The Thrifty Scots . . .

MacNab was stopped by a beggar who said piteously, "I haven't eaten for three days!"

"Man, what self-control!" marveled MacNab.
•••••
As jock got off the plane in Paris, the immigration officer said: 'What ees zee purpose of your visit to France, M'sieu?"

"Och well," confided Jock, "I'm on ma honeymoon!"

"My congratulations!" said the officer. "But.... where ees your wife?"

"Och," beamed Jock, "she's already been to Paris!"
•••••
Did you hear about Angus MacTavish the famous Scottish jockey? He's been riding backwards ever since his horse swallowed a 1 pound note!
•••••
MacGregor, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost 50 pounds an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee.

"Man," he said, "anywhere in Scotland would be cheaper!"

"Perhaps," said the travel agent, "but remember the Sea of Galilee is the water in which our Lord walked."

"At fifty pounds," said MacGregor, "It's nae wonder he
walked!"
•••••
MacTavish was taking his girlfriend for a wee drive on his motorbike. As they passed a hot-dog stand, she said hintingly, "My word, those hot-dogs smell good!"

"Hold on a minute," said MacTavish, "I'll turn round and
drive closer so you can get a better smell!"
•••••
Jock and his wife went to London by train for a weekend. There was a notice on the carriage which said: SPITTING STRICTLY FORBIDDEN. PENALTY 5 pounds.

After a bit Jock's wife began to feel funny and said, "Oh Jock,
I think I'm going to be sick!"

"Not here woman," said Jock. "It costs 5 pounds just to spit."