Dumb, but True . . .

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PUTTING THE "FUN" BACK IN FUNERALS: The city of Providence, R.I., has
issued a license for a new Irish pub in town. Such isn't normally big
news, except that the license was issued to the Monahan Funeral Home,
and the pub will be inside the mortuary. Publican Mark Russell says the
mortuary has been in business in Providence since 1876, and promises
that "We'd never allow something to develop that would be adverse to
the neighborhood." (WPRI-TV) ...Locals, however, are glad to finally
have a place where they can drink in the mourning.

COMPACT CRIMINAL: A Walmart store in Alliance, Ohio, called police to
report a man had wheeled an estimated $1,000 worth of merchandise out
of the store without paying for it. When officers arrived they chased
after the suspect, but lost him in the darkness. They searched for 40
minutes before a frantic 911 call: "I'm in the back of a trash truck
that keeps compacting me!" James Brienzo, 37, had apparently hidden
from police in a trash dumpster, which was picked up minutes later. "He
was pretty well compacted" by the time officers found the right truck,
Police Chief Scott Griffith said. Brienzo was so intertwined with the
6-8 tons trash that the truck had to dump its load to free him, and he
was hospitalized in critical condition. His arrest record filled 26
pages, including a previous arrest at the same Walmart. (Canton Times-
Reporter, WJW-TV) ...Think he learned his lesson this time? Nah, me
either.





THE KIND THIEF: A professor at Umea University in northern Sweden was
upset when his laptop computer was stolen. It wasn't so much the
computer, but the data. "Unfortunately, I have been bad at backing up
my computer," he lamented. The professor asked to remain anonymous; he
was noted only as being a leader is his field. A week later, he got a
surprise in the mail: a memory stick that was taken with the computer.
The thief had backed up the professor's data, and sent it to him. "I am
very happy," the professor said. "This story makes me feel hope for
humanity." (Sweden Local) ...Ah, so he's a sociology professor.