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Monday, December 21, 2009

Great Sayings and observations . . .

Personally I am always ready to learn, but I do not always like being taught. - Winston Churchill

The best part of being an older biker babe is that you
don't have to pull your shirt up quite so far to show
your tits.

"The terrifying power of the human sex drive is horrifically
demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father

"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid
to say and then don't say it."--Sam Levenson "A Dummies' Guide"

Don't throw a brick straight up.

Don't take long naps while driving.

Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.

Your body has the correct number of holes in it. Don't make any more.

When using an acetylene torch, don't feel the flame to see if it's
sufficiently hot.

If you're on a ball field and someone shouts "Heads up!" don't actually
raise your head up. Cover it with your arms and duck.

No matter how tempting it is to be one with nature, stay on the outside
of all fences at the zoo.

When sticking thumb tacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat end.

Under no circumstances should you ever reproduce.

When you find a prize in a box of "Crackerjacks" there is no need to
report it on your income tax return.

One + one = two. Try to remember that.

Don't count the peas in a can. It is not an exact science.

For faster elevator service press the elevator button many times.

April 1st is Your special high holy day.

Seen in a John Deere sales office: The only machine we
don't stand behind is our manure spreader.

"Wild horses couldn't drag a secret out of a woman. However,
women seldom have lunch with wild horses." --Ivern Boyett

The Japanese have invented a camera with a shutter speed so fast it can
photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Sign in the window of a home cookin' restaurant in Phoenix:The best
piece of chicken you'll ever get without being a rooster!

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
- John Wooden

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