Sunday

It's been an unseasonably warm winter here in little ol' Escondido, California.

(Escondido - "Hidden" in Spanish. We live in a Hidden Valley, thus the name).

Temps have been in the 80's for about a week and a half. It's fooling Mother Nature herself. We have flowers blooming already in the front yard . . . we quite often hear Mockingbirds singing to attract a mate. I think it's gonna be unrequited love as I'm pretty sure the female mockingbirds won't respond until the real spring arrives . . . but, then, I could be wrong. If a guy mockingbird is a good whistler ... you just never know.

A few of the trees have had their leaves blown off by the late summer and early fall winds. I noticed this morning, during Trixie's walk, that a lot of those trees have big clumps of mistletoe. If I were a young, athletic, and enterprising kid, I'd climb those trees with a pair of nippers, shear the mistletoe bunches off and drop them to the ground, then bag them up, put them in a cooler and save them till late November, early December, then put them in cellophane packages and sell them for $2 a bag. I'd make $15,000-$20,000 in one month.

I'd be doing a great favor for the owners of those trees as mistletoe is a parasite. Cutting them off the trees would make the trees healthier. Too many mistletoe, draining the sap of a tree, can kill it. We had mistletoe back in Omaha, where I grew up . . . but nowhere near the volume we have here in California.

But, I'm no longer young and athletic and I don't climb trees much any more. It seems I have grown older and we old folks have no business climbing trees. Besides, I have taken a solemn and sacred vow to avoid anything that closely resembles work.

I write. That is my work. Some might say . . "work? Writing is work?"

Yup. I often work 12-18 hours a day. Writing is not a 9 to 5 job. Granted, some writing jobs, with advertising agencies, newspapers, etc., are 9 to 5. Mine isn't. I sometimes, often, in fact, write at 3, 4, 5 am. When ideas for a story, essay or commentary come to you, you have to write it. Now, lest you forget it come morning, upon awakening.

Not complaining. Not at all. I love to write.

I can't do anything else. I'm all thumbs when it comes to repairing anything. A frozen right shoulder due to arthritis limits what I can do around the house. I'm not interested at all in gardening or yard care. Have lost my desire to travel. We'll be going to New Orleans in June for the International Kiwanis Convention. Love New Orleans! We're got someone to look after Trixie that we really trust, so we should be able to relax and enjoy ourselves. I hate conventions. They bore me. But I'll tolerate one to get a trip to New Orleans.

But to "retire" and travel a lot? Nope. Not for me. But I have no idea what I'd do if I sold the paper . . . or if health issues would interfere with my ability to read and to write. I'd be bored silly. I'm not the type to sit on the front porch rocking chair. I like to raise hell now and then . . . and do.

So, I write. And seeing as how it is now time to bring the current issue of The Paper up to date and get ready for this coming week's issue . . . I bid you adieu.

For now.

I'll be back to pester you later.

Spring Awakening

Took in a musical tonight. Well, we stayed till intermission.

A good friend had invited us to see "Spring Awakening, A New Musical," staged by the California Youth Conservatory Theatre at the (Lawrence) Welk Theatre, near Escondido.

We've been to the Welk many times before. Almost always enjoyed ourselves.

My good friend has a daughter, a high school junior, in the musical. While I didn't feel like going to a musical or play I didn't want to let my good friend down and I wanted to support his daughter's efforts.

He, Evelyn, and I, all three got quite an education.

The musical, billed as an 8-time Tony Award winning musical, left me cold. Almost shivering, in fact.

We were prepared to accept and understand that there was adult language and an adult theme. I have heard adult language . . . on rare occasions, I may have even used it myself. I have also read books, and seen movies . . . with adult themes. Somehow, I survived. They did post a disclaimer:

ADVISORY: SPRING AWAKENING contains mature themes, sexual situations and strong language. This production is in no way affiliated with or produced by the Welk Theatre and Welk assumes no responsibility for content.

Well, wait a minute. How can Welk assume no responsibility for content? The Welk organization has built an outstanding reputation for presenting family fare, music and plays you would not be ashamed or embarrassed to take your family members to see.
Did anyone from the Welk Organization read the book or the score? If so, I'm surprised they agreed to rent the theatre to the Youth Conservancy. I would think, in order to not tarnish the Welk reputation, they would have repudiated this musical and declined to rent.

In my judgment, and I'm far from being a prude, the musical was totally inappropriate for the venue of The Welk Theatre.

Several of the scenes give pause to a theatre patron:

a. One scene where one of the male actor simulates masturbation. (At least I THINK he was simulating)!
b. Another scene where the male and female lead simulate copulation on the stage (At least I THINK it was simulated)!

The theme of the musical has to do with the "timeless story of teenage self-discovery and budding sexuality as seen through the eyes of three teenagers."

Those elite theatre-going folks back east in New York City . . . on Broadway, seem to think this is the cat's pajamas. Rave reviews.

This little ol' farm boy from Nebraska will not give a rave review. Those who know me know I am anything but a prude. The musical might be okay in a proper venue. An avant-garde' theatre, for example. But at the (Lawrence) Welk Theatre? Nope. Totally inappropriate.

I would not take a family member of mine to see "Spring Awakening," not even at another venue. Indeed, by intermission Evelyn and I had seen and heard enough. We took leave.

My friend who had invited us, met us as we headed toward the lobby at intermission. He was flabbergasted. "I had no idea this was the theme or dialogue of the show. The only issue I had with my daughter is she was rehearsing for the last three months and I thought that was too much, taking away from her other school work and activities. I never really knew what the musical was about. Now I have to figure out how to address this situation with her." He was clearly uncomfortable.

While I told him we did not care for the musical, it wasn't 'our cup of tea,' we also told him we thought his daughter did an excellent job of singing and dancing, which she did.

Being sophisticated patrons of the arts and used to fine dining . . . we went to IHOP for a late night dinner of Belgian Waffles with two eggs, over medium well, and blueberry syrup. Evelyn had some hash-brown potatoes with scrambled eggs on top.
I believe these food items are what sophisticated theatre patrons order routinely.

So much for my foray into the world of theatre arts. Broadway can keep this one. Not for me, thank you very much.

Telephone Poles

There was a Midwestern phone company that was going to hire one team of telephone

pole installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two Norwegian guys

and a team of two Irish guys.. So the boss met with both teams and said: "Here's

what we'll do. Each team will be installing poles out on the new road for a day.

The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job."


Both teams headed right out. At end of the shift, Pat and Mike, the Irish guys,

came back and the boss asked them how many they had installed. They said that it

was tough going, but they'd put in twelve.


Forty-five minutes later, Ole and Sven, the Norwegian guys came back in and they

were totally exhausted. The boss asked, "Well, how many poles did you guys

install?"


Ole, the team leader wiped his brow and sighed, "Sven and me, we got three in."


The boss gasped, "Three? Those two Irish guys put in twelve!"


"Yeah," said Ole, "but you should see how much they left stickin' out of the

ground."

Sunday Evening

Our Kiwanis Club held its second annual "garage sale" yesterday; actually, the sale is on a parking lot adjacent to a heavily traveled street. A local guy donates a storage van and folks are invited to bring in the trash/treasure to be sold, profits going to the Kiwanis General Fund. I signed up for the early shift, 6:30am to 9am, so did Evelyn, but she stayed all morning, not leaving till noon. I left early because I had a meeting with a client and my sales manager. Last I heard, we made about $1,000, perhaps more.

At one point, Kevin Camperell, a local CPA and fellow Kiwanian, was chatting with two Mexican lady shoppers. "See that grey haired fella sitting over there, with the sun glasses? $2." Without batting an eye, the Mexican lady said, "$1." So I had my value set.

However, later in the morning two other Mexican ladies came by and I pointed to myself, saying, "Soy muy baratto . . Cinco dollares!" (I'm a very good bargain, Five dollars). She laughed and said, "I would pay $10." So I multiplied my value 10-fold in the space of a couple hours.

When I got back about 3pm from my client meeting, Evelyn was sound asleep. She slept for about two hours, completely exhausted from the long morning in the hot sun. I learned later she had bought the white easy chair I had been sitting in (for $30. A steal!) . . . but today I found about four or five boxes full of things she just couldn't resist. I told her when we hold the garage sale next year I was going to prohibit her from attending.

Today we went to a Collectibles Show at the Center for the Arts. Not something that really excites me, just went out of curiousity and a possible story for the paper. The only thing I found of interest was a rawhide bullwhip. I fingered it gently and looked at Evelyn and said . . ."Hmm, I just may have a use for this . . ." She glared at me and I put the whip down. Besides, they wanted $30. $15, maybe I would have bought it. For disciplinary reasons, you understand.

Taking Trixie for a walk this morning on the front lawn and looked down to see a tail and some innards from some type of animal. At first I thought the tail was that of a large rat . . but I think now it was more likely an opposum. I'm thinking an owl swooped down and got it . . . but owls, I believe, tend to swallow their prey whole. I've seen them on video swallowing a whole rabbit and a whole opposum.
This animal had been torn apart and eaten . . . something I would think more likely of a hawk or eagle, both of which we have around here.

We thought the owls had left. Evelyn used to hear them screech every evening as soon as it got dark. She'd notice them when she'd walk Trixie. Lately, she has not heard them screech so we figured they had moved on. I haven't checked the pile of owl poop at the base of their house so don't know if it's gotten larger or stayed the same. Given this mornings discovery, perhaps they are still here.

I was taking Trixie for a walk tonight and Evelyn came down the street, returning from shopping at Costco, and turned the corner toward our home. Trixie recognizes her car and the second she saw mommy coming home she belted off after the car to see her mommy. That little pup pulls me like a sled dog. I'm 235 lbs, she's, perhaps, 15 . . . but she can pull me along to where I have to run to keep up with her . . . then I start laughing at what must be a comical sight to the neighbors . . . this little bitty dog pulling this somewhat beefy man in the direction of a dark blue Hyundai . . . with the man laughing. The more I pictured this image, the harder I laughed.

Then, of course, the minute Trixie reaches mommy she sniffs her once or twice and then goes exploring again.

She is smart, that Trixie. She can spell. It's gotten so when I ask Evelyn if we should take "her for a R-I-D-E," she jumps up and twirls round and round; we ain't fooling her. And Heaven help me if I dare say, before Ms. Evelyn is ready, "does Trixie wanna go for a CAR RIDE?" . . . Again, she goes nuts. And Evelyn glares at me cause she hasn't put her face on or combed her hair or changed her shoes. I have learned to keep mum until I know mommy is ready to go, for sure. We just can't get the pup too excited.

Once in the car she settles down on my left thigh and looks out the window, the perfect little lady. She absolutely loves to go for car rides. It's getting so bad I start to feel guilty every time I leave the house and we have to leave her home.

I think Trixie has mommy and daddy trained pretty well.

More tomorrow, perhaps. For now, nighty-night.

lyle

Take the Test!

The fact that so few people pass this test is a pure example of how bad our education system is regarding important things. We assume we know a lot about government, but when it comes to pin-pointing what the items are, we slip. I know - its been a long time since some of us studied government.

It takes 70% to pass. The average is 55%. I got 81.82%

Try it yourself: Good luck.


http://www.isi.org/quiz.aspx?q=FE5C3B47-9675-41E0-9CF3-072BB31E2692

How the Internet Really Began . . .

> How the Internet Really Began
>
>
> In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.
> And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
> Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
>
> And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her - as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load - but simply said,
> "How, dear?"
>
> And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
>
> Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
>
> To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures: Hebrew To The People (HTTP).
>
> But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and began to siphon off some of Abraham's business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and prosecuted for insider trading.
>
> And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.
>
> And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drum heads and drumsticks.
>
> Lo, Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others!" And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known, he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are." And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." “YAHOO!," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
>
> Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
>
> And that is how it all began. Honest to God!
>
> =

The Green Bay Packers . .

After the Packers / Bills game, Buffalo released quarterback Trent Edwards.

During the Packers / Eagles game, the Packers injured Philadelphia quarterback Kevin Kolb.

Philadelphia then had to play backup quarterback Michael Vick.

During a playoff game against the Eagles, the Packers injured Michael Vick and another backup was needed.

After the Packers / Cowboys game, Dallas fired Wade Phillips.

After the Packers / Vikings game, Minnesota fired Brad Childress.

Four weeks after losing to the Packers, the 49er's coach Mike Singletary was fired and replaced.

During the Bears Playoff game, the Packers injured Jay Cutler and backup Todd Collins.
forcing the Bears to go with 3rd string quarterback Caleb Hanie.

Question: Is it just me, or did the Packers create more jobs than Obama last year?

Ole and Lena and Lars

Ole, Lena, and Lars
Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?"
"Just a minute," said the busy clerk.
"Vell," said Lena , "I don't want to go dat fast, I tink I'll youst take da bus."
***
The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena , who had sued for non-support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife 400 a month for support."
"Vell, dat's fine, Judge" said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks myself."

�
***
A waitress asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?"
"No, I don't," said Ole
"A canoe will sometimes tip," explained the waitress.

***
Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled, "Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"

***
Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working."
Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No."

***
Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'."
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died'? Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. You just say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "OK. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale'."

***
"Hey, Sven," said Ole, "how many Swedes does it take to grease a combine?"
After Sven replied, "I don't know,"
Ole said, "Only two, if you run them through real slow."

***
Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel.
"Have you eaten your banana yet," Ole asked excitedly?
"No," replied Lars..
"Vell, don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed, "I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"

***
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.
"Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet."
"How come," asked Lars?
"Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."

***
Ole and Lena went to the Olympics.
While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and said, "Are you a pole vaulter?"
Ole said, "No, I'm Norvegian and my name isn' Valter."

***
Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of the little town of Minnetonka , Minnesota .
The policeman, who was good friend of Ole', said, "Ole What in the worlld are you doing? Where are your clothes? You'e naked."
"Yah, I know," said Ole. "You see, I vas over to dat 'swinger' Sven's for his birthday party. Dere vas about 28 of us. Der vas boys and girls."
"Is that right?", his policeman friend asked.
"Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Sven, he says, 'Everybody get into the bedroom!" So vee all go into the bedroom den he yells, Everybody git nakked!' Vel, vee all got undressed Den he yells, Everybody go to town!'"
"Oh, my!", exclaimed the policeman.
"Yah, Yah. I guess I'm the first one here."

***
Ole was stopped by a game warden in Northern Wisconsin recently leaving a lake well known for its Walleyes. He had two buckets of fish.
As it was during the spawning season, the game warden asked, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
Ole replied, "No, sir! Dese here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the warden replied.
"Ya sure, you betcha." answered Ole. "Every night I take dese fish here down to da lake and let dem svim around for a while. Den I vhistle and dey yump back into der buckets and I take dem home."
"That's a bunch of hooey. Fish can't do that." Said the game warden.
Ole looked at the game warden with an expression of great hurt, and then said, "Yumpin Yimminy! Vell den, I'll just show you den. It really does vork, don'tcha know?"
"O.K. I've got to see this!" The game warden was really curious now.
So Ole poured the fish into the lake and stood waiting. After several minutes, the game warden turned to Ole and said, "Well?"
"Vell what?" responded Ole.
"When are you going to call them back?"
"Call who back?" asked Ole.
"The fish!"
"What fish?"

***
To those in North Dakota , Minnesota , and for that matter the rest of the country, including Canada , I must report the sad news that Ole was shot. He was up by the Canadian border on his 4-wheeler cutting some trees when some rangers looking for terrorists spotted him.
According to the news reports, the rangers shouted to him over a loudspeaker, "Who are you and what are you doing?"
Ole shouted back, "OLE......BIN LOGGIN'!"

Luke Air Force Base . . .

True Story..... confirmed by snopes.com, with some additional background . . . go here:

http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/wakeup.asp



> Luke AFB is west of Phoenix and is rapidly being surrounded by civilization that complains about the noise from the base and its planes, forgetting that it was there long before they were... A certain lieutenant colonel at Luke AFB deserves a big pat on the back. Apparently, an individual who lives somewhere near Luke AFB wrote the local paper complaining about a group of F-16s that disturbed his/her day at the mall.
>
> When that individual read the response from a Luke AFB officer, it must have stung quite a bit.
>
> The complaint:
> 'Question of the day for Luke Air Force Base:
>
> Whom do we thank for the morning air show? Last Wednesday, at precisely 9:11 A.M, a tight formation of four F-16 jets made a low pass over Arrowhead Mall, continuing west over Bell Road at approximately 500 feet. Imagine our good fortune! Do the Tom Cruise-wannabes feel we need this wake-up call, or were they trying to impress the cashiers at Mervyns early bird special?
>
> Any response would be appreciated.
>
> The response:
>
> Regarding A wake-up call from Luke's jets' On June 15, at precisely 9:12 a.m., a perfectly timed four- ship fly by of F-16s from the 63rd Fighter Squadron at Luke Air Force Base flew over the grave of Capt. Jeremy Fresques. Capt Fresques was an Air Force officer who was previously stationed at Luke Air Force Base and was killed in Iraq on May 30, Memorial Day.
>
> At 9 a. m. on June 15, his family and friends gathered at Sunland Memorial Park in Sun City to mourn the loss of a husband, son and friend. Based on the letter writer's recount of the fly by, and because of the jet noise, I'm sure you didn't hear the 21-gun salute, the playing of taps, or my words to the widow and parents of Capt. Fresques as I gave them their son's flag on behalf of the President of the United States and all those veterans and servicemen and women who understand the sacrifices they have endured..
>
> A four-ship fly by is a display of respect the Air Force gives to those who give their lives in defense of freedom. We are professional aviators and take our jobs seriously, and on June 15 what the letter writer witnessed was four officers lining up to pay their ultimate respects.
>
> The letter writer asks, "To whom do we thank for the morning air show'? The 56th Fighter Wing will make the call for you, and forward your thanks to the widow and parents of Capt Fresques, and thank them for you, for it was in their honor that my pilots flew the most honorable formation of their lives.
>
> Lt. Col. Grant L. Rosensteel, Jr.

Another Drunken Pilot?

Video of a stunt pilot who, in real life, is a Delta Airlines pilot.

His act at air shows is to pretend that he is a drunken spectator who rushes from
the stands and jumps into a Piper Cub and takes off without any
understanding of how to fly a plane.

The Piper Cub is actually specifically built to withstand an enormous
amount of stress and has a very powerful engine. This type of stunt
is actually the most dangerous of air show acts, because of the low
altitude at which the pilot performs. Obviously, this pilot
possesses unbelievable skill.

Check out the landing at the end - that is special!

All you need to know about Government Bureaucracy

** Lord's prayer: ...........................................................66 words.

** Archimedes' Principle: ..............................................67 words.

** 10 Commandments: ...............................................179 words.

** Gettysburg address: ......................... .......................286 words.

** Declaration of Independence : .............................1,300 words.

** US Constitution with 27 Amendments : ................ 7,818 words.

** US Government regulations on sale of cabbage: .. 26,911 words.

Leaving Home . . .

The Jackass Games

The Best Feeling Ever . . .

I think this marriage is in trouble.

The Golf Ball and the Sand Wedge

A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet. Then the woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have a golf ball.'

Man - 'That's nice.'

Boy - 'Want to buy it?'

Man - 'No, thanks.'

Boy - 'My dad's outside.'

Man - 'OK, how much?'

Boy - '$250'

A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover, are in the closet together..

Boy - 'Dark in here.'

Man - 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have sand wedge.
'The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'

Boy - '$750'

Man - 'Sold.'

A few days later, the boys father says to the boy, 'Grab your sand wedge and golf ball, let's go outside and have some short game practice. The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and sand wedge dad.'

The father says, 'What?! How much did you sell them for?'

Boy - '$1,000.'

The father says, 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.'

They go to the church, and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The priest says, 'Don't start that shit with me again. You're in my closet now.'

UPS Man

One Monday morning the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

"Wow. Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,the UPS man comments.

Bob, in obvious pain, replies "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. Hell, we all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."

The UPS man thinks a moment and says, "How do you play WHO AM I?"
"Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.

"The UPS man laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."

"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds, "your name came up seven times."

Spectacular Video!

M-1 Rifle River Dance

Received this from a good friend who is a retired Marine Major.

This is "RiverDance" with boots and rifles! I can't remember ever
seeing a display of precision to beat this! All the precision drill is
being performed on ICE!

Those are US made Garand M-1 rifles (WWII), and they are heavy
weapons (9 POUNDS EACH).

When that one fellow goes on his own - YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A RIFLE
SPUN THAT FAST!

http://sorisomail.com/email/16993/exibicao-de-banda-militar--um-espectaculo-imperdivel.html

Note: The band is the Royal Norwegian Guard . . . (we Norwegians are pretty doggone good, aren't we?!)

"Little Richard" as a child . . .

This is amazing to see. It's Richard Wayne Penniman (aka Little
Richard) about fifteen years before "Rip it Up", "Tutti Frutti", etc.
If you're familiar with the early period Beatles, you'll know that
McCartney was heavily influenced by Little Richard. A-whop bop-a-lu bop
a-whop bam boom Here is some very rare footage of "Little Richard" as
a child, when he was just starting out in the music biz' from
some movie with Van Johnson.





http://www.wimp.com/oldschool/

This is Waterboarding . . .

> This is graphic (PG) and explains the
>
> process of “Waterboarding” in light of “torture”. Everyone can
>
> understand this demonstration.
>
>
> Defenders say: There is no permanent damage done but the response
>
> is immediate. It is a much more humane and effective way to obtain critical intelligence quickly without brutalizing
>
> the prisoner. It sure beats electrocution, ripping off finger
>
> nails, acid showers, whippings/beatings, cutting off limbs, removing eyes
>
> & tongues, drilling out teeth, dislocatingshoulders, burning and
>
> other ways the Muslims use.
>
> Journalist Mike Guy underwent waterboarding
>
> by a trained member of the U.S. military in the site's
>
> new Lab Rat feature. Guy bet that
>
> he could endure 15 seconds of the interrogation technique
>
> used by the Bush administration on al Qaeda chief Khalid Sheikh Mohammed
>
> and Abu Zubaydah..
>
> Watch
>
> the results: http://content1.clipmarks.com/content/7E8ADC46-F3DD-4D6F-B184-3A07CF501B7C
>
>
>
>
>
>

Making a Baby . . .

Making a Baby....

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me.. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'


'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted