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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Another Classic Kent Ballard Rant . . .

Just this morning, I have taken a vow of silence as a member of the
Small Tent Political & Religious Movement. They don't allow me to
converse about politics or religion (sex is okay under some
circumstances). Their platform is that 94.2% percent of people talking
about politics or religion on the Internet eventually spin out of
control and begin ranting and raving and cover their keyboards with
drool. Having suffered from this myself, I was both sworn in and
baptized in a vat of Listerine and will do my best to avoid both
subjects. It's a growing movement and you should look into joining
yourself. They have fascinating rules and even their own language during
meetings. For example, they only have two words that describe all of
humanity, "Us" and "Enemy." Their women wear simple, homespun miniskirts
and the men are required to carry huge Morning Stars or maces. They use
glazed doughnut holes as a sacrament and encourage the drinking of hard
liquor at their meetings, which can become quite rowdy. I was never what
you could call a "joiner," but I think I've found a home among them.

Oh, and we all have to wear stilts in public. The theory is that we will
all appear to be eight feet tall and nobody will want to challenge us.

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