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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A great columnist . . .

Irv Erdos is a brilliant columnist for the North County Times, the daily newspaper for North San Diego County.

I know Irv very well; he's been my guest at several Kiwanis meetings where he was the featured speaker. Invariably, he brings the house down.

I've told the powers-that-be at the NCTimes that they should syndicate Irv; he's that good and a lot of his stuff would work in any market. Not only would Irv make more money but the NCTimes could charge licensing fees and make some extra cash as well.

Here's one of Irv's columns that brought several chuckles from me. Enjoy:

"Who's On First?"

My son Jason, age 4, was bitten by our cat. So I called the pediatrician.

"Jason got bitten by the cat. What should I do?"

"Did he have his shots?"

"Who, the cat?"

"No, Jason."

"Yes, he has."

"OK, that means we're OK on this end. Now you'll have to call the humane society to check with them."

So, I called the humane society:

"My son Jason got bitten by the cat."

"Did he have his shots?"

"Who, Jason?"

"No, the cat."

"I'm afraid not."

"Has he been acting strange?"

"Sometimes he draws on the walls with a crayon."

"The cat can draw?"

"No, Jason."

"I'm talking about the cat."

"The cat can't draw."

"I realize that. I want to know if the cat appears sick."

"No, I don't believe so."

"OK, that's a good sign. Where was Jason bitten?"

"In the kitchen."

"I mean where on his body?"

"On his arm. I know that must have hurt. I once got bitten there myself."

"By who, the cat?"

"No, Jason."

"We have to talk about a quarantine. He's going to have to stay at home for 10 days."

"Does that mean he'll have to miss school?"

"The cat goes to school?"

"No, Jason."

"I'm talking about the cat."

"The cat doesn't go to school."

"I know the cat doesn't go to school. I'm trying to tell you the cat has to stay in the house for 10 days so he can be observed. We have to watch for rabies symptoms and make sure he doesn't get bitten."

"Who, Jason?"

"No, the cat."

"Why would I worry if the cat gets bitten?"

"If the cat gets bitten by a rabid animal after he bit Jason, we'd have no way of knowing whether he had rabies in the first place."

"Who, Jason?"

"No, the cat."

"Forgive me for saying so, but it appears as though you're more worried about the cat than Jason."

"It may seem that way, sir, but I assure you your son's health is our only concern. We'll call you in 10 days to see how he's doing."

"Who, Jason?"

"No, the cat."
Irv Erdos of Escondido is a freelance columnist. Contact him at

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