Chuckles

And the Moral is . . .

Leif Ericson came across a little lemming who was about to jump off a cliff into a river.

Leif said, "Don't jump, little lemming."

And he gave the lemming to his assistant who taught it how to wade across instead of jumping off a cliff.

The moral is "If Leif hands you a lemming, make lemmings wade."
The Orange County Ag Show

My wife and I went to the Orange County agricultural show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, ‘THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR.'

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ... smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, ''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR.'

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.'

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, 'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR.'

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, 'That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one.'

I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.'
Norwegian Fire Department

One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, “All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. Someone must save them! I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact.”

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.

Soon, more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department that could bring out the company’s secret files.

From the far distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire company, composed mainly of Norwegians, over the age of 65. To everyone’s amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer, sleek engines that were trying to fight the fire.

Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. The other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides. Everyone was shocked and amazed! It was a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to thank each of the brave fire fighters personally.

The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the scene on video tape and asked their heroic chief, “What are you going to do with all that money?”

“Vell,” said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, “Da first ting ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat darned truck!”
Stupid Questions with the Smart Answers

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number?

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve?

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon?

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay?