Saturday, April 30, 2011
So Touching! Fallen USMC Staff Sgt. Jason Rogers returns home to Brandon MS. -
http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=KLGZ7LNX
Doesn't Get Much Better . . .
"How Great Thou Art" by Carrie Underwood with Vince Gill on Guitar
http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=KL6WYLNX
http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=KL6WYLNX
Friday, April 29, 2011
Definition of Conservatism by a 14 year-old. Brilliant!
This kid is going places for sure. This is one sharp 14 year old!
click on the link below. If it appears as a flashing in your lower blue bar, click it.
http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/jonathan-krohn-addresses-cpac/038235523563342c8386038235523563342c8386-1677925679937
http://www.wimp.com/thegovernment/
click on the link below. If it appears as a flashing in your lower blue bar, click it.
http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/jonathan-krohn-addresses-cpac/038235523563342c8386038235523563342c8386-1677925679937
http://www.wimp.com/thegovernment/
Royal Wedding Exclusive . . .
This had to happen before the wedding. We all know it doesn't happen after the ring goes on.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
ROAMING OLD MICHIGAN.
Here is an amazing video of Michigan. Take a look.
This is a great short movie of Michigan 60 years ago.
Sleeping Bear Dunes, Traverse City, and more!
Movie was made in 1949 -- pre-Mackinaw bridge and I-75 days....very interesting.
Enjoy!
Http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=QMR7veI78f8
This is a great short movie of Michigan 60 years ago.
Sleeping Bear Dunes, Traverse City, and more!
Movie was made in 1949 -- pre-Mackinaw bridge and I-75 days....very interesting.
Enjoy!
Http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=QMR7veI78f8
SR-71 "Blackbird" RC model plane. Amazing!
This is one absolutely amazing remote controlled [RC] model airplane. Not only did they build its jet engines, but included a retractable landing gear, and built it into a fully scaled model of the SR-71 "Blackbird" that flies just like the real McCoy.
This SR-71 model was built by an Engineer/RC enthusiast in Germany, and is certainly one awesome toy.
Watch and listen to it soar.
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=SDbQ5xvsrIU
This SR-71 model was built by an Engineer/RC enthusiast in Germany, and is certainly one awesome toy.
Watch and listen to it soar.
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=SDbQ5xvsrIU
I know! Let's test an airbag!
Rednecks are not only from the United States - it’s a state of mind it seems. While lounging about the local tire shop, these guys want to see what happens when an airbag deploys. Of course, alcohol was involved.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
The Human Planet
The friend who sent this warned me that it moves fast, and I might want to watch it more than once. She was right!
Hope you enjoy it.
This video takes you to people around the world and shows them in fantastic situations.
The photography is absolutely outstanding! It's very fast moving. Blink and you will miss something.
I enjoyed it so much that I watched a second time. Sit back, click below, and get ready to enjoy!
BBC Human Planet
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=2HiUMlOz4UQ&vq=large
(This is the promotional trailer for the TV series. I've watched a couple of episodes already, and they are incredible.)
Hope you enjoy it.
This video takes you to people around the world and shows them in fantastic situations.
The photography is absolutely outstanding! It's very fast moving. Blink and you will miss something.
I enjoyed it so much that I watched a second time. Sit back, click below, and get ready to enjoy!
BBC Human Planet
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=2HiUMlOz4UQ&vq=large
(This is the promotional trailer for the TV series. I've watched a couple of episodes already, and they are incredible.)
Childbirth at 65
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth... When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
'Not yet ,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed,
I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!'
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
'Not yet ,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed,
I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!'
The Class Reunion
Every five years, as summertime nears,
An announcement arrives in the mail,
A reunion is planned; it'll be really grand;
Make plans to attend without fail.
I'll never forget the first time we met;
We tried so hard to impress.
We drove fancy cars, smoked big cigars,
And wore our most elegant dress.
It was quite an affair; the whole class was there.
It was held at a fancy hotel.
We wined, and we dined, and we acted refined,
And everyone thought it was swell.
The men all conversed about who had been first
To achieve great fortune and fame.
Meanwhile, their spouses described their fine houses
And how beautiful their children became.
The homecoming queen, who once had been lean,
Now weighed in at one-ninety-six.
The jocks who were there had all lost their hair,
And the cheerleaders could no longer do kicks.
No one had heard about the class nerd
Who'd guided a spacecraft to the moon;
Or poor little Jane, who's always been plain;
She married a shipping tycoon.
The boy we'd decreed 'most apt to succeed'
Was serving ten years in the pen,
While the one voted 'least' now was a priest;
Just shows you can be wrong now and then.
They awarded a prize to one of the guys
Who seemed to have aged the least..
Another was given to the grad who had driven
The farthest to attend the feast.
They took a class picture, a curious mixture
Of beehives, crew cuts and wide ties.
Tall, short, or skinny, the style was the mini;
You never saw so many thighs.
At our next get-together, no one cared whether
They impressed their classmates or not.
The mood was informal, a whole lot more normal;
By this time we'd all gone to pot.
It was held out-of-doors, at the lake shores;
We ate hamburgers, coleslaw, and beans.
Then most of us lay around in the shade,
In our comfortable T-shirts and jeans.
By the fiftieth year, it was abundantly clear,
We were definitely over the hill.
Those who weren't dead had to crawl out of bed,
And be home in time for their pill.
And now I can't wait; they've set the date;
Our sixtieth is coming, I'm told.
It should be a ball, they've rented a hall
At the Shady Rest Home for the old.
Repairs have been made on my hearing aid;
My pacemaker's been turned up on high.
My wheelchair is oiled, and my teeth have been boiled;
And I've bought a new wig and glass eye.
I'm feeling quite hearty, and I'm ready to party
I'm gonna dance 'til dawn's early light.
It'll be lots of fun; But I just hope that there's one
Other person who can make it that night.
Author Unknown
An announcement arrives in the mail,
A reunion is planned; it'll be really grand;
Make plans to attend without fail.
I'll never forget the first time we met;
We tried so hard to impress.
We drove fancy cars, smoked big cigars,
And wore our most elegant dress.
It was quite an affair; the whole class was there.
It was held at a fancy hotel.
We wined, and we dined, and we acted refined,
And everyone thought it was swell.
The men all conversed about who had been first
To achieve great fortune and fame.
Meanwhile, their spouses described their fine houses
And how beautiful their children became.
The homecoming queen, who once had been lean,
Now weighed in at one-ninety-six.
The jocks who were there had all lost their hair,
And the cheerleaders could no longer do kicks.
No one had heard about the class nerd
Who'd guided a spacecraft to the moon;
Or poor little Jane, who's always been plain;
She married a shipping tycoon.
The boy we'd decreed 'most apt to succeed'
Was serving ten years in the pen,
While the one voted 'least' now was a priest;
Just shows you can be wrong now and then.
They awarded a prize to one of the guys
Who seemed to have aged the least..
Another was given to the grad who had driven
The farthest to attend the feast.
They took a class picture, a curious mixture
Of beehives, crew cuts and wide ties.
Tall, short, or skinny, the style was the mini;
You never saw so many thighs.
At our next get-together, no one cared whether
They impressed their classmates or not.
The mood was informal, a whole lot more normal;
By this time we'd all gone to pot.
It was held out-of-doors, at the lake shores;
We ate hamburgers, coleslaw, and beans.
Then most of us lay around in the shade,
In our comfortable T-shirts and jeans.
By the fiftieth year, it was abundantly clear,
We were definitely over the hill.
Those who weren't dead had to crawl out of bed,
And be home in time for their pill.
And now I can't wait; they've set the date;
Our sixtieth is coming, I'm told.
It should be a ball, they've rented a hall
At the Shady Rest Home for the old.
Repairs have been made on my hearing aid;
My pacemaker's been turned up on high.
My wheelchair is oiled, and my teeth have been boiled;
And I've bought a new wig and glass eye.
I'm feeling quite hearty, and I'm ready to party
I'm gonna dance 'til dawn's early light.
It'll be lots of fun; But I just hope that there's one
Other person who can make it that night.
Author Unknown
Monday, April 25, 2011
A Police Beating
This is video of a Las Vegas cop beating a man who was videotaping a scene, allegedly from his own property.
I don't like what I see.
There was no apparent provocation on the part of the guy who was videotaping the scene; the officer appears to have used unreasonable force and does not appear to have the legal right to demand the man stop filming. He does not have to be a journalist to film anything unless and until it interferes with an investigation in progress. Even then, the right of the cops to ban filming is questionable on constitutional grounds . . . particularly if it is a journalist who is working. Cops have their jobs, journalists have theirs.
I know we have law enforcement folks within this email list.
What's your take? Is this defensible from a police perspective?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoSHyIfQ2dg
Here's a more thorough review of the background on the case from the Las Vegas Review Journal:
http://www.lvrj.com/news/exclusive-police-beating-of-las-vegas-man-caught-on-tape-120509439.html?viewAllComments=y&c=y
I had a high school classmate, Willie Glasson, who died by electrocution when he was standing in a puddle of water while working on a plumbing job and some wires fell into the water. Willie had a younger brother, Fred Glasson, whom we kinda took under our wing for the rest of high school, following his brother's death. I think Fred was a Freshman or Sophomore when all this happened. Fred's mom would call our house if Fred wouldn't get out of bed to go to school . . . we were kind of her "extended family." We felt sorry for the family having lost Willie and tried to help out.
I noticed that Fred had a mean streak in him even while in high school. Verbal abuse of his girl friends, etc., The kind of kid who would pull the wings off of honey bees, and have a smile while doing it.
Of all things, Fred became an Omaha cop.
Fred became what is known as a 'rogue cop.' He was a mean sonofabitch and took great comfort in beating the hell out of anyone he could "under the color of authority." He also became a drunk. Just what this world needs, a mean rogue cop with a drinking problem.
One night, Fred, who lived alone in his apartment, except for his dog, went into a drunken stupor and flat out died. His body was not discovered for a week or more.
With no food in the house, the dog had begun to eat parts of Fred's body.
I always thought that was fitting and poetic justice for that mean bastard. I'm sorry I ever knew him or had anything to do with him. I also regret any kindness I or my mom and dad ever showed him. He didn't deserve it.
I didn't have a whole lot of respect for the Omaha Police Department. Complaint after complaint was filed about Fred and his beating of prisoners or suspects . . . and they did nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I'm wondering about this Las Vegas cop . . .if he might be another Fred Glasson.
In time, perhaps we shall see. The emphasis is on the word, "perhaps."
I don't like what I see.
There was no apparent provocation on the part of the guy who was videotaping the scene; the officer appears to have used unreasonable force and does not appear to have the legal right to demand the man stop filming. He does not have to be a journalist to film anything unless and until it interferes with an investigation in progress. Even then, the right of the cops to ban filming is questionable on constitutional grounds . . . particularly if it is a journalist who is working. Cops have their jobs, journalists have theirs.
I know we have law enforcement folks within this email list.
What's your take? Is this defensible from a police perspective?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoSHyIfQ2dg
Here's a more thorough review of the background on the case from the Las Vegas Review Journal:
http://www.lvrj.com/news/exclusive-police-beating-of-las-vegas-man-caught-on-tape-120509439.html?viewAllComments=y&c=y
I had a high school classmate, Willie Glasson, who died by electrocution when he was standing in a puddle of water while working on a plumbing job and some wires fell into the water. Willie had a younger brother, Fred Glasson, whom we kinda took under our wing for the rest of high school, following his brother's death. I think Fred was a Freshman or Sophomore when all this happened. Fred's mom would call our house if Fred wouldn't get out of bed to go to school . . . we were kind of her "extended family." We felt sorry for the family having lost Willie and tried to help out.
I noticed that Fred had a mean streak in him even while in high school. Verbal abuse of his girl friends, etc., The kind of kid who would pull the wings off of honey bees, and have a smile while doing it.
Of all things, Fred became an Omaha cop.
Fred became what is known as a 'rogue cop.' He was a mean sonofabitch and took great comfort in beating the hell out of anyone he could "under the color of authority." He also became a drunk. Just what this world needs, a mean rogue cop with a drinking problem.
One night, Fred, who lived alone in his apartment, except for his dog, went into a drunken stupor and flat out died. His body was not discovered for a week or more.
With no food in the house, the dog had begun to eat parts of Fred's body.
I always thought that was fitting and poetic justice for that mean bastard. I'm sorry I ever knew him or had anything to do with him. I also regret any kindness I or my mom and dad ever showed him. He didn't deserve it.
I didn't have a whole lot of respect for the Omaha Police Department. Complaint after complaint was filed about Fred and his beating of prisoners or suspects . . . and they did nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I'm wondering about this Las Vegas cop . . .if he might be another Fred Glasson.
In time, perhaps we shall see. The emphasis is on the word, "perhaps."
Now that's Bartending!
Nice bar, even IF you do not drink, this is worth seeing..
http://file.qip.ru/embed/111226964/dfc05946
http://file.qip.ru/embed/111226964/dfc05946
Aircraft Carrier Launch
USS John C Stennis launching aircraft - FANTASTIC
The amazing thing about this is most deck personnel are 19-20 years old. Great for grandkids if you have any interest in flying.
This is a must watch. It's what carrier aviation is all about. This video is from USS Stennis and extremely well done. Enjoy!
http://www.tailsp.in/aircraft-carrier-uss-john-c-stennis-launching-aircraft
The amazing thing about this is most deck personnel are 19-20 years old. Great for grandkids if you have any interest in flying.
This is a must watch. It's what carrier aviation is all about. This video is from USS Stennis and extremely well done. Enjoy!
http://www.tailsp.in/aircraft-carrier-uss-john-c-stennis-launching-aircraft
B17 and B25 over Arizona
For those of you "mature" enough to remember WW Two.
B-17 and B-25 Over Arizona
Make sure you go full screen. Click on the icon to the right of the HD
logo.
B17 and B25 WWII Bombers over and around Arizona's Superstition Mountains
and Saguaro Lake. The photography is HD, the planes are gorgeous, and, most
notably, it is shot as the B17 takes off from Falcon Field in Mesa, AZ and
then flies over the Superstition Mountains. to the east of Apache Junction
and then on to Roosevelt & Canyon lakes on the east edge of the Phoenix
valley.
http://vimeo.com/18135369
B-17 and B-25 Over Arizona
Make sure you go full screen. Click on the icon to the right of the HD
logo.
B17 and B25 WWII Bombers over and around Arizona's Superstition Mountains
and Saguaro Lake. The photography is HD, the planes are gorgeous, and, most
notably, it is shot as the B17 takes off from Falcon Field in Mesa, AZ and
then flies over the Superstition Mountains. to the east of Apache Junction
and then on to Roosevelt & Canyon lakes on the east edge of the Phoenix
valley.
http://vimeo.com/18135369
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Soooooo Good!
Turn up the speakers. Hope you had a jivin' Easter!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_8zXyaTBJY&feature=player_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_8zXyaTBJY&feature=player_embedded
Loop the Loop - Fifth Gear
Loop the Loop - "Fifth Gear"
http://www.flixxy.com/loop-the-loop-fifth-gear.htm
http://www.flixxy.com/loop-the-loop-fifth-gear.htm
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Just sitting in a park . . .
THREE OLD GIRLS
Tillie - Maude - Gertrude
These three old ladies and their dogs were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Tillie, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
Tillie - Maude - Gertrude
These three old ladies and their dogs were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Tillie, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
Mark Evanier writes a blog (newsfromme.com) that I follow daily. One often finds absolutely brilliantly written posts by him . . . this is just one example, complete with accompanying video footage that confirms his observations.
I recently wrote about Farmers Market, a fixture of Los Angeles since 1934 and a part of my life as long as I can remember. It's a nice aggregation of merchants, a few of whom still sell fresh produce. In '34, most of them did and a few sold hot food. Over the years, the ratio reversed and you also got gift shops, souvenir shops, a toy store, a couple of jewelers, etc. The main attraction is that you go there, you get something to eat at one of the stalls and then you sit outdoors at a table and eat with your friends...or you can just watch all the interesting people pass by.
For those of you who don't know the Market: I'd recommend the chicken teriyaki at China Depot (yeah, I know Teriyaki is Japanese), the barbecue sandwiches at Bryan's Barbecue, the open face turkey sandwich and the corned beef sandwich at Magee's, anything fried at Tusquella's Seafood, the spaghetti at Patsy's Pizza, the donuts at Bob's and almost everything at the Pampas Grill but especially the chicken stroganoff. A lot of folks think The Gumbo Pot has the best cajun food in Los Angeles and that Loteria has superb Mexican chow but I don't know from those cuisines.
My parents probably took me there when I was an infant and my actual memories of the place begin around age 5 or 6. There was a pet store there that had a talking parrot and later a mynah bird on display outside its door. You would not believe how many tourists clustered around the current bird, whichever it was at the time, waiting for it to say something. Greatest crowd-attracter you've ever seen.
I also used to see celebrities there all the time, starting around age eight with Chuck Connors. I mean I was eight, not Chuck. I told him I always watched him on The Rifleman and he told me to go away because he was busy.
I have hundreds of stories about Farmers Market, above and beyond my infamous near-encounter with Mel Tormé. For a couple of years there, an actor named Chuck Mitchell was a fixture at the tables where folks sit and eat and lounge. Mr. Mitchell was famous for playing Porky in the Porky's movies. He actually had a pretty long, active career, usually playing rednecks and mobsters but no one knew him from those gigs. They knew him as Porky and for a few years there, he was always at the Market, signing autographs as Chuck "Porky" Mitchell and posing for photos and loving every minute of his late-arriving celebrity.
It seemed to me he got there early in the morning so he could grab a certain table where tourists were most likely to pass. At least, he was usually at that table, chatting with actor pals, making like it was an unexpected but tolerated inconvenience when some tourist approached to ask for an autograph and/or pic. Once in a while, he'd just "happen" to have a spare eight-by-ten glossy he would let them have because they seemed like real fans.
When I dined at the Market, I'd sometimes sit where I could watch him in action. He was great at making those who approached feel welcome, telling them little anecdotes about the business and giving them the chance to go back to Idaho and say they'd met someone from the movies. I recall parents shoving their children into place for a snapshot with "Porky" and it never seemed to matter to anyone that he was famous for playing a nasty whorehouse owner in a film the kids were too young to see. He was a star...and as far as I was concerned, a much bigger one than Chuck "I'm busy" Connors.
One time, I was at the barbecue stand waiting for a sandwich and I heard Mr. Mitchell, as he picked up his lunch, remind the counterguy of where he was sitting and that it was okay to tell tourists who he was and to send them his way. I got the feeling he'd told this to the lady at the donut stand, the man at the ice cream counter, the folks at the sushi place, etc. — and I didn't see anything wrong or unbecoming about it. It made him happy. It made visitors happy. If I'd been a manager at Farmers Market, I'd have paid him to sit there all day, drink Bob's Coffee and pass out signed pictures. When he passed away in 1992, his usual table was vacant for a while. Someone put a funeral bouquet on it and an eight-by-ten of Chuck as Porky and it all seemed very warm and appropriate.
Things like that happen at Farmers Market. Here's a little video that the operators of the place put up on YouTube. It's mostly recent footage but they intercut some scenes of the Market in, I'm guessing, the late fifties. It hasn't changed all that much, which is nice because most everything else has. You'll get some sense of what the place is like...though they somehow missed including any footage of the place that makes the great Hot Turkey Sandwiches. They're probably saving that for a Special Edition.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6qxM_DvKDI&feature=player_embedded
I recently wrote about Farmers Market, a fixture of Los Angeles since 1934 and a part of my life as long as I can remember. It's a nice aggregation of merchants, a few of whom still sell fresh produce. In '34, most of them did and a few sold hot food. Over the years, the ratio reversed and you also got gift shops, souvenir shops, a toy store, a couple of jewelers, etc. The main attraction is that you go there, you get something to eat at one of the stalls and then you sit outdoors at a table and eat with your friends...or you can just watch all the interesting people pass by.
For those of you who don't know the Market: I'd recommend the chicken teriyaki at China Depot (yeah, I know Teriyaki is Japanese), the barbecue sandwiches at Bryan's Barbecue, the open face turkey sandwich and the corned beef sandwich at Magee's, anything fried at Tusquella's Seafood, the spaghetti at Patsy's Pizza, the donuts at Bob's and almost everything at the Pampas Grill but especially the chicken stroganoff. A lot of folks think The Gumbo Pot has the best cajun food in Los Angeles and that Loteria has superb Mexican chow but I don't know from those cuisines.
My parents probably took me there when I was an infant and my actual memories of the place begin around age 5 or 6. There was a pet store there that had a talking parrot and later a mynah bird on display outside its door. You would not believe how many tourists clustered around the current bird, whichever it was at the time, waiting for it to say something. Greatest crowd-attracter you've ever seen.
I also used to see celebrities there all the time, starting around age eight with Chuck Connors. I mean I was eight, not Chuck. I told him I always watched him on The Rifleman and he told me to go away because he was busy.
I have hundreds of stories about Farmers Market, above and beyond my infamous near-encounter with Mel Tormé. For a couple of years there, an actor named Chuck Mitchell was a fixture at the tables where folks sit and eat and lounge. Mr. Mitchell was famous for playing Porky in the Porky's movies. He actually had a pretty long, active career, usually playing rednecks and mobsters but no one knew him from those gigs. They knew him as Porky and for a few years there, he was always at the Market, signing autographs as Chuck "Porky" Mitchell and posing for photos and loving every minute of his late-arriving celebrity.
It seemed to me he got there early in the morning so he could grab a certain table where tourists were most likely to pass. At least, he was usually at that table, chatting with actor pals, making like it was an unexpected but tolerated inconvenience when some tourist approached to ask for an autograph and/or pic. Once in a while, he'd just "happen" to have a spare eight-by-ten glossy he would let them have because they seemed like real fans.
When I dined at the Market, I'd sometimes sit where I could watch him in action. He was great at making those who approached feel welcome, telling them little anecdotes about the business and giving them the chance to go back to Idaho and say they'd met someone from the movies. I recall parents shoving their children into place for a snapshot with "Porky" and it never seemed to matter to anyone that he was famous for playing a nasty whorehouse owner in a film the kids were too young to see. He was a star...and as far as I was concerned, a much bigger one than Chuck "I'm busy" Connors.
One time, I was at the barbecue stand waiting for a sandwich and I heard Mr. Mitchell, as he picked up his lunch, remind the counterguy of where he was sitting and that it was okay to tell tourists who he was and to send them his way. I got the feeling he'd told this to the lady at the donut stand, the man at the ice cream counter, the folks at the sushi place, etc. — and I didn't see anything wrong or unbecoming about it. It made him happy. It made visitors happy. If I'd been a manager at Farmers Market, I'd have paid him to sit there all day, drink Bob's Coffee and pass out signed pictures. When he passed away in 1992, his usual table was vacant for a while. Someone put a funeral bouquet on it and an eight-by-ten of Chuck as Porky and it all seemed very warm and appropriate.
Things like that happen at Farmers Market. Here's a little video that the operators of the place put up on YouTube. It's mostly recent footage but they intercut some scenes of the Market in, I'm guessing, the late fifties. It hasn't changed all that much, which is nice because most everything else has. You'll get some sense of what the place is like...though they somehow missed including any footage of the place that makes the great Hot Turkey Sandwiches. They're probably saving that for a Special Edition.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6qxM_DvKDI&feature=player_embedded
Great Religious Truths
During these serious and trying times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Christ as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Mormons do not recognize each other at Mesquite, Las Vegas, Hooters
or the Liquor Store.
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Christ as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Mormons do not recognize each other at Mesquite, Las Vegas, Hooters
or the Liquor Store.
Sing like no one is listening . . .
Turn on your speakers.
http://jrsippey.typepad.com/youtube-of-the-day/2011/03/may-you-sing-like-no-one-is-listening.html
http://jrsippey.typepad.com/youtube-of-the-day/2011/03/may-you-sing-like-no-one-is-listening.html
Mighty Bubbles
If this doesn't make you break-out in a smile...better check your
pulse.... Love it!
Copy and paste to your address bar or click on the link below:
http://youtu.be/gnagemulucw
pulse.... Love it!
Copy and paste to your address bar or click on the link below:
http://youtu.be/gnagemulucw
Great Religious Truths
During these serious and trying times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Christ as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Mormons do not recognize each other at Mesquite, Las Vegas, Hooters
or the Liquor Store.
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Christ as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Mormons do not recognize each other at Mesquite, Las Vegas, Hooters
or the Liquor Store.
The Coat Hanger
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car.
She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and saw an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this." She bowed her head and asked God to send her help.
Within five minutes a beat up old motor cycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought, "Is this what you sent to help me God?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.
The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said,
"Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!"
She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and saw an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this." She bowed her head and asked God to send her help.
Within five minutes a beat up old motor cycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought, "Is this what you sent to help me God?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.
The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said,
"Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!"
Arizona
Illegal immigrants are boycotting Arizona by the thousands, showing their outrage with Arizona 's controversial new SB-1070 law by moving elsewhere.
In the small town of Guadalupe, AZ , south of Phoenix , Manuel Renaldo is one of those who is punishing Arizona by leaving. As he loaded his stolen car with his belongings and family of ten, Renaldo told this reporter through an interpreter "It's a matter of principle. I refuse to be supported by a state that treats me like a criminal."
The effects of the exodus are being felt by Arizona retailers who are reporting dwindling sales of beer, spray paint, and ammunition. Also hit hard are the state's hospitals, which have reported a dramatic decline in births and emergency room visits. Tattoo parlors are in a state of panic.
Renaldo told a reporter through an interpreter "He and his family are moving to California , which is a state that will support him and his family with dignity."
Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
In the small town of Guadalupe, AZ , south of Phoenix , Manuel Renaldo is one of those who is punishing Arizona by leaving. As he loaded his stolen car with his belongings and family of ten, Renaldo told this reporter through an interpreter "It's a matter of principle. I refuse to be supported by a state that treats me like a criminal."
The effects of the exodus are being felt by Arizona retailers who are reporting dwindling sales of beer, spray paint, and ammunition. Also hit hard are the state's hospitals, which have reported a dramatic decline in births and emergency room visits. Tattoo parlors are in a state of panic.
Renaldo told a reporter through an interpreter "He and his family are moving to California , which is a state that will support him and his family with dignity."
Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
Just for fun . . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fx79n2Ey0lk&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwsVi9ULwLI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwsVi9ULwLI
Medical Symptoms
Then and Now . . .
Then & Now
Remember the time when we were younger?
Life seemed so simple then!
Symptoms and Prognosis:
1. Skippy heartbeat when you think of him / her.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Ventricular fibrillationand Myocardial Infarction.
2. Restless trembling of hands, feet and other body parts.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Parkinson's Disease
3. Constant smiling.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Bell's Palsy
4. Absent mindedness, inability to focus on tasks at work or at home.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Early Onset of Alzheimer's Disease
5. Weakening of knees and bursts of energy when she calls or comes over.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Multiple Sclerosis
6. Inability to stop thinking about her.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
7. Bruising on neck, and other tender areas.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Leukemia
8. Insomnia.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia
9. Feeling that you can smell / hear / feel her when not in her presence.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Schizophrenia
Then & Now
Remember the time when we were younger?
Life seemed so simple then!
Symptoms and Prognosis:
1. Skippy heartbeat when you think of him / her.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Ventricular fibrillationand Myocardial Infarction.
2. Restless trembling of hands, feet and other body parts.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Parkinson's Disease
3. Constant smiling.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Bell's Palsy
4. Absent mindedness, inability to focus on tasks at work or at home.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Early Onset of Alzheimer's Disease
5. Weakening of knees and bursts of energy when she calls or comes over.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Multiple Sclerosis
6. Inability to stop thinking about her.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
7. Bruising on neck, and other tender areas.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Leukemia
8. Insomnia.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia
9. Feeling that you can smell / hear / feel her when not in her presence.
Symptoms then: Love
Prognosis now: Schizophrenia
Charley Reese's Final Column . . .
A very interesting column.. COMPLETELY NEUTRAL
Be sure to Read the Poem at the end.
Charley Reese's final column for the Orlando Sentinel...
He has been a journalist for 49 years.
Be sure to read the Tax List at the end.
This is about as clear and easy to understand as it can be. The article below is completely neutral, neither anti-republican or democrat.
Charlie Reese, a retired reporter for the Orlando Sentinel, has hit the nail directly on the head, defining clearly who it is that in the final analysis
must assume responsibility for the judgments made that impact each one of us every day. It's a short but good read. Worth the time.
Worth remembering!
***************************************************************************************************************
545 vs. 300,000,000 People
-By Charlie Reese
Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.
Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?
Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?
You and I don't propose a federal budget. The President does.
You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.
You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.
You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.
One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one President, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.
I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.
I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a President to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.
Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.
What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The President can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.
The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? John Boehner. He is the leader of the majority party. He and fellow House members, not the President, can approve any budget they want. If the President vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.
It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million cannot replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.
If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.
If the Army & Marines are in Iraq and Afghanistan it's because they want them in Iraq and Afghanistan ...
If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.
There are no insoluble government problems.
Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.
Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.
They, and they alone, have the power.
They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.
Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees...
We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************
(Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.)
What you do with this article now that you have read it... is up to you.
This might be funny if it weren't so true.
Be sure to read all the way to the end:
Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table,
At which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.
Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for
peanuts anyway!
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.
Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid...
Put these words
Upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me
to my doom...'
When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Sales Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What in the heck happened? Can you spell 'politicians?'
Be sure to Read the Poem at the end.
Charley Reese's final column for the Orlando Sentinel...
He has been a journalist for 49 years.
Be sure to read the Tax List at the end.
This is about as clear and easy to understand as it can be. The article below is completely neutral, neither anti-republican or democrat.
Charlie Reese, a retired reporter for the Orlando Sentinel, has hit the nail directly on the head, defining clearly who it is that in the final analysis
must assume responsibility for the judgments made that impact each one of us every day. It's a short but good read. Worth the time.
Worth remembering!
***************************************************************************************************************
545 vs. 300,000,000 People
-By Charlie Reese
Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.
Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?
Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?
You and I don't propose a federal budget. The President does.
You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.
You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.
You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.
One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one President, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.
I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.
I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a President to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.
Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.
What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The President can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.
The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? John Boehner. He is the leader of the majority party. He and fellow House members, not the President, can approve any budget they want. If the President vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.
It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million cannot replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.
If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.
If the Army & Marines are in Iraq and Afghanistan it's because they want them in Iraq and Afghanistan ...
If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.
There are no insoluble government problems.
Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.
Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.
They, and they alone, have the power.
They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.
Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees...
We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************
(Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.)
What you do with this article now that you have read it... is up to you.
This might be funny if it weren't so true.
Be sure to read all the way to the end:
Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table,
At which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.
Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for
peanuts anyway!
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.
Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid...
Put these words
Upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me
to my doom...'
When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Sales Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What in the heck happened? Can you spell 'politicians?'
The Jewish Genie
An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that his camel died of thirst.
He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath, when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered that he had a Manischewitz wine bottle.
It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top, and out popped a genie. BUT this was no ordinary genie. This genie appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, and tzitzis.
'Vell kid,' said the genie, 'you know how it voiks. You got three vishes.''
'I'm not going to trust you,' says the Arab. 'I'm not going to trust a Jewish genie!'
'Vott'ya you got to lose? Looks ta me - you're a gonner anyvay!'
The Arab thought about this for a minute, and decided that the genie was right. 'Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis, with plentiful food and drink.'
* * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *
The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
'Okee-dokee kiddo, vat's your second vish?'
'My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.'
* * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *
The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems.
'Okay kid, you got just vone more vish. Better you should make it a good vone!'
After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says, 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will always need and want me!'
* * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *
He was turned into a tampon..
THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
If you're an Arab doing business with a Jewish genie, there's going to be a string attached.
He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath, when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered that he had a Manischewitz wine bottle.
It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top, and out popped a genie. BUT this was no ordinary genie. This genie appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, and tzitzis.
'Vell kid,' said the genie, 'you know how it voiks. You got three vishes.''
'I'm not going to trust you,' says the Arab. 'I'm not going to trust a Jewish genie!'
'Vott'ya you got to lose? Looks ta me - you're a gonner anyvay!'
The Arab thought about this for a minute, and decided that the genie was right. 'Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis, with plentiful food and drink.'
* * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *
The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
'Okee-dokee kiddo, vat's your second vish?'
'My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.'
* * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *
The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems.
'Okay kid, you got just vone more vish. Better you should make it a good vone!'
After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says, 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will always need and want me!'
* * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *
He was turned into a tampon..
THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
If you're an Arab doing business with a Jewish genie, there's going to be a string attached.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Do you know your cars?
Let's see how good you OLD guy's are at picking out these 1950's cars!
Click on the link below.
1950's Auto Test http://www.americantorque.com/game2/8/0/
Click on the link below.
1950's Auto Test http://www.americantorque.com/game2/8/0/
Thursday, April 21, 2011
For all the gardeners . . .
Thought all you gardeners would get a kick out of this!
Gardeners will enjoy this conversation between God and St.Francis..............
GOD:
Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the
long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.
St. FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers ' weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD:
Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green.
They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow.
And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS:
Yes, Sir.
GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can
continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD:
Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE:
'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....
GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
Gardeners will enjoy this conversation between God and St.Francis..............
GOD:
Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the
long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.
St. FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers ' weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD:
Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green.
They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow.
And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS:
Yes, Sir.
GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can
continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD:
Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE:
'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....
GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
The Paper's Man About Town
Man About Town
It’s kinda fun watching young folks grow up into responsible, hard working, dedicated and talented adults. I remember a young gal, barely out of her teens, who used to run Paulette’s Playhouse, a computer bulletin board system, back in the early days of computers. I’ve stood on the sidelines and watched her grow as she took one computer job after another, mastered it, and grew into a major computer talent.
Besides repping a national company, Paulette Donnellon is also active in her community of Escondido, having served on the Escondido Education Foundation for almost two years. Last summer, she was named Vice President. She visits the schools and shares with teachers about upcoming events, or she presents at student assemblies and encourages them to attend the Escondido Youth Media Festival. She also has jumped in with both feet to the “Back to School Brunch.” When I was ‘recruited’ to become a member of the board, I stuck around for a planning meeting for the ‘Back to School Brunch’ and I haven’t stopped since then. Planning ‘Are you smarter than a 5th grader’ as the featured activity during the brunch is great fun. Watching the 5th graders answer questions that our local ‘superstars’ cannot, is SO entertaining.
”Paulette
Paulette Donnelon
”Cherry
Cherry cupcakes a’la Paulette
Another passion of mine is baking. My favorite thing to bake is Cupcakes. Anytime there is a birthday party or special event, I will bake. I even flew to Arizona to bake for a friend’s birthday party. I have also made cupcakes for an Escondido Education Foundation event. I love that folks think I own a bakery.”
Paulette is married to John Donellon, former Escondido police officer and currently owner of his own sign business.
Paulette and John love the desert and if not baking in her kitchen, demonstrating computer systems, or attending an EEF meeting, you can usually find her on The Riviera, at the Salton Sea, where they have another home.
I’d say that little kid I met so long ago grew up and has done pretty well for herself.
•••••
Kudos to the Carlsbad Police Department. I am more and more impressed with them each day. Their investigative work nabs suspects shortly after major crimes have been committed. That is great police work!
Recently, for example, there was a fatal stabbing. In a matter of days the Carlsbad Police Department had identified three suspects and arrested them; several days later they identified three additional suspects and arrested them as well. In the course of the arrests they were able to recover evidence that appears to tie the suspects to the scene of the murder as well as other crimes.
Don’t be too surprised if we wind up spending a few days with the Carlsbad Police Department, gathering information and producing a full scale cover story on them and their work.
•••••
Bouquets are also due the Escondido Police Department, headed up by our good friend, Chief Jim Maher.
Lieutenants Craig Carter, Chris Wynn, and Tom Albergo, have all done a super job of keeping us informed here at The Paper as to what is happening in the city of Escondido. Robberies, Burglaries, Assaults, Murders, Sobriety and Drivers License Check Points, whatever the police action is . . . we learn about it quickly via very well written press releases. We, in turn, act as your eyes and ears and get this information to you via our Local News Section.
Knowing we have our dedicated police officers out on the street, protecting our home and hearth, and ensuring our communities are safe . . . is a very comforting situation.
I would like to see more input from both the Oceanside Police Department as well as the San Diego County Sheriff’s Department, which serves both Vista and San Marcos.
We’ll be happy to let the folks in your community know of the jobs you are doing, folks, but you need to have your public relations department send us good, up to date information. That’s our job . . . getting the information to our readers about your job and how well you are doing it.
A word to the wise and all that ------
Spring is officially here . . . but I don’t need an official declaration. Spring has been here for quite some time . . . a fact I can readily discern every morning when I take Trixie for her morning walk. All you have to do is listen to the birds singing in the trees, calling for mates, with the breeding season upon us those songs are marvelous to hear; you also have but to breath in the fresh, sweet smelling warm air to know that spring has arrived.
In spite of all our national and local economic woes, I look for 2011 to be a wonderful year. This sense of wonderment and anticipation is nourished every morning during our daily walks.
Rejoice, folks, life is good and it will get even better.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Sheriff Joe Does it Again! Let's the Public Rate Mug Shots!
Good for him!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1378608/Americas-toughest-Sheriff-Joe-Arpaio-lets-public-rate-mugshots-online.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1378608/Americas-toughest-Sheriff-Joe-Arpaio-lets-public-rate-mugshots-online.html
This is what it's really like . . .
Keep your attention on the large military truck leading a convoy as it comes down a hill.
YOu'll see an IED explosion that is real . . . not the wimpy explosions the tv and movies shows. This is what our troops are faced with. (I doubt anyone in the truck survived this blast).
YOu'll see an IED explosion that is real . . . not the wimpy explosions the tv and movies shows. This is what our troops are faced with. (I doubt anyone in the truck survived this blast).
Monday, April 18, 2011
Transylvania
Heard or read it dozens of times. Still, always makes me laugh out loud:
Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are travelling through Europe in their car.
They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on.
That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer.
I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican ," says Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer.
Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.
She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off the windshield!
Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are travelling through Europe in their car.
They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on.
That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer.
I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican ," says Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer.
Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.
She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off the windshield!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
National Geographic Pictures
National Geographic contest pictures
Here are some more fantastic photos from a National Geographic contest.
These contain explanations which make them even more impressive and enjoyable to see.
Enjoy!
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/11/national_geographics_photograp.html
Here are some more fantastic photos from a National Geographic contest.
These contain explanations which make them even more impressive and enjoyable to see.
Enjoy!
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/11/national_geographics_photograp.html
Friday, April 15, 2011
Early Civil War 1900's Reunion on film . .
I believe I sent this out a month or two ago, but it showed up in my inbox again. It is worth looking at a second time.
A priceless piece of history – a Civil War veteran reunion on some very old film that is a view into the hearts and minds of the men that actually fought these battles.
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=MIJaxu3w4-U
A priceless piece of history – a Civil War veteran reunion on some very old film that is a view into the hearts and minds of the men that actually fought these battles.
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=MIJaxu3w4-U
Thursday, April 14, 2011
My Kind of Teacher !
My Kind of Teacher
A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a
new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he
injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the
first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in
the school.
The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest.
Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.
SEMPER FI!
A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a
new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he
injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the
first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in
the school.
The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest.
Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.
SEMPER FI!
B29 Crew from WWII rescued . . .
http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid34762914001?bctid=672454611001
Amazing Hug
Read before viewing the video
The woman in the video had found in the wood an injured lion.
She took him with her and took care until he recovered his health.
When the lion felt better, she made arrangements for a new home at a zoo.
This video was taken sometimes after when the woman went to the zoo to check on the health on the lion.
Take a look at the reaction of the lion.
The woman in the video had found in the wood an injured lion.
She took him with her and took care until he recovered his health.
When the lion felt better, she made arrangements for a new home at a zoo.
This video was taken sometimes after when the woman went to the zoo to check on the health on the lion.
Take a look at the reaction of the lion.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
To Sell the Truth
Mark Evanier has an interesting blog (newsfromme.com) that often gives an inside look at show business and the entertainment world in general. Here is just one example:
I became a professional writer in 1969 and for the first year or so, I wrote a wide array of magazine pieces, press releases and the occasional comic book. After a while, the comic books became less occasional and I ditched most of the other stuff, not because it wasn't lucrative or challenging but because it involved a lot of "selling" and meeting with editors and going in to meetings. One of the many things I liked about writing comics was that the time I spent on it was like 90% writing and 10% "other." When I wrote for teen magazines and P.R. firms, it was more like 25% writing, 75% "other." Another was that the comic book writing was more honest work.
When I wrote for teen magazines, I ghosted an advice column for a performer who was then all the rage with 14-year-old girls. He agreed to let the magazine slap his name on this column as long as he didn't have to write it or read it or (especially) be embarrassed by anything in it. So we kept it pretty tame. What little mail was actually submitted by readers was either gushy I-love-you fan stuff or letters that said, "I'm 15 and my boy friend insists I prove my love for him." I ran neither. I made up questions and answers about boy-girl relationships...and at the time, I was 17 and had barely had any. So I was probably about as qualified to write the column as any of my readers except for the fact that I could spell.
The publishing firm also published straight gossip magazines for (one supposes) an older audience. One day, the lady who edited the teen magazines told me that the lady who edited the gossip magazines wanted me to write for her, too. I went over to her office and she said she'd like me to handle her next cover story, which was to be about the secret love nest of Elizabeth Taylor and Burt Reynolds. The cover, in fact, had already been designed and sent off to press. I said, "I wasn't aware Elizabeth Taylor and Burt Reynolds were involved, let alone had a secret love nest." The editor looked at me with an expression that seemed to say: "Don't you know how this game is played?"
Within minutes, it was explained to me. The actual existence of any such love nest was irrelevant. The point was that it was a good cover blurb.
She had, in fact, a whole list on her desk of stars who were then "hot" and there was another list of phrases that were deemed commercial. Some claimed X was sleeping with Y. Others said X was breaking up with Y. There were also three-ways — X is leaving Y for Z — and even some four-ways, all of which seemed to involve Sammy Davis Jr. for some reason. An especially popular one was was, "The secret blackmail photos that _____ doesn't want the world to see." The idea was that you'd then take a name from one of the other lists, plug it in and write about (but of course, not show you) the secret blackmail photos that Frank Sinatra didn't want the world to see or the secret blackmail photos that Juliet Prowse didn't want the world to see. You might even insert an adjective like "desperate" or "forbidden." She had a whole page of those words, too. So she'd just scanned the lists, played this oily version of Mad-Libs and come up with Burt's and Liz's love nest. Burt had previously in this magazine had a secret love nest with Joey Heatherton and since that issue had sold well, it was time to give him one with Liz.
My mission, should I decide to accept, was to write an article that would go with the Liz-Burt cover line which, like I said, was already off to the printer. Accuracy, of course, did not matter...and oddly enough, neither did salaciousness. I could write that the secret love nest was a certain hotel suite in Santa Barbara in which both Liz and Burt had stayed at separate times with their then-current mates engaging in naught but monogamy. I could also write that Liz and Burt had checked into a Motel 6 somewhere, paid the six bucks that it then cost to stay in a Motel 6, and had sex in six different positions, six times a day for six weeks. The editor really didn't care which.
I was baffled. I baffled easily at that age. I told the lady I'd feel baited, switched and cheated if I plunked down my coinage for a magazine that suggested Liz Taylor and Burt Reynolds were going at it hot and heavy and instead got a piece about how they'd rented the same hotel room at different times. She said, "So would I but our readers don't."
Feeling myself about to decline a paying assignment for what I think was the first time in my life, I said, "I'd also feel cheated if you did write about Liz and Burt having an affair and there was never any evidence of it in reality." She said, "So would I but our readers don't." She noted that for six years, which was about as long as the magazine had been around, they'd been running a minimum of three cover stories a year about how Liz and Richard Burton would be announcing their divorce any day now. That hadn't happened either but it hadn't harmed their circulation, nor was there any indicator it had impaired the magazine's credibility. (As it turned out, Liz and Dick did divorce a few years later.)
The editor finally grew weary of my naïve questions and asked, "Do you want the assignment or not?" I opted for "not." It crossed some boundary of honesty in my brain, plus it meant working in an area that I obviously did not understand at all.
Oh, I understood the part about wanting to grab newsstand patrons with a hot, scandalous promise on the cover. Even if I couldn't lower myself to do it, I certainly grasped why a magazine would want to do that. What I couldn't comprehend was why, if the magazine didn't deliver what was promised and/or didn't deliver facts that stood even the briefest test of time, people still bought it. I still don't understand that...
...though I do ponder the question every time I watch Fox News.
I became a professional writer in 1969 and for the first year or so, I wrote a wide array of magazine pieces, press releases and the occasional comic book. After a while, the comic books became less occasional and I ditched most of the other stuff, not because it wasn't lucrative or challenging but because it involved a lot of "selling" and meeting with editors and going in to meetings. One of the many things I liked about writing comics was that the time I spent on it was like 90% writing and 10% "other." When I wrote for teen magazines and P.R. firms, it was more like 25% writing, 75% "other." Another was that the comic book writing was more honest work.
When I wrote for teen magazines, I ghosted an advice column for a performer who was then all the rage with 14-year-old girls. He agreed to let the magazine slap his name on this column as long as he didn't have to write it or read it or (especially) be embarrassed by anything in it. So we kept it pretty tame. What little mail was actually submitted by readers was either gushy I-love-you fan stuff or letters that said, "I'm 15 and my boy friend insists I prove my love for him." I ran neither. I made up questions and answers about boy-girl relationships...and at the time, I was 17 and had barely had any. So I was probably about as qualified to write the column as any of my readers except for the fact that I could spell.
The publishing firm also published straight gossip magazines for (one supposes) an older audience. One day, the lady who edited the teen magazines told me that the lady who edited the gossip magazines wanted me to write for her, too. I went over to her office and she said she'd like me to handle her next cover story, which was to be about the secret love nest of Elizabeth Taylor and Burt Reynolds. The cover, in fact, had already been designed and sent off to press. I said, "I wasn't aware Elizabeth Taylor and Burt Reynolds were involved, let alone had a secret love nest." The editor looked at me with an expression that seemed to say: "Don't you know how this game is played?"
Within minutes, it was explained to me. The actual existence of any such love nest was irrelevant. The point was that it was a good cover blurb.
She had, in fact, a whole list on her desk of stars who were then "hot" and there was another list of phrases that were deemed commercial. Some claimed X was sleeping with Y. Others said X was breaking up with Y. There were also three-ways — X is leaving Y for Z — and even some four-ways, all of which seemed to involve Sammy Davis Jr. for some reason. An especially popular one was was, "The secret blackmail photos that _____ doesn't want the world to see." The idea was that you'd then take a name from one of the other lists, plug it in and write about (but of course, not show you) the secret blackmail photos that Frank Sinatra didn't want the world to see or the secret blackmail photos that Juliet Prowse didn't want the world to see. You might even insert an adjective like "desperate" or "forbidden." She had a whole page of those words, too. So she'd just scanned the lists, played this oily version of Mad-Libs and come up with Burt's and Liz's love nest. Burt had previously in this magazine had a secret love nest with Joey Heatherton and since that issue had sold well, it was time to give him one with Liz.
My mission, should I decide to accept, was to write an article that would go with the Liz-Burt cover line which, like I said, was already off to the printer. Accuracy, of course, did not matter...and oddly enough, neither did salaciousness. I could write that the secret love nest was a certain hotel suite in Santa Barbara in which both Liz and Burt had stayed at separate times with their then-current mates engaging in naught but monogamy. I could also write that Liz and Burt had checked into a Motel 6 somewhere, paid the six bucks that it then cost to stay in a Motel 6, and had sex in six different positions, six times a day for six weeks. The editor really didn't care which.
I was baffled. I baffled easily at that age. I told the lady I'd feel baited, switched and cheated if I plunked down my coinage for a magazine that suggested Liz Taylor and Burt Reynolds were going at it hot and heavy and instead got a piece about how they'd rented the same hotel room at different times. She said, "So would I but our readers don't."
Feeling myself about to decline a paying assignment for what I think was the first time in my life, I said, "I'd also feel cheated if you did write about Liz and Burt having an affair and there was never any evidence of it in reality." She said, "So would I but our readers don't." She noted that for six years, which was about as long as the magazine had been around, they'd been running a minimum of three cover stories a year about how Liz and Richard Burton would be announcing their divorce any day now. That hadn't happened either but it hadn't harmed their circulation, nor was there any indicator it had impaired the magazine's credibility. (As it turned out, Liz and Dick did divorce a few years later.)
The editor finally grew weary of my naïve questions and asked, "Do you want the assignment or not?" I opted for "not." It crossed some boundary of honesty in my brain, plus it meant working in an area that I obviously did not understand at all.
Oh, I understood the part about wanting to grab newsstand patrons with a hot, scandalous promise on the cover. Even if I couldn't lower myself to do it, I certainly grasped why a magazine would want to do that. What I couldn't comprehend was why, if the magazine didn't deliver what was promised and/or didn't deliver facts that stood even the briefest test of time, people still bought it. I still don't understand that...
...though I do ponder the question every time I watch Fox News.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
We got scammed. The "Secret" Israeli Weapon . . .Ain't
I sent out a video clip that purported to show a new Israeli "secret weapon" that demolished a Syrian tank that was threatening Israeli positions.
The story is apparently false; the weapon has been around since 1986. See this link for an update.
Sorry. Sometimes even a sly old silver fox like me gets snookered.
http://forums.gunboards.com/showthread.php?188734-Alleged-top-secret-Israeli-anti-tank-shoot-up
The story is apparently false; the weapon has been around since 1986. See this link for an update.
Sorry. Sometimes even a sly old silver fox like me gets snookered.
http://forums.gunboards.com/showthread.php?188734-Alleged-top-secret-Israeli-anti-tank-shoot-up
Ready for your next job?
Scared the hell out of me, just watching the video. I wouldn't do this for $20,000! Hell, I wouldn't do it for any price!
http://www.liveleak.com/mp53/player.swf?config=http://www.liveleak.com/mp53/player_config.php?token=07b_1284580365%26embed=1
http://www.liveleak.com/mp53/player.swf?config=http://www.liveleak.com/mp53/player_config.php?token=07b_1284580365%26embed=1
Global Fax About Sex
Global Facts About Sex
At Any Given Moment:
FACT:
79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now!
FACT:
58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT:
37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT:
1 elderly person is reading emails.
At Any Given Moment:
FACT:
79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now!
FACT:
58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT:
37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT:
1 elderly person is reading emails.
A Fun Puzzle
Great Puzzle!
Believe it or not, the pieces all fit as they are ... you do not have to turn them at all! Have FUN!
For that little extra something to keep the gray matter active.
Just drag the pieces ...
http://www.jigidi.com/solve.php?id=VTNCHLS9
Believe it or not, the pieces all fit as they are ... you do not have to turn them at all! Have FUN!
For that little extra something to keep the gray matter active.
Just drag the pieces ...
http://www.jigidi.com/solve.php?id=VTNCHLS9
Easter and Cucumbers - two unrelated items
EASTER TRADITIONS
Easter is definitely a Christian holiday. The traditions of Easter, however, embody many pre-Christian traditions.
The origin of the name, Easter, is unknown, but an eighth– century English scholar, St Bede, proposed that it came from Eostre the Anglo–Saxon name of a Teutonic goddess of Spring. When depicted, Eostre was often accompanied by a rabbit.
During the second century Christian missionaries in Northern Europe noticed that the holiday commemorating the Resurrection of Jesus coincided with Teutonic celebrations of Spring. Christian Easter gradually absorbed some of the Teutonic symbols.
In medieval Europe, eggs were forbidden food during Lent. They were thus a mainstay of Easter meals and a prized gift for children and servants.
German settlers in the North American Colonies are credited with bringing the traditio of a bunny named “Oschter Haws” who would visit houses on Easter eve, leaving colored eggs.
Hot cross buns were marked by the Saxons to honor Easter. The crosses were said to represent the moon’s quarters. Christians now see the cross as a reference to the crucifixion.
Sources: factmonster.com; history.com
WOW WHO KNEW WHAT A LITTLE GEM THE CUCUMBER IS? I WILL LOOK AT IT DIFFERENTLY NOW...
1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.
2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber.
Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for hours.
3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower?
Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance.
4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few slices in a
small pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area.
5 Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool?
Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!
6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache?
Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!!
7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge?
Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off starvation.
8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you don't have enough time to polish your shoes?
Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the shoe. Its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that not only looks great but also repels water.
9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge?
Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge and voila, the squeak is gone!
10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa?
Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber with react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams.
11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints?
Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath. The phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.
12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel?
Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine, but is won't leave streaks and won't harm your fingers or fingernails while you clean.
13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!!
Easter is definitely a Christian holiday. The traditions of Easter, however, embody many pre-Christian traditions.
The origin of the name, Easter, is unknown, but an eighth– century English scholar, St Bede, proposed that it came from Eostre the Anglo–Saxon name of a Teutonic goddess of Spring. When depicted, Eostre was often accompanied by a rabbit.
During the second century Christian missionaries in Northern Europe noticed that the holiday commemorating the Resurrection of Jesus coincided with Teutonic celebrations of Spring. Christian Easter gradually absorbed some of the Teutonic symbols.
In medieval Europe, eggs were forbidden food during Lent. They were thus a mainstay of Easter meals and a prized gift for children and servants.
German settlers in the North American Colonies are credited with bringing the traditio of a bunny named “Oschter Haws” who would visit houses on Easter eve, leaving colored eggs.
Hot cross buns were marked by the Saxons to honor Easter. The crosses were said to represent the moon’s quarters. Christians now see the cross as a reference to the crucifixion.
Sources: factmonster.com; history.com
WOW WHO KNEW WHAT A LITTLE GEM THE CUCUMBER IS? I WILL LOOK AT IT DIFFERENTLY NOW...
1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.
2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber.
Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for hours.
3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower?
Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance.
4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few slices in a
small pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area.
5 Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool?
Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!
6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache?
Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!!
7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge?
Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off starvation.
8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you don't have enough time to polish your shoes?
Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the shoe. Its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that not only looks great but also repels water.
9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge?
Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge and voila, the squeak is gone!
10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa?
Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber with react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams.
11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints?
Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath. The phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.
12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel?
Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine, but is won't leave streaks and won't harm your fingers or fingernails while you clean.
13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!!
Hoof and Mouth Disease Can be Expensive . . .
'Some people!' snorted a man standing behind me in the long line at the grocery store.
'You would think the manager would pay attention and open another line,' said a woman.
I looked to the front of the line to see what the hold up was and saw a well dressed,
young woman, trying to get the machine to accept her credit card. No matter how
many times she swiped it, the machine kept rejecting it.
'It's one of them welfare card things. Damn people need to get a job like everyone else,' said the man standing behind me.
The young woman turned around to see who had made the comment.
'It was me,' he said, pointing to himself.
The young lady's face began to change expression. Almost in tears, she dropped the welfare card onto the counter and quickly walked out of the store. Everyonein the checkout line watched as she began running to her car.
Never looking back, she got in and drove way.
Several minutes later a young man walked into the store. He went up to the cashier and asked if she had seen the woman. After describing her, the cashier told him that she had run out of the store, got into her car, and drove away.
'Why would she do that?' asked the man. Everyone in the line looked around at the fellow who had made the statement.
'I made a stupid comment about the Welfare card she was using. Something I shouldn't have said. I'm sorry,' said the man.
'Well, that's bad, real bad, in fact. Her brother was killed in Afghanistan two years ago. He had three young children and she has taken on that responsibility. She's twenty years old, single, and now has three children to support,' he said in a very firm voice.
'I'm really truly sorry. I didn't know,' he replied, shaking both his hands about.
The young man asked, 'Are these paid for?' pointing to the shopping cart full of groceries.
'It wouldn't take her card' the clerk told him.
'Do you know where she lives?' asked the man who had made the comment.
'Yes, she goes to our church.'
'Excuse me,' he said as he made his way to the front of the line. He pulled out his wallet, took out his credit card and told the cashier, 'Please use my card. PLEASE!'The clerk took his credit card and began to ring up the young woman's groceries.
'Hold on,' said the gentleman. He walked back to his shopping cart and began loading his own groceries onto the belt to be included. 'Come on people, we got three kids to help raise!' he told everyone in line.
Everyone began to place their groceries onto the fast moving belt. A few customers began bagging the food and placing it into separate carts.. 'Go back and get two big turkeys,' yelled a heavyset woman, as she looked at the man.
'NO,' yelled the man. Everyone stopped dead in their racks. The entire store became quiet for several seconds. 'Get four turkeys,' yelled the man. Everyone began laughing and went back to work.
When all was said and done, the man paid a total of $1,646.57 for the groceries. He then walked over to the side, pulled out his check book, and began writing a check using the bags of dog food piled near the front of the store for a writing surface. He turned around and handed the check to the young man. 'She will need a freezer and a few other things as well,' he told the man.
The young man looked at the check and said, 'This is really very generous of you.'
'No, ' said the man. 'Her brother was the generous one.'
Everyone in the store had been observing the odd commotion and began to clap. And I drove home that day feeling very American. We live in the Land of the free, because of the Brave!! Remember our Troops of Yesterday and Today!
A great example of why we should be kind and patient.
Kindness is the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear.
'You would think the manager would pay attention and open another line,' said a woman.
I looked to the front of the line to see what the hold up was and saw a well dressed,
young woman, trying to get the machine to accept her credit card. No matter how
many times she swiped it, the machine kept rejecting it.
'It's one of them welfare card things. Damn people need to get a job like everyone else,' said the man standing behind me.
The young woman turned around to see who had made the comment.
'It was me,' he said, pointing to himself.
The young lady's face began to change expression. Almost in tears, she dropped the welfare card onto the counter and quickly walked out of the store. Everyonein the checkout line watched as she began running to her car.
Never looking back, she got in and drove way.
Several minutes later a young man walked into the store. He went up to the cashier and asked if she had seen the woman. After describing her, the cashier told him that she had run out of the store, got into her car, and drove away.
'Why would she do that?' asked the man. Everyone in the line looked around at the fellow who had made the statement.
'I made a stupid comment about the Welfare card she was using. Something I shouldn't have said. I'm sorry,' said the man.
'Well, that's bad, real bad, in fact. Her brother was killed in Afghanistan two years ago. He had three young children and she has taken on that responsibility. She's twenty years old, single, and now has three children to support,' he said in a very firm voice.
'I'm really truly sorry. I didn't know,' he replied, shaking both his hands about.
The young man asked, 'Are these paid for?' pointing to the shopping cart full of groceries.
'It wouldn't take her card' the clerk told him.
'Do you know where she lives?' asked the man who had made the comment.
'Yes, she goes to our church.'
'Excuse me,' he said as he made his way to the front of the line. He pulled out his wallet, took out his credit card and told the cashier, 'Please use my card. PLEASE!'The clerk took his credit card and began to ring up the young woman's groceries.
'Hold on,' said the gentleman. He walked back to his shopping cart and began loading his own groceries onto the belt to be included. 'Come on people, we got three kids to help raise!' he told everyone in line.
Everyone began to place their groceries onto the fast moving belt. A few customers began bagging the food and placing it into separate carts.. 'Go back and get two big turkeys,' yelled a heavyset woman, as she looked at the man.
'NO,' yelled the man. Everyone stopped dead in their racks. The entire store became quiet for several seconds. 'Get four turkeys,' yelled the man. Everyone began laughing and went back to work.
When all was said and done, the man paid a total of $1,646.57 for the groceries. He then walked over to the side, pulled out his check book, and began writing a check using the bags of dog food piled near the front of the store for a writing surface. He turned around and handed the check to the young man. 'She will need a freezer and a few other things as well,' he told the man.
The young man looked at the check and said, 'This is really very generous of you.'
'No, ' said the man. 'Her brother was the generous one.'
Everyone in the store had been observing the odd commotion and began to clap. And I drove home that day feeling very American. We live in the Land of the free, because of the Brave!! Remember our Troops of Yesterday and Today!
A great example of why we should be kind and patient.
Kindness is the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear.
From the world of Show Biz . . .
In the spring of 1955, Gypsy Rose Lee’s good friend (and famed milliner) Mr. John showed her his forthcoming spring collection. Lee, having bought one of the hats, deciphered its design, made a dozen copies, and distributed them to her friends as Easter gifts. Shortly thereafter, John happened to see one of his hats, atop one of Lee’s fortunate friends, passing by outside his shop window. He immediately called Lee for an explanation. ‘Oh, John, darling,” she declared. I’m so glad you called. I made a few copies of your marvelous hat and I need some labels. The hats look so naked without them”.The labels soon arrived and Lee dutifully sewed them inside each hat. Their messages? “A Mr. John design, stolen by Gypsy Rose Lee.”
Jack Benny’s wife Mary once lost a beautiful diamond ring during a robbery in a New York hotel. When Benny, in Pittsburgh at the time, learned of the theft (from a reporter), he tried to call Mary several times but was told that she was ‘out’.
When he finally managed to get through to Mary, he asked her where on earth she had been. “At the jeweler’s”, she replied. “looking for another ring.” “What??? At a time like this you’re out shopping for a diamond?” “Sure. It’s like when you fall off a horse.” Mary explained. ‘If you don’t get right back on, you never ride again.”
At the beginning of a children’s sermon, one girl came up to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down around the pastor, he leaned over and said to the girl, ‘That is a very pretty dress, is it your Easter dress?” The girl replied almost directly to the pastor’s clip on mike, ‘Yes, and my mom says it’s a bitch to iron!”
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher asked, ‘Why are you arguing?” One boy answered, ‘We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” “You should be ashamed of yourselves!” said the teacher. “When I was your age, I didn’t even know what a lie was.” The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car. Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought God have given him two feet. Without hesitation, the son replied, ‘That’s easy, one for the clutch and one for the gas..”
Rodney woke up at home with a huge hangover. He forced himself to open his eyes and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirin and a glass of water on the side table. He sat down and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Rodney looked around the room and saw that it was in perfect order, spotless and clean. So was the rest of the house. He took the aspirins and noticed a note on the table, “Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go shopping. Love you.” So he went to the kitchen and sure enough, there was a hot breakfast and the morning paper. His son was also at the table eating. Rodney asked,’ Son, what happened last night?” His son said, “Well, you came home after 3 AM, drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door. Mom dragged you into the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, “Lady, leave me alone. I’m married!”
Jack Benny’s wife Mary once lost a beautiful diamond ring during a robbery in a New York hotel. When Benny, in Pittsburgh at the time, learned of the theft (from a reporter), he tried to call Mary several times but was told that she was ‘out’.
When he finally managed to get through to Mary, he asked her where on earth she had been. “At the jeweler’s”, she replied. “looking for another ring.” “What??? At a time like this you’re out shopping for a diamond?” “Sure. It’s like when you fall off a horse.” Mary explained. ‘If you don’t get right back on, you never ride again.”
At the beginning of a children’s sermon, one girl came up to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down around the pastor, he leaned over and said to the girl, ‘That is a very pretty dress, is it your Easter dress?” The girl replied almost directly to the pastor’s clip on mike, ‘Yes, and my mom says it’s a bitch to iron!”
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher asked, ‘Why are you arguing?” One boy answered, ‘We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” “You should be ashamed of yourselves!” said the teacher. “When I was your age, I didn’t even know what a lie was.” The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car. Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought God have given him two feet. Without hesitation, the son replied, ‘That’s easy, one for the clutch and one for the gas..”
Rodney woke up at home with a huge hangover. He forced himself to open his eyes and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirin and a glass of water on the side table. He sat down and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Rodney looked around the room and saw that it was in perfect order, spotless and clean. So was the rest of the house. He took the aspirins and noticed a note on the table, “Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go shopping. Love you.” So he went to the kitchen and sure enough, there was a hot breakfast and the morning paper. His son was also at the table eating. Rodney asked,’ Son, what happened last night?” His son said, “Well, you came home after 3 AM, drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door. Mom dragged you into the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, “Lady, leave me alone. I’m married!”
The rest of the story . . .
It seems that some centuries ago, many Norwegians came to Ireland to escape the bitterness of the Norwegian winter. Ireland was having a famine at the time, and food was scarce. The Norwegians were eating almost all the fish caught in the area, leaving the Irish with nothing to eat but potatoes.
St. Patrick, taking matters into his own hands, as most Irishmen do, decided the Norwegians had to go. Secretly, he organized the Irish IRATRION (Irish Republican Army to Rid Ireland of Norwegians). Irish members of IRATRION passed a law in Ireland that prohibited merchants from selling ice boxes or ice to the Norwegians, in hopes that their fish would spoil. This would force the Norwegians to flee to a colder climate where their fish would keep.
Well, the fish spoiled, all right, but the Norwegians, as every one knows today, thrive on spoiled fish. So, faced with failure, the desperate Irishmen sneaked into the Norwegian fish storage caves in the dead of night and sprinkled the rotten fish with lye, hoping to poison the Norwegian invaders.
But, as everyone knows, the Norwegians thought this only added to the flavor of the fish, and they liked it so much they decided to call it "lutefisk", which is Norwegian for "luscious fish".Matters became even worse for the Irishmen when the Norwegians started taking over the Irish potato crop and making something called "lefse".
Poor St. Patrick was at his wit's end, and finally on March 17th, he blew his top and told all the Norwegians to "GO TO HELL". So they all got in their boats and emigrated to Minnesota, Wisconsin or the Dakotas---- the only other paradise on earth where smelly fish, old potatoes and plenty of cold weather can be found in abundance.
And now you know the rest of the story.
St. Patrick, taking matters into his own hands, as most Irishmen do, decided the Norwegians had to go. Secretly, he organized the Irish IRATRION (Irish Republican Army to Rid Ireland of Norwegians). Irish members of IRATRION passed a law in Ireland that prohibited merchants from selling ice boxes or ice to the Norwegians, in hopes that their fish would spoil. This would force the Norwegians to flee to a colder climate where their fish would keep.
Well, the fish spoiled, all right, but the Norwegians, as every one knows today, thrive on spoiled fish. So, faced with failure, the desperate Irishmen sneaked into the Norwegian fish storage caves in the dead of night and sprinkled the rotten fish with lye, hoping to poison the Norwegian invaders.
But, as everyone knows, the Norwegians thought this only added to the flavor of the fish, and they liked it so much they decided to call it "lutefisk", which is Norwegian for "luscious fish".Matters became even worse for the Irishmen when the Norwegians started taking over the Irish potato crop and making something called "lefse".
Poor St. Patrick was at his wit's end, and finally on March 17th, he blew his top and told all the Norwegians to "GO TO HELL". So they all got in their boats and emigrated to Minnesota, Wisconsin or the Dakotas---- the only other paradise on earth where smelly fish, old potatoes and plenty of cold weather can be found in abundance.
And now you know the rest of the story.
Blondes Explaining Easter
Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.
The first blonde, an American, said "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and wouldn't let her in.
The second blonde, a Brit, said "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus's birth and exchange gifts."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he wouldn't let her in either.
The third blonde, a Canadian, said she knew what Easter was, and St.Peter said, "So, tell me."
She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ... "
St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."
Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."
The first blonde, an American, said "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and wouldn't let her in.
The second blonde, a Brit, said "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus's birth and exchange gifts."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he wouldn't let her in either.
The third blonde, a Canadian, said she knew what Easter was, and St.Peter said, "So, tell me."
She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ... "
St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."
Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."
Random Observations
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE
PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?
IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?
IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
The IDF at work
Death by Phosphorous
See the attached video
The Israelis don't screw around, do they?
What you are about to watch is an actual event. The Israeli Armed
Forces filmed this in real time. What you'll see is a fully armored
Syrian tank being hit by an Israeli laser-guided, steel-penetrating,
phosphorous-filled "hand held" rocket. The rocket is small, very
portable and is a tightly controlled weapon. Each one is accounted for
when they are checked out and back in. There must be no fewer than 2
soldiers present to verify the use, one must be a senior officer with a
minimum of 10 years military service. (Sorry, the name and program is
kept secret.)
This tank was headed for one of Israel 'S settlements. There were four
more tanks one mile to the rear of this tank. They turned around before
getting to this area after learning what had happened to the lead tank.
You can hear the ammunition going off after the initial strike. No
Syrian tank crew member survived this event and it did not make the
news. It is an everyday event for Israel 'S Armed Forces and they do not
permit the "embedding" of news reporters with their armed forces like we
Americans do. This weapon and its tactical use is for their survival,
not for "news" entertainment! Perhaps we should take a page from the
Israeli Military Handbook.
See the attached video
The Israelis don't screw around, do they?
What you are about to watch is an actual event. The Israeli Armed
Forces filmed this in real time. What you'll see is a fully armored
Syrian tank being hit by an Israeli laser-guided, steel-penetrating,
phosphorous-filled "hand held" rocket. The rocket is small, very
portable and is a tightly controlled weapon. Each one is accounted for
when they are checked out and back in. There must be no fewer than 2
soldiers present to verify the use, one must be a senior officer with a
minimum of 10 years military service. (Sorry, the name and program is
kept secret.)
This tank was headed for one of Israel 'S settlements. There were four
more tanks one mile to the rear of this tank. They turned around before
getting to this area after learning what had happened to the lead tank.
You can hear the ammunition going off after the initial strike. No
Syrian tank crew member survived this event and it did not make the
news. It is an everyday event for Israel 'S Armed Forces and they do not
permit the "embedding" of news reporters with their armed forces like we
Americans do. This weapon and its tactical use is for their survival,
not for "news" entertainment! Perhaps we should take a page from the
Israeli Military Handbook.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Smart Ass Answers
Smart Ass Answers
SMART ASS ANSWER #6:
It was mealtime during an airline flight. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked.
"'Yes or no," she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the officer said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge, and I ran out of gas."
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR!
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
A BONUS EXTRA!!
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
SMART ASS ANSWER #6:
It was mealtime during an airline flight. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked.
"'Yes or no," she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the officer said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge, and I ran out of gas."
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR!
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
A BONUS EXTRA!!
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Saturday's Memo
It's a sunny but cool Saturday here in San Diego County. Lots of clouds in the sky with a threat of rain later today and possibly tomorrow as well. No matter. Even with this bitterly cold temperature of 56 degrees being blown about by 10mph winds, I managed to survive a nice long walk with Trixie while clad only in my tennis shorts, sandals, sports shirt and windbreaker.
Trixie became fascinated with our gophers the other evening. She caught one, threw it in the air about 3', but then Evelyn made sure the gopher got away be reining Trixie in. The hunting lust has gotten to her now, however. She loves to go out, stick her snout down into the gopher hole and just remain motionless . . . if I let her, she'd do that for a quarter to half hour. I don't let her. I have more things to do than stand there like Crumby's mule, watching a dog looking down a gopher hole.
But, we got a bit of exercise in as I took her up around the cul de sac and back. She loves the outdoors and pesters either Evelyn or me to take her walkies way more often than she needs to. I don't mind if she needs a potty break . . . but am frustrated when she takes me away from my work to just go out and smell the roses. Do you suppose there's a lesson there she's trying to teach me?
Finally went out and harvested a bunch of oranges from one of our trees. Filled a shopping bag full and am now eating at least one, usually two, per day. Nothing tastes quite so good as a fresh orange, picked from your own tree.
We have a neighbor up by the cul de sac that has a grapefruit tree. I'm gonna stop and ask if she'd mind if I picked a couple. I'm not supposed to have grapefruit as it neutralizes one of the medications I take for cholesterol. But, I like to live dangerously so, occasionally, I sin. I've already stolen several grapefruit from her tree but thought I'd better ask permission. Ain't as much fun as stealing them, but will probably get a whole lot more.
Had a dear friend just die last week of breast cancer. Vivian Doering was a writer for the old Escondido Times Advocate and the San Diego Union-Tribune - she was also an attorney who focused on Elder Law and took a lot of cases 'pro bono,' (as in "free of charge"). She was probably one of our biggest boosters and would go around town handing out copies of The Paper, insisting the recipient be sure to read this paper, it's the greatest! She lost her husband, Joe, in December of last year. That wasn't bad news enough . . . she then learned she had breast cancer. She took chemo, didn't have the desired results, flew to Houston to a renown cancer clinic; no luck. She passed last Wednesday, with her family at her bedside.
Vivian was known for her 'colorful' dress. She always had a red hat, or, if not red, some type of hat that would put Aretha Franklin to shame. She wore different color hose, often matching her colorful shoes, and was always dressed to the nines. You had a hard time missing Vivian in a crowd. She stood out. She was a good pal of The Paper and she will be missed.
Things are kinda quiet this weekend. No big plans, just work on the paper, get caught up on correspondence, perhaps take a nap or two. Earlier today I did something I haven't done for ages. I read for pleasure. I normally don't have time nor patience to do that. I read so much as part of the job that leisure reading isn't normally in the cards. It helps that the book I'm reading has large type. These ancient eyes can't handle the small type so easily.
Nothing earth shattering happening here . . . just a lazy Saturday. Trust your weekend is equally relaxing.
Best.
lyle
Trixie became fascinated with our gophers the other evening. She caught one, threw it in the air about 3', but then Evelyn made sure the gopher got away be reining Trixie in. The hunting lust has gotten to her now, however. She loves to go out, stick her snout down into the gopher hole and just remain motionless . . . if I let her, she'd do that for a quarter to half hour. I don't let her. I have more things to do than stand there like Crumby's mule, watching a dog looking down a gopher hole.
But, we got a bit of exercise in as I took her up around the cul de sac and back. She loves the outdoors and pesters either Evelyn or me to take her walkies way more often than she needs to. I don't mind if she needs a potty break . . . but am frustrated when she takes me away from my work to just go out and smell the roses. Do you suppose there's a lesson there she's trying to teach me?
Finally went out and harvested a bunch of oranges from one of our trees. Filled a shopping bag full and am now eating at least one, usually two, per day. Nothing tastes quite so good as a fresh orange, picked from your own tree.
We have a neighbor up by the cul de sac that has a grapefruit tree. I'm gonna stop and ask if she'd mind if I picked a couple. I'm not supposed to have grapefruit as it neutralizes one of the medications I take for cholesterol. But, I like to live dangerously so, occasionally, I sin. I've already stolen several grapefruit from her tree but thought I'd better ask permission. Ain't as much fun as stealing them, but will probably get a whole lot more.
Had a dear friend just die last week of breast cancer. Vivian Doering was a writer for the old Escondido Times Advocate and the San Diego Union-Tribune - she was also an attorney who focused on Elder Law and took a lot of cases 'pro bono,' (as in "free of charge"). She was probably one of our biggest boosters and would go around town handing out copies of The Paper, insisting the recipient be sure to read this paper, it's the greatest! She lost her husband, Joe, in December of last year. That wasn't bad news enough . . . she then learned she had breast cancer. She took chemo, didn't have the desired results, flew to Houston to a renown cancer clinic; no luck. She passed last Wednesday, with her family at her bedside.
Vivian was known for her 'colorful' dress. She always had a red hat, or, if not red, some type of hat that would put Aretha Franklin to shame. She wore different color hose, often matching her colorful shoes, and was always dressed to the nines. You had a hard time missing Vivian in a crowd. She stood out. She was a good pal of The Paper and she will be missed.
Things are kinda quiet this weekend. No big plans, just work on the paper, get caught up on correspondence, perhaps take a nap or two. Earlier today I did something I haven't done for ages. I read for pleasure. I normally don't have time nor patience to do that. I read so much as part of the job that leisure reading isn't normally in the cards. It helps that the book I'm reading has large type. These ancient eyes can't handle the small type so easily.
Nothing earth shattering happening here . . . just a lazy Saturday. Trust your weekend is equally relaxing.
Best.
lyle
LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted
“My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”
________________________________
GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.
She asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?”
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I'd throw up.”
________________________________
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?”
“No,” replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms.”
________________________________
HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, “We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?”
One child blurted out, “Aces!”
________________________________
MOSES AND THE RED SEA
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.
“Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.”
“Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his Mother asked.
“Well, no, Mom.. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!”
________________________________
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
Description: cid:5.1696839415@web57803.mail.re3.yahoo.com
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.
Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous.
When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know.”
________________________________
UNANSWERED PRAYER
Description: cid:6.1696839415@web57803.mail.re3.yahoo.com
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.
“Well, Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. “I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.”
“How come He doesn't answer it?” she asked.
_______________________________
BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, “So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?”
The little boy replied, “Thank God he's in bed!”
________________________________
UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER
During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews.
Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, “Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?”
Tommy answered soberly, “I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!”
_______________________________
TIME TO PRAY
Description: cid:7.1696839415@web57803.mail.re3.yahoo.com
A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.
“Yes, sir.” the boy replied.
“And, do you always say them in the morning, too?” the pastor asked.
“No sir,” the boy replied. “I ain't scared in the daytime.”
________________________________
ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
Description: cid:8.1696839415@web57803.mail.re3.yahoo.com
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).
For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, “And all girls.”
This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing.
My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?”
Her response, “Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!”
________________________________
SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
“Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.” said his mother.
“I don't need to,” the boy replied.
“Of course, you do.” his mother insisted. “We always say a prayer before eating at our house.”
“That's at our house.” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!”
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted
“My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”
________________________________
GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.
She asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?”
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I'd throw up.”
________________________________
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?”
“No,” replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms.”
________________________________
HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, “We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?”
One child blurted out, “Aces!”
________________________________
MOSES AND THE RED SEA
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.
“Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.”
“Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his Mother asked.
“Well, no, Mom.. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!”
________________________________
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
Description: cid:5.1696839415@web57803.mail.re3.yahoo.com
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.
Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous.
When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know.”
________________________________
UNANSWERED PRAYER
Description: cid:6.1696839415@web57803.mail.re3.yahoo.com
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.
“Well, Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. “I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.”
“How come He doesn't answer it?” she asked.
_______________________________
BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, “So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?”
The little boy replied, “Thank God he's in bed!”
________________________________
UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER
During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews.
Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, “Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?”
Tommy answered soberly, “I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!”
_______________________________
TIME TO PRAY
Description: cid:7.1696839415@web57803.mail.re3.yahoo.com
A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.
“Yes, sir.” the boy replied.
“And, do you always say them in the morning, too?” the pastor asked.
“No sir,” the boy replied. “I ain't scared in the daytime.”
________________________________
ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
Description: cid:8.1696839415@web57803.mail.re3.yahoo.com
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).
For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, “And all girls.”
This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing.
My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?”
Her response, “Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!”
________________________________
SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
“Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.” said his mother.
“I don't need to,” the boy replied.
“Of course, you do.” his mother insisted. “We always say a prayer before eating at our house.”
“That's at our house.” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!”
10 Things we can learn from Japan . . .
10 things to learn from Japan – SKYNEWS reported this a few days back.
1. THE CALM
Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.
2. THE DIGNITY
Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture. Their patience is admirable and praiseworthy.
3. THE ABILITY
The incredible architects, for instance. Buildings swayed but didn’t fall.
4. THE GRACE (Selflessness)
People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.
5. THE ORDER
No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just understanding.
6. THE SACRIFICE
Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid?
7. THE TENDERNESS
Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.
8. THE TRAINING
The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.
9. THE MEDIA
They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage. Most of all – NO POLITICIANS TRYING TO GET CHEAP MILEAGE.
10. THE CONSCIENCE
When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly.
With their country in the midst of a colossal disaster - The Japanese citizens can teach plenty of lessons to the world.
1. THE CALM
Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.
2. THE DIGNITY
Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture. Their patience is admirable and praiseworthy.
3. THE ABILITY
The incredible architects, for instance. Buildings swayed but didn’t fall.
4. THE GRACE (Selflessness)
People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.
5. THE ORDER
No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just understanding.
6. THE SACRIFICE
Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid?
7. THE TENDERNESS
Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.
8. THE TRAINING
The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.
9. THE MEDIA
They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage. Most of all – NO POLITICIANS TRYING TO GET CHEAP MILEAGE.
10. THE CONSCIENCE
When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly.
With their country in the midst of a colossal disaster - The Japanese citizens can teach plenty of lessons to the world.
On Engineers . . .
Understanding Engineers
I used to have a secretary who was married to an Electronic engineer.
She once said, "I've been married to an engineer for 40 years. And all I can
say is , they are strange People. "
No offense to engineers of any kind or their famlies.
*********************************************************************************
Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him.." He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free any time." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an art s degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
I used to have a secretary who was married to an Electronic engineer.
She once said, "I've been married to an engineer for 40 years. And all I can
say is , they are strange People. "
No offense to engineers of any kind or their famlies.
*********************************************************************************
Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him.." He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free any time." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an art s degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
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