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Monday, November 30, 2009

How To Enjoy a Colonoscopy

Ear Infection

They always ask at the doctor's reception why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients.

I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.'

'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people.

You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.

The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.

'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Mess with seniors and you're going to lose!

The Next Julie Andrews?

Skeet for real men:

Even a 7th Grader understands

This is why we have a problem:

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Little Johnny's At It Again . . .

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?'

'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!

' * * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked.

'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
* * * * * * * * * * *
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'

Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'

Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'

His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses,I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.

Vincent Van Gogh's Family Tree . . .

Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh:
His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes------------------------------- Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia ----------------------------- U Gogh
His magician uncle -------------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin ---------------------------------------- A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ------------ Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach --------------- Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle ------------------------------------- Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt -------------------------------- Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle -------------------------------------- Flamin Gogh
The fruit-loving cousin -------------------------------------- Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking ------------------ Way-to-Gogh
The little bouncy nephew ----------------------------------- Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco -------------------------------------- Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV --- Winnie Bay Gogh
I saw you smiling . . . there ya Gogh!

An Excellent Speaker . . .

A powerful, moving speaker. We need more like him.

Florida Congressional candidate Lieutenant Colonel Allen West

Thursday, November 26, 2009

United Breaks Guitars

From Bob Niderost:

I love it when the little guy wins.

Read the story below and then listen to the video. I love it when the little guy wins.

A musician named Dave Carroll recently had difficulty with United Airlines. United apparently damaged his treasured Taylor guitar during a flight. Dave spent over 9 months trying to get United to pay for damages caused by baggage handlers to his custom Taylor guitar. During his final exchange with the United Customer Relations Manager, he stated that he was left with no choice other than to create a music video for youtube exposing their lack of cooperation. The Manager responded : "Good luck with that one, pal".

So he posted a retaliatory video on youtube. The video has since received over 5.5 million hits. United Airlines contacted the musician and attempted settlement in exchange for pulling the video. Naturally his response was: "Good luck with that one, pal".

Taylor Guitars sent the musician 2 new custom guitars in appreciation for the product recognition from the video that has lead to a sharp increase in orders.

Here's the video ..

Sunday, November 8, 2009

The First Post

This is the first post for Lyle's Place.

Lyle's Place is a blog that will feature commentary, cartoons, jokes, stories, photos, photo essays and such other postings and material that I believe will be of interest to our readers. When we use postings from users, that poster will be credited with his/her material submitted. Not all messages will be uploaded to the blog, only those that I believe will continue a theme under discussion, or that will otherwise be of interest to a broad range of our users.

Lyle's Place is free, but moderated. I will likely seek out commercial advertisers to help support the blog.

Probable sub-departments of the blog:

a. Pioneer stories, trivia and other info.
b. Military “ “ “
c. Info on the blog - Email me
d. Search
e. BUY
f. About me
g. Comedy
h. TV/Movies
i. Miscellaneous
j. Archives
k. Cartoons
l. Links
m. CAQ (Constantly Asked Questions)
n. Front Page
i. Links to:

This, then, is the configuration plan. It is a work in progress so may well change as we grow; in fact, it most certainly will. All suggestions are welcome.

Have fun!