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Friday, March 18, 2011

For the really, really hongry . . .

One of my favorite blogs is Mark Evanier's; his blog is mostly about show biz and related items . . . but he comments on a broad spectrum. I love his writing and his wit. Here is just one example:

Because Americans Aren't Eating Enough...'s a list of These are those places that serve you a cheeseburger the size of the Graf Zeppelin and you don't pay for it — plus you get your picture on the wall — if you can eat the entire thing in one hour or before your lower intestine explodes, whichever occurs first. I don't see a single thing on the list that I could eat if you gave me a week...and there are an awful lot there that I wouldn't eat at any size for any reward. For instance, there's a corned beef sandwich there that contains 2.5 pounds of corned beef, 1 pound of swiss cheese, two sliced tomatoes, half a head of lettuce, 1.5 pounds of water roll, a half pound of mustard, 1 pound of sliced pickles, 1 pound of cole slaw and 1.25 pounds of french fries. Cheese, tomatoes and lettuce on a corned beef sandwich? That alone horrifies me almost as much as the pound of slaw.

What I always think of when I see news segments about these deals is: Is the food any good? How many restaurants on this list are known for fine cuisine? I dunno...I figure if a place gets famous for serving a burrito that takes three men to lift, they might not be cooking up the tastiest burrito in the world. Or let's say you order the fifty-pound Mt. Olympus Burger at the Clinton Station Diner in Clinton, New Jersey and you want it medium rare. How likely do we think the inside will be warm pink and the outside will anything less than charred into shale?

I can't even imagine wanting to eat something larger than me. What's the thought process here? "You know, Elmer...eating ten or fifteen orders of ribs at one sitting just isn't filling me up. What I need is a chicken fried steak that has its own area code!" Or is it, "Gosh, I've never really accomplished anything in life...but I'll tell you what would make me feel right proud. If people could walk into a truck stop and see a Polaroid of me on the wall just after I consumed the world's largest chicken parm sub without puking!"

Even before my Gastric Bypass, I could never have finished a tenth of any of these. Now, the double burger at Five Guys is one patty too many for me. In fact, just from reading the list, I feel full. So maybe it has its advantages.

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