The Consumption of Alcohol . . .

American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that
the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of
alcohol containers:

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
*******

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when
you are not.
*****

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and
over again that you love them.
*****

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
*****

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
*****

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
*****

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
smarter, faster and better looking than most people
*****

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
WITH you.
*****

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
*****

WARNING:
The crumsumpten of alcahol may mack you tink you can tipe real gud.