Limericks

mostly from Marty Weiss . . .

There was a fair maiden of Exeter,
So pretty that guys craned their necks at her.
One was even so brave
as to take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.

In Exeter there are many a fine lass
who, when receiving an unwanted pass,
lifts up her nose
strikes a haughty pose
and wiggles the cheeks of her ass

There was a young girl from Rabat
Who had triplets: Nan, Pat, and Tat.
It was fun in the breeding,
but hell in the feeding,
as she found she had no tit for Tat.


It's rare to find a wet nurse now,
as more kids are fed from a cow.
But if babies could talk
instead of just squawk
they'd ask for a real teat, and how.

There once was a plumber from Lea
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea
She said "Stop your plumbing
I think someones coming"
Said the plumber, still plumbing "It's me"

The 80-year-old accused of rape was Mort,
The judge did his best, as he ought.
But the jury was sympathetic,
Coz Mort was old and pathetic,
And the evidence wouldn't stand up in court.

Mort's fame spread oh so far and wide,
He managed to snare a young bride.
"We'll honeymoon in Niagra
where you'll feed me Viagra,
that my medicare plan will provide."