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Thursday, May 6, 2010

A comedy . . . of sorts . . . maybe a tragedy

This is purportedly an acutal letter to the Passport Office. I'm not sure if this is an actual letter or an apocryphal letter that addresses a problem. In any event, it makes for some amusing reading:

Dear Sirs,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe
this. How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number
and knows that I bought a cable t.v. from them back in 1987, and yet,
the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have
on my social security card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've
filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my
driver's license, on the last eight damn passports I've had, on all
those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before
being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all those
insufferable census forms that are done at election times.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's
name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely
astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!

I apologize, I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me,
I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my
house, then you ask me for my address.

What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthal asses working there!

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to
dig up Yasser Arafat, I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy

And would someone please tell me, why would you care whether I plan on
visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do
something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as
hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the
city and get another copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of
$60. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same
spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?
Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather
have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut
off, then find some idiot to confirm that it's really me on the damn
picture - you know,the one where we're not allowed to smile?!
(bureaucratic morons) Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're
totally pissed off!

Signed - An Irate Citizen.

P.S.. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone
to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country
since 1776 ........I have served in the military for something over 30
years and have had security clearances up the yingyang..........However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN INDIA !


You Sure In The Hell Should Know Who I Am.

.......And you want them to run our health care?

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