Churchy News . . .

LOT 'S WIFE

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and
turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted,
'My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,' he announced
triumphantly, 'and she turned into a telephone pole!'
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GOOD SAMARITAN

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the
Good Samaritan. She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on
the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?'

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw up.'
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DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did
a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?'

'No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms.'
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HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been
learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a
Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?'

One child blurted out, 'Aces!'
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MOSES AND THE RED SEA
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Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.

'Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind
enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt . When he
got to the Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people
walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They
sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.'

'Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?' his Mother asked.

'Well, no, Mom.. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!'
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THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class
memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23.
She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.

Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the
Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in
front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he
stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, and
that's all I need to know.'
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UNANSWERED PRAYER

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father
always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.
One day, she asked him why.

'Well, Honey,' he began, proud that his daughter was so
observant. 'I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.'

'How come He doesn't answer?' she asked.
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BEING THANKFUL

A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, 'So your mother
says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable.
What does she say?'

The little boy replied, 'Thank God he's in bed!'
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UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER

During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud
whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified.
She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked,
'Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?'

Tommy answered soberly, 'I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!'
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TIME TO PRAY

A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.
'Yes, sir.' the boy replied.

'And, do you always say them in the morning, too?' the pastor asked.
'No sir,' the boy replied. 'I ain't scared in the daytime.'
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ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS

When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would
bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and
past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli
would say, 'And all girls.'

This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this
closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, 'Kelli, why do
you always add the part about all girls?'

Her response, 'Because everyone else always finish their prayers
by saying 'All Men'!'
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SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was
being served.
When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

'Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.' said his mother.

'I don't need to,' the boy replied. 'Of course, you do.' his mother
insisted. 'We always say a prayer before eating at our house.'
'That's at our house.' Johnny explained. 'But this is Grandma's house and
she knows how to cook!'