An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and asked, 'Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?'
'Sure it's easy.' replied the neurosurgeon. 'All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie..'
He was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain.
He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him 'I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain.'
The patient replied 'Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?'
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia ?
The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.
One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, 'SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!
A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.
'Black pepper, or white pepper?' asked the concierge.
'Toilette pepper!' yelled the Quebecer.
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.
'Well,' said the American, 'I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here'
'That's amazing!' said the one of the doctors, 'But what happened to the other two?'
'Last I saw them,' replied the American, 'the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his.'