Ponderous Stuff

YOU CAN'T

You can't cure hams with a hammer,
You can't weigh grams with a grammar,
Mend socks with a socket,
Build docks with a docket,
Nor gather up clams with a clamor.

You can't pick locks with a pickle,
You can't cure the sick with a sickle,
Pluck figs from a figment,
Drive pigs with a pigment,
Nor make your watch tick with a tickle.

You can't make a mate of your mater,
You can't get a crate from a crater,
Catch moles with a molar,
Bake rolls with a roller -
But you can get a wait from a waiter.

You can't raise crops with a cropper,
You can't shave your chops with a chopper,
Break nags with a nagger,
Shoot stags with a stagger,
Nor pop to the store with a popper.

You can't grow your beeves from a beaver,
You can't catch the heaves from a heaver,
Get grains from a grainer,
Draw strains from a strainer,
Nor cleave to your wife with a cleaver.

A bat can't be made out of batter,
A flat's not a thing that can flatter,
A pond does not ponder,
A wand will not wander,
And so that's the end of this patter.