Ponderous Thoughts

Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.



Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.



Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.



Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.



Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.



Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.



Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.







Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?



Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.



Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.



Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.



Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.



Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!



Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.



Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.



Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.





Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.



Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.



Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.



Ø There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.



Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.



Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.



Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.





Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.



Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.



Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.



Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.



Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?



Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine