, are glad to finally
have a place where they can drink in the mourning.

COMPACT CRIMINAL: A Walmart store in Alliance, Ohio, called police to
report a man had wheeled an estimated $1,000 worth of merchandise out
of the store without paying for it. When officers arrived they chased
after the suspect, but lost him in the darkness. They searched for 40
minutes before a frantic 911 call: "I'm in the back of a trash truck
that keeps compacting me!" James Brienzo, 37, had apparently hidden
from police in a trash dumpster, which was picked up minutes later. "He
was pretty well compacted" by the time officers found the right truck,
Police Chief Scott Griffith said. Brienzo was so intertwined with the
6-8 tons trash that the truck had to dump its load to free him, and he
was hospitalized in critical condition. His arrest record filled 26
pages, including a previous arrest at the same Walmart. (Canton Times-
Reporter, WJW-TV) ...Think he learned his lesson this time? Nah, me
either.





THE KIND THIEF: A professor at Umea University in northern Sweden was
upset when his laptop computer was stolen. It wasn't so much the
computer, but the data. "Unfortunately, I have been bad at backing up
my computer," he lamented. The professor asked to remain anonymous; he
was noted only as being a leader is his field. A week later, he got a
surprise in the mail: a memory stick that was taken with the computer.
The thief had backed up the professor's data, and sent it to him. "I am
very happy," the professor said. "This story makes me feel hope for
humanity." (Sweden Local) ...Ah, so he's a sociology professor.

Six Truths in Life

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility.





2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.



3. And discover #1 is a lie.




4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.



5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.



6. There is still a stupid smile on your face .


I sincerely apologize about this but I'm an idiot and I needed company. You now have 2 options...delete it, or send it along to put a smile on someone's face today.

A Horse Experet

Stan Kruml if a friend of mine . . . emails me quite often; put son Cowboy Poetry Shows, which I knew about, but I didn’t know about how extensive his cowboy background was, nor of his Hollywood career, or his terrible, fiery accident.



I also didn’t know he knew so much about horses.



Here is a fascinating video that I think you’ll enjoy. I sure did.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIyNMTolR_0

Rupert Murdoch on Anti-Semitism . . .

A bit long but quite an interesting speech to read.



Published on The Weekly Standard (http://www.weeklystandard.com )


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rupert Murdoch on Anti-Semitism and Israel
October 14, 2010 11:40 AM

Rupert Murdoch last night delivered a speech to the Anti-Defamation League on anti-Semitism and Israel. The New York Sun provides a thoughtful editorial on the subject. And here's Murdoch's entire speech, as prepared for delivery:

Thank you, Abe, for those kind words. And thank you for this award.

I can’t say I have been chosen by God. But tonight I can say this: I am honored to be chosen by His people for this award.

I am especially proud that this award bears the name of the ADL. You were founded a century ago against the backdrop of something we cannot imagine in America today: the conviction and then lynching of an innocent Jew.

In the century since then, you have fought anti-Semitism wherever you have found it. You have championed equal treatment for all races and creeds. And you have held America to her founding promise.

So successful have you been, a few years ago some people were beginning to say, “maybe we don’t need an ADL anymore.”

That is a much harder argument to make these days.

Now, there’s not a single person in this room who needs a lecture on the evil of anti-Semitism. My own perspective is simple: We live in a world where there is an ongoing war against the Jews.

For the first decades after Israel’s founding, this war was conventional in nature. The goal was straightforward: to use military force to overrun Israel. Well before the Berlin Wall came down, that approach had clearly failed.

Then came phase two: terrorism.

Terrorists targeted Israelis both home and abroad – from the massacre of Israeli athletes at Munich to the second intifada.

The terrorists continue to target Jews across the world. But they have not succeeded in bringing down the Israeli government – and they have not weakened Israeli resolve.

Now the war has entered a new phase. This is the soft war that seeks to isolate Israel by delegitimizing it. The battleground is everywhere: the media … multinational organizations … NGOs.

In this war, the aim is to make Israel a pariah.

The result is the curious situation we have today: Israel becomes increasingly ostracized, while Iran – a nation that has made no secret of wishing Israel’s destruction – pursues nuclear weapons loudly, proudly, and without apparent fear of rebuke.

For me, this ongoing war is a fairly obvious fact of life.

Every day, the citizens of the Jewish homeland defend themselves against armies of terrorists whose maps spell out the goal they have in mind: a Middle East without Israel.

In Europe, Jewish populations increasingly find themselves targeted by people who share that goal.

And in the United States, I fear that our foreign policy sometimes emboldens these extremists.

Tonight I’d like to speak about two things that worry me most.

First is the disturbing new home that anti-Semitism has found in polite society – especially in Europe.

Second is how violence and extremism are encouraged when the world sees Israel’s greatest ally distancing herself from the Jewish state.

When Americans think of anti-Semitism, we tend to think of the vulgar caricatures and attacks of the first part of the 20th century.

Today it seems that the most virulent strains come from the left. Often this new anti-Semitism dresses itself up as legitimate disagreement with Israel.

Back in 2002 the president of Harvard, Larry Summers, put it this way:

“Where anti-Semitism and views that are profoundly anti-Israeli have traditionally been the primary preserve of poorly educated right-wing populists, profoundly anti-Israel views are increasingly finding support in progressive intellectual communities. Serious and thoughtful people are advocating and taking actions that are anti-Semitic in their effect if not their intent.”

Mr. Summers was speaking mostly about our university campuses. Like me, however, he was also struck by alarming developments in Europe.

Far from being dismissed out of hand, anti-Semitism today enjoys support at both the highest and lowest reaches of European society – from its most elite politicians to its largely Muslim ghettoes. European Jews find themselves caught in this pincer.

We saw a recent outbreak when a European Commissioner trade minister declared that peace in the Middle East is impossible because of the Jewish lobby in America. Here’s how he put it:

“There is indeed a belief it’s difficult to describe it otherwise among most Jews that they are right. And it’s not so much whether these are religious Jews or not. Lay Jews also share the same belief that they are right. So it is not easy to have, even with moderate Jews, a rational discussion about what is actually happening in the Middle East.”

This minister did not suggest the problem was any specific Israeli policy. The problem, as he defined it, is the nature of the Jews.

Adding to the absurdity, this man then responded to his critics this way: Anti-Semitism, he asserted, “has no place in today’s world and is fundamentally against our European values.”

Of course, he has kept his job.

Unfortunately, we see examples like this one all across Europe.

Sweden, for example, has long been a synonym for liberal tolerance. Yet in one of Sweden’s largest cities, Jews report increasing examples of harassment. When an Israeli tennis team visited for a competition, it was greeted with riots.

So how did the mayor respond? By equating Zionism with anti-Semitism – and suggesting that Swedish Jews would be safer in his town if they distanced themselves from Israeli actions in Gaza.

You don’t have to look far for other danger signs:

· The Norwegian government forbids a Norwegian-based, German shipbuilder from using its waters to test a submarine being built for the Israeli navy.

· Britain and Spain are boycotting an OECD tourism meeting in Jerusalem.

· In the Netherlands, police report a 50% increase in the number of anti-Semitic incidents.

Maybe we shouldn’t be surprised by these things. According to one infamous European poll a few years back, Europeans listed Israel ahead of Iran and North Korea as the greatest threat to world peace.

In Europe today, some of the most egregious attacks on Jewish people, Jewish symbols, and Jewish houses of worship have come from the Muslim population.

Unfortunately, far from making clear that such behavior will not be tolerated, too often the official response is what we’ve seen from the Swedish mayor – who suggested Jews and Israel were partly to blame themselves.

When Europe’s political leaders do not stand up to the thugs, they lend credence to the idea that Israel is the source of all the world’s problems – and they guarantee more ugliness.

If that is not anti-Semitism, I don’t know what is.

That brings me to my second point: the importance of good relations between Israel and the United States.

Some believe that if America wants to gain credibility in the Muslim world and advance the cause of peace, Washington needs to put some distance between itself and Israel.

My view is the opposite.

Far from making peace more possible, we are making hostilities more certain.

Far from making things better for the Palestinian people, sour relations between the United States and Israel guarantees that ordinary Palestinians will continue to suffer.

The peace we all want will come when Israel feels secure – not when Washington feels distant.

Right now we have war.

There are many people waging this war. Some blow up cafes. Some fire rockets into civilian areas. Some are pursuing nuclear arms. Some are fighting the soft war, through international boycotts and resolutions condemning Israel.

All these people are watching the U.S.-Israeli relationship closely.

In this regard, I was pleased to hear the State Department’s spokesman clarify America’s position yesterday. He said that the United States recognizes “the special nature of the Israeli state. It is a state for the Jewish people.”

This is an important message to send to the Middle East. When people see, for example, a Jewish prime minister treated badly by an American president, they see a more isolated Jewish state. That only encourages those who favor the gun over those who favor negotiation.

Ladies and gentlemen, back in 1937, a man named Vladimir Jabotinsky urged Britain to open up an escape route for Jews fleeing Europe.

Only a Jewish homeland, he said, could protect European Jews from the coming calamity.

In prophetic words, he described the problem this way:

“It is not the anti-Semitism of men,” he said. “It is, above all, the anti-Semitism of things, the inherent xenophobia of the body social or the body economic under which we suffer.”

The world of 2010 is not the world of the 1930s. The threats Jews face today are different.

But these threats are real.

These threats are soaked in an ugly language familiar to anyone old enough to remember World War II.

And these threats cannot be addressed until we see them for what they are: part of an ongoing war against the Jews.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for this award. And thank you for all you do.

No Pressure. Only 113,000 persons watching this jump:

http://www.wimp.com/nopressure/

Birthright Citizenship . .

Countries that offer birthright citizenship


HERE ARE ALL THE DEVELOPED NATIONS OF THE WORLD THAT OFFER BIRTHRIGHT CITIZENSHIP TO THE BABIES OF TOURISTS AND ILLEGAL ALIENS:

1. United States

That's right, every other modern developed nation in the world has gotten rid of birthright citizenship policies.

Yet, most of U.S. news media and politicians the last two weeks have ridiculed the comments by some other politicians that it is time for the U.S. to put an end to birthright citizenship for tourists and illegal aliens.

Folks, the U.S. stands alone.

There used to be all kinds of Developed countries that gave away their citizenship as freely as we do in the U.S.

But one by one they all have recognized the folly of that policy.

SOME MODERN COUNTRIES THAT RECENTLY ENDED

THEIR BIRTHRIGHT CITIZENSHIP POLICY:

Canada was the last non-U.S. holdout. Illegal aliens stopped getting citizenship for their babies in 2009.
Australia's birthright citizenship requirements are much more stringent than those of H.R. 1868 and took effect in 2007..
New Zealand repealed in 2006
Ireland repealed in 2005
France repealed in 1993
India repealed in 1987
United Kingdom repealed in 1983
Portugal repealed in 1981

The United States is the laughing stock of the modern world.

Only the U.S. values its citizenship so lowly as to distribute it promiscuously to the off-spring of foreign citizens visiting Disney World on tourist visas and to foreign citizens who have violated their promises on their visitor, work and student visas to stay illegally in the country, as well as to those who sneak across our borders.

It's not just Mexico and South America who are sending illegals across our borders. Currently, the CBP reports that of thoseapprehended illegally crossing the border, China is number one.

Wake up America .

Illegall aliens from China, India, Russia, the Middle East and a host of other nations are flooding the country. Ironically, most often these illegals and/or their offspring are given positions at the front of the line for Government jobs, contracts and assistance.

Look around you! We are giving away our culture, and economic and fiscal strength because our borders are not secure and we bestow citizenship irresponsibly.

More ideas on handling Illegal Immigration . . .

"No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is as formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women." (Ronald Reagan)



While everyone is focusing on Arizona's new law, look what Oklahoma has been doing!





Oklahoma recently passed a law in the state to incarcerate all illegal immigrants, and ship them back to where they came from unless they want to get a green card and become an American citizen. They all scattered. HB 1804. Hope we didn't send any of them to your state. This was against the advice of the Federal Government, and the ACLU, they said it would be a mistake.

Guess what.......... Oklahoma did it anyway.

Recently we passed a law to include DNA samples from any and all illegal's to the Oklahoma database, for criminal investigative purposes. Pelosi said it was unconstitutional. SB 1102

Guess what........ Oklahoma did it anyway.

Several weeks ago, we passed a law, declaring Oklahoma as a Sovereign state, not under the Federal Government directives. Joining Texas, Montana and Utah as the only states to do so. More states are likely to follow: Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, the Carolina's, Tennessee, Kentucky, Missouri, Arkansas, West Virginia,Mississippi, Florida. Save your confederate money, it appears the South is about to rise up once again. HJR 1003

The federal Government has made bold steps to take away our guns. Oklahoma, a week ago, passed a law confirming people in this state have the right to bear arms and transport them in their vehicles. I'm sure that was a set back for the criminals. The Liberals didn't like it -- But ....



Guess what........... Oklahoma did it anyway.




Just this month, the state has voted and passed a law that ALL driver's license exams will be printed in English, and only English, and no other language. They have been called racist for doing this, but the fact is that ALL of the road signs are in English only. If you want to drive in Oklahoma , you must read and write English. Really simple.

By the way, the Liberals don't like any of this either.

Guess what....who cares... Oklahoma is doing it anyway.

Memories . . .


This photo taken in a Senior Center in Boca Raton, Florida. The course was, "How to Prevent Alzheimer's."

The Project of the Day was, "To keep your mind working, try to create something from memory."

A Great Idea for Illegal Immigration Problems

What a great idea. Why the hell don't other cities do this same thing?



Get 'em off the road WITHOUT making 'em show proof of nationality. Wonder
how the ACLU or the Justice Department will get around this one.

Dallas TX's solution to Illegals...Brilliant!!!!

Recently, in the City of Dallas, Texas, they passed an ordinance that if you
are pulled over by law enforcement and not able to provide proof of
insurance, your car will be towed right away. Afterwards, to retrieve your
car after being impounded, you must require proof of insurance to have your
car released. This has made it easy for the City of Dallas to remove
uninsured cars that are typically driven by mostly illegals. Shortly after
"No insurance" ordinance was passed, the Dallas impound lots began to fill
up quickly and was full after nine days. Most of the impounded cars were
driven by illegals. Not only must you provide proof of insurance to have
your car released, you have to pay for the cost of the tow, a $350 fine, and
charged $20 for every day their car is kept in the lot. I would suggest
other cities across the nation to follow what Dallas , Texas is doing. Not
only is it getting uninsured drivers off the road, but it is taking away
vehicles driven by illegals that have no insurance.

The Dance

Turn up the sound, and a hint, go to full screen. (For those who don't know how, just go to the lower right hand corner of the screen, look for a symbol of four arrows (kinda like + only with arrows on each of the four lines). Click on that and you're in full screen mode. To exit, just push Escape.)

A great medley of dances by a medley of great dancers . . . superb piece of video and choreographed beautifully to the music.

Enjoy!




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYL3j27sSH8

This is chilling . .

http://downloads.cbn.com/cbnnewsplayer/cbnplayer.swf?aid=17933

The Slingshot Man . . .

http://www.survivalmonkey.com/forum/firearms/13514-tthe-bean-shooter-may.html

Ole & Sven

Sven is passing by Ole's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Ole doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson.

Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right suspender, followed by the left.

He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers .

Grabbing both sides of his checked shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.

'What on earth are you doing Ole' says Sven

'Jeez Sven, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me' says an obviously embarrassed Ole, 'but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor ... "

Demolition . .

P4o7's at War . . .

Singing Anesthesiologists

Before you consider any kind of surgery, you have to watch the Singing Anesthesiologists from Minnesota do "Waking Up is Hard to Do." I nearly had an asthma attack from laughing!


http://nottotallyrad.blogspot.com/2009/11/waking-up-is-hard-to-do.html



(I've seen this before and have forwarded it previously. But it's a good laugh and worth another look. I have a friend in North San Diego County who is, in fact, an anesthesiologist. This video is well known within his profession. Don't recall exactly, but I seem to remember that he told me not all of these folks are anesthesiologists but severa are anesthetists (a big difference), several are nurses. I'm sure he'll clarify for me as I'm emailing him this copy as well.)

Senior Directions

Exercise for Seniors

I Rescued a Human Today . . .




Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels. I felt her need instantly and knew I had to help her. I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so she wouldn't be afraid.

As she stopped at my kennel I blocked her view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage. I didn't want her to know that I hadn't been walked today. Sometimes the shelter keepers get too busy and I didn't want her to think poorly of them.

As she read my kennel card I hoped that she wouldn't feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someone's life.

She got down on her knees and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort her. Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; she was desperate for companionship.

A tear fell down her cheek and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well. Soon my kennel door opened and her smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into her arms. I would promise to keep her safe. I would promise to always be by her side. I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes. I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor. So many more are out there who haven't walked the corridors. So many more to be saved. At least I could save one.
I rescued a human today.

I have learned . . .

WHAT OTHERS HAVE LEARNED

I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of
milk. Age 6

I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we
sing"Silent Night". Age 7

I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 9

I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom
makes me clean it up. Age 12

I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. Age 13

I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly
glad my parents are strict with me. Age 15

I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. Age 24

I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great
pleasures. Age 25

I've learned that wherever I go, the worlds worst drivers have
followed me there. Age 29

I've learned...that if someone says something unkind about me,I must live so that no one will believe it. Age 39

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just
don't know how to show it. Age 41

I've learned that you can make someone's day by simply sending them a little card. Age 44

I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the
greater his need to cast blame on others. Age 45

I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies.
Age 46

I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for
hours. Age 49

I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away
from the phone. Age 50

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he
handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. Age 52

I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your
parents, you miss them terribly after they die. Age 53

I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Age 58

I've learned that if you want to do something positive for your
children, try to improve your marriage. Age 61

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Age
62

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers
mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. Age 64

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But
if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work,
meeting new people, and doing the very best you can,happiness will find you. Age 65

I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I
usually make the right decision. Age 66

I've learned that everyone can use a prayer. Age 72

I've learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to tell the
truth, I've seen several. Age 73

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
Age 82

I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch
someone. People love that human touch--holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. Age 85

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. Age 92

Sweet Little Ol' Texas Lady . .

One day, a very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Austin . As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin' (means “getting ready to” in the south) to jump. She stopped her car, rolled down the window, and said, "Please don't jump. Think of your dear mother and father."

He replied, "My mom and dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."
She said, "Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children."
He replied, "I'm not married, and I don't have any kids."
She said, "Well, then you just remember the Alamo ."
He replied, ''What's the Alamo ?''
She replied, ''Well bless your heart; just go ahead and jump you little Yankee bastard!''

Buggah!

Here's a funny Toyota pickup commercial from Australia. Makes you realize how boring our ads are...we tend to like trucks plowing through water or hauling a rock




Impossible Cycling Work

Not only an amazing show by a talented cyclist, but a wide variety of scenes from Bonnie Scotland . . .

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cj6ho1-G6tw

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Where Else But America . . .

Things that I found helpful by living this long. The purpose of fighting is to win.
The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than either ... The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental.

1. Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'lljust kill you.

2.. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

3. I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.

4. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

5. A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a 45?' The Ranger responded, 'Because they don't make a 46.'

6. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm 'Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?' 'No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my shotgun.'

7. Beware the man who only carries one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!

I was once asked by a lady visiting if I had a gun in the house. I said I did. She said 'Well I certainly hope it isn't loaded!' To which I said, of course it is loaded, it can't work without bullets!' She then asked, 'Are you that afraid of someone evil coming into your house?' My reply was, "No not at all. I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I have fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded too".

One Lucky Marine . . .

6/23/2010 By Sgt Mark Fayloga, Regimental Combat Team 7

SOUTHERN SHORSURAK, HELMAND PROVINCE, Islamic Republic of Afghanistan -

Cpl. Matt Garst should be dead.

Few people survive stepping on an improvised explosive device. Even fewer walk away the same day after directly absorbing the force of the blast, but Garst did just that.

A squad leader with 3rd Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, Garst was leading his squad on a patrol in Southern Shorsurak, Afghanistan, June 23 to establish a vehicle checkpoint in support of Operation New Dawn.

The men were four miles from Company L's newly established observation post when they approached an abandoned compound close to where they needed to set up their checkpoint. It would serve well as an operating base - a place for the squad to set up communications and rotate Marines in and out of. But first, it had to be secured.

As they swept the area with a metal detector, the IED registered no warning on the device. The bomb was buried too deep and its metallic signature too weak. Two men walked over it without it detonating.

At six feet, two inches tall and 260 pounds with all his gear on, Garst is easily the largest man in his squad by 30 or 40 pounds - just enough extra weight to trigger the IED buried deep in hard-packed soil.

Lance Cpl. Edgar Jones, a combat engineer with the squad, found a pressure plate inside the compound and hollered to Garst, asking what he should do with it. Garst turned around to answer the Marine and stepped on the bomb.

"I can just barely remember the boom," Garst said. "I remember the start of a loud noise and then I blacked out."

Since Garst's improbable run-in with the IED, his tale has spread through the rest of the battalion, and as often happens in combat units, the story mutates, the tale becoming more and more extraordinary about what happened next: He held onto his rifle the whole time . He actually landed on his feet . He remained unmoved, absorbing the impact like he was muffling a fart in a crowded elevator .

What really happened even eludes Garst. All went black after the earth uppercut him. When he came to, he was standing on his feet holding his weapon, turning to see the remnants of the blast and wondering why his squad had a look on their faces as if they'd seen a ghost.

Marines in Company L think Garst is the luckiest guy in the battalion, and while that may seem a fair assessment, it was the enemy's shoddy work that left Garst standing. The three-liters of homemade explosive only partially detonated.

Marines who witnessed the event from inside the compound caught glimpses of Garst's feet flailing through the air just above the other side of the building's eight-foot walls. The explosion knocked him at least fifteen feet away where he landed on his limp head and shoulders before immediately standing back up.

Not quite sure of what had just happened, Garst turned back toward the blast, now nothing but a column of dirt and smoke rising toward the sun.

"My first thought was, 'Oh s---, I just hit an IED,'" he said. "Then I thought, 'Well I'm standing. That's good.'"

Garst's squad stared at him in disbelief. The square-jawed Marine has a tendency to be short-tempered, and the realization that the blast was meant to kill him spiked his adrenaline and anger.

"It pissed me off," he said.

He directed his men to establish a security perimeter while letting them know in his own way that he was OK.

"What the f--- are you looking at?" he said. "Get on the cordon!"

Garst quickly radioed back to base, calling an explosive ordnance disposal team and quick reaction force.

"I called them and said, 'hey, I just got blown up. Get ready,'" he said.

"The guy thought I was joking at first. 'You got blown up? You're not calling me. Get out of here.'"

Once EOD cleared the area, Garst led his squad the four miles back to their observation post - just hours after being ragdolled by an IED blast.

"I wasn't going to let anybody else take my squad back after they'd been there for me," he said. "That's my job."

The next day Garst awoke with a pounding headache and was as sore as he'd ever been in his life.

"Just getting up from trying to sleep was painful," he said.

But he saw no reason being sore should slow him down. He popped some ibuprofen and after a day of rest, Garst was back out on patrol, showing his Marines and the enemy that just like his resolve - Cpl Matt Garst is unbreakable.

Submarine Torpedoes Ship

This is the Australian Submarine Navy doing a live torpedo practice shot on one of their decommissioned ships.



They used a Mk 48 torpedo developed in the USA . It is non nuclear and not a contact weapon.



It is designed to go off directly underneath the ship at about 50 feet under the keel.



The effect is devastating as you can see from the video.








Some Thoughts to Ponder . .

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. So stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry..
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now... Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business..
29.. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35.. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere..
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd
grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

La Traviata

I have seen this, or a variation of this, in several venues. One or two overseas; not sure if I've seen this particular video before or not.

Magnificent!

On Saturday, April 24th, over 30 members of the Opera Company of Philadelphia Chorus and principal cast members from their upcoming production of La Traviata converged on the Reading Terminal Market Italian Festival in Philly.

Wearing street clothes and blending in with the crowd, the artists swung into action after the first orchestral strains of the famed "Brindisi" were piped through the market, giving a rousing, surprise performance for hundreds of delighted onlookers who were there to enjoy the Italian delicacies that the Market has to offer.

The four-minute piece won a thunderous ovation that included both laughter and tears from the audience. You can see it and hear it at:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zmwRitYO3w

Good Police Work by Female Officer

http://shock.military.com/Shock/videos.do?displayContent=217458&ESRC=army.nl

Marriage

A man and his wife were sitting around the breakfast
table one lazy Sunday morning.

He said to her, "When I die I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.."

She asked, "now why would you want me to do something like that?"

"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other asshole using my stuff..."

She looked at him and said, "what makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

We Gots a Puppy! We Gots a Puppy!

So there I was, doing what any right thinking, elderly American man would be doing . . . lying down and resting. At about 11am

Phone rings.

It's Tim Cunning, our beloved, kindly, and wild-eyed Irish president of our Kiwanis Club.

"I was having breakfast with the kids and when we left we saw a bunch of dogs running around, one of which was just a little puppy. It ran out into the street and then would come back, then back into the street."

One of the waitresses said . . ."yep, there goes another pup that's gonna get run over.'

"Then it hit me. That innocent little pup is gonna get killed, I gotta do something."

"So I went and picked the little thing up and looked around for its owner. No one knew who the pup belonged to. And I thought of you."

"What kinda pup?" sez me.

"Little thing. Small pup. Short haired, terrier, female."

"Well," sez me, "I don't know if the cats would accept her, or vice versa. I suppose we could keep her for a day or two and see how they adapted; bring her on by and we'll take a look at her. Are the kids with you?"

"Yes, both Morgan and Andrew are with me."

"Well, I might keep one or two of them as well. Come on by."

About three minutes later he was here, with the kids. And the puppy.

Quiet little mousy thing. I like my pups to have some spunk. To be playful, curious, adventurous. This one liked to sleep.

Morgan was holding her and petting her, while she slept. I could see that Morgan was already getting attached . . . which is what Tim was worried about. They already have four dogs.

At first Evelyn was reluctant to take the puppy. "If we take her she's YOUR dog! You'll have to feed her, take care of her, clean up after her. I'm just too busy. Too many other things to do."

"Well," I sez, "that settles it. Out in the street with the little tyke. Let a car or two run over her. Here . . Evelyn, why don't you hold the puppy just for a few minutes before we throw her to the wolves."

Ever the obedient woman, Evelyn held the puppy and I knew right then we were gonna have a new puppy in the house. I could see Evelyn melting right in front of me as that pup laid its head into the crook of her neck and just commenced to snooze, big as you please.

After a few minutes, Evelyn allowed as how maybe, just maybe, we would keep the pup for a day or two.

As to a name? I suggested "Trixie," as that had been the name of all the dogs I had ever known.

In unison, Tim and Evelyn said, "No! This pup's name will NOT be Trixie!"

They kicked around a few names and then Tim and the kids left for home . . . leaving Evelyn, and me . . . and Trixie.

Farfle, one of the cats, crept out slowly and the two looked at each other. Farfle even tried to make friends with Trixie, gently holding a paw out to touch . . . but Trixie withdrew . . . a little on the shy side. She wags her tail when she sees me. She sleeps a lot, as puppies do. She slept for about an hour with me . . . she's on Evelyn's chest right now, sound asleep, as is Evelyn (who supposedly was watching Dr. Phil).

The house is finally complete. A man. A woman. Some cats. And a puppy.

We gots a puppy! We gots a puppy! And her name is Trixie!

Crankiness . . .

I had occasion to talk to a good friend of mine this morning. He owns a
travel agency. I had mentioned that a week or so ago one of his
employees was rather short and abrupt with me . . . to the point of
being rude. He responded that he was glad I'd mentioned it, that he'd
talk to her . . . but that he understood one of the reasons she
sometimes reacted strangely.

Seems about a year ago her husband had unsuccessfully attempted suicide by shooting himself. He failed, but sustained brain damage that left him with the mental capacity of an 8 year old. Later, it was learned
that the reason for the attempted suicide was that he had apparently
embezzled $3 million from his company and lost it all.

One begins to understand how his wife might react to pressure and
sometimes be less than diplomatic in her exchanges with client and/or
friends of the business, given the severe pressures she must have been,
and continues to be, under.

This brought back a memory of mine, where I had frequented the Escondido Library on a number of occasions and noticed an unusually tart and bitter older lady who worked on the desk there. Never a kind word, never so much as a smile . . . even though, on several occasions, I
sought to cheer her up by bantering with her. To no avail. About a
year after my last encounter with her I noted in the paper that she had
died. . and learned that she had been suffering from cancer for a number
of years. Apparently this gal was in constant physical pain, as well as
the emotional pain of knowing she was terminal. She probably ought not
to have been working. . .at least not in a job that involved people
contact. But, my suspicion is she had no choice. Financially, she
probably had to work. I found myself being a bit ashamed of myself for
having judged her to quicky and too harshly, not knowing the reason for
her crankiness.

I'm seldom cranky. Usually a bright, bubbly lad, always cracking a
joke. Still, I'm capable of being moody and have been rude, on
occasion, to my later embarrassment and shame. When I have been rude, it's usually for similar reasons. Some major crisis has occurred in my life . . . and I'm uncomfortable with it. That also can make me be a
bit short and abrupt. Fortunately, that seldom occurs. Normally, I'm
just good ol' loveable Lyle. But, there are exceptions.

Those of us who make up the human race can be funny folk, can't we?

How to handle a bad day . . .

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!

Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.

When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"

The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 823-4863.

[Keep reading, it gets better.]

The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the
parking pace. I didn't think she was ever going to leave.

Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back
out of the slot. I backed up little more to give her plenty of room to
pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro came flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space.

I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that,
Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro
completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure are a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.

A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just
gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a
jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.)

I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.

After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the
car's parked right out front."

I said, "What's your name?"

"My name is Don Hansen."

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home in the evenings."

"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes."

"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.

For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:

First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."

I yelled "You're a jackass!" but I didn't hang up.

The jackass said, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah."

He said, "Stop calling me."

I said, "No."

He said, "What's your name, Pal?"

I said, "Don Hansen."

He said "Where do you live?"

"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out front."

"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your
prayers."

"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.

Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."

I said, "Hello, Jackass!"

He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?"

"I'll kick your ass."

"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up.

Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.

Glorious!

Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my life!

Joe Cocker - a Classic

Birthday greetings from Joe Cocker. One of the more clever (and enjoyable) captioned videos. In fact, the captions are almost as good as the actual song:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4_MsrsKzMM&feature=player_embedded

Julia Sweeney on Sex Education

Absolutely hilarious!

http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2010/04/06/wits-sweeney/

The Phone Call . . .

A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Afghanistan. He called his parents from Germany.

"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me."

"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."

"There's something you should know," the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mine and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."

"I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live."

"No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us."

"Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden to us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come on home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."

At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the the military police in Germany. Their son died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide.

The grief-stricken parents flew to Germany and were taken to the base
morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg.

The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are.

Perhaps we need to rethink our positions about folks we meet that aren't all that attractive.