Limericks

Tis a favorite project of mine,
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9

Once found a priest in Jamaica,

He thought if he should or not make her,
But make her do what?
Is the end of the plot?
Or just another orgasmic milk shaker

I am very strange indeed,
In fact I feel like a weed,
Then out with the trowel,
Cut me up with a growl,
Before I can plant some more seed.

The 80-year-old accused of rape was Mort,
The judge did his best, though he was quite short,

But the jury was sympathetic,
Coz Mort was old and pathetic,
And the evidence wouldn't stand up in the court.

There was a young fellow named Goody.
Who claimed that he wouldn't, but would he?
If he found himself nude,
With a gal in the mood,
The question's not would he, but could he?

A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she'd "just take a chance."
She let herself go
For an hour or so
And now all her sisters are aunts.

Bigamy, they say, is a vice,
And more than one spouse is not nice,
But one is a bore,
I'd prefer three or four,
And the plural of spouse is spice?

A gay chap who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
And they argued all night
About who had the right
To do what and with which and to whom

A limerick fan from Australia
regarded his work as a failure:
his verses were fine
until the fourth line
because the fifth line did not rhyme much ;)

The sea captain's tender young bride
Fell into the bay at low tide,
You could tell by her squeals,
That some of the eels
Had discovered a dark place to hide.

There once was a fellow from Yuma,
Who told an elephant joke to a puma.
Now his skeleton lies,
Under hot western skies,
The Puma had no sense of huma!

(You have to have an inkling about Einstien's TOR for this one to work on you)

There was a young lady named Kite
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She left home one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

(A Little Mental Health Humour)

A young schizophrenic named Struther,
Who learned of the death of his Brother,
Said, "I know that its bad,
But I don't feel too sad.
After all, I still have each other."

The limerick is furtive and mean;
You must keep her in close quarantine,
Or she sneaks to the slums
And promptly becomes
Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

There was a fair maiden of Exeter,
So pretty that guys craned their necks at her.
One was even so brave
as to take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.

A bather whose clothing was strewed,
By winds that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along,
And unless we are wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.

There was a young girl from Rabat
Who had triplets: Nan, Pat, and Tat.
It was fun in the breeding,
but hell in the feeding,
as she found she had no tit for Tat.

And in the Honorable Mention,

ice Try Category:

There was a young man from LeDoux,
Whose limericks stopped at line two.

There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When asked why this was,
He replied "It's because
I always try to fit as many syllables into the last line as ever possibly I can."

A programming genius called Sewter
Built a limerick-writing computer.
The metre was fine
and the rhymes quite divine
But for some reason the damn thing always
got the last line wrong.