Monday, February 28, 2011
Burial At Sea
Burial at Sea”
by LtCol George Goodson, USMC (Ret)
In my 76th year, the events of my life appear to me, from time to time, as a series of vignettes. Some were significant; most were trivial.
War is the seminal event in the life of everyone that has endured it. Though I fought in Korea and the Dominican Republic and was wounded there, Vietnam was my war.
Now 37 years have passed and, thankfully, I rarely think of those days in Cambodia , Laos , and the panhandle of North Vietnam where small teams of Americans and Montangards fought much larger elements of the North Vietnamese Army. Instead I see vignettes: some exotic, some mundane:
*The smell of Nuc Mam.
*The heat, dust, and humidity.
*The blue exhaust of cycles clogging the streets.
*Elephants moving silently through the tall grass.
*Hard eyes behind the servile smiles of the villagers.
*Standing on a mountain in Laos and hearing a tiger roar.
*A young girl squeezing my hand as my medic delivered her baby.
*The flowing Ao Dais of the young women biking down Tran Hung Dao.
*My two years as Casualty Notification Officer in North Carolina , Virginia , and Maryland .
It was late 1967. I had just returned after 18 months in Vietnam . Casualties were increasing. I moved my family from Indianapolis to Norfolk , rented a house, enrolled my children in their fifth or sixth new school, and bought a second car.
A week later, I put on my uniform and drove 10 miles to Little Creek, Virginia. I hesitated before entering my new office. Appearance is important to career Marines. I was no longer, if ever, a poster Marine. I had returned from my third tour in Vietnam only 30 days before. At 5’9″, I now weighed 128 pounds – 37 pounds below my normal weight. My uniforms fit ludicrously, my skin was yellow from malaria medication, and I think I had a twitch or two.
I straightened my shoulders, walked into the office, looked at the nameplate on a Staff Sergeant’s desk and said, “Sergeant Jolly, I’m Lieutenant Colonel Goodson. Here are my orders and my Qualification Jacket.”
Sergeant Jolly stood, looked carefully at me, took my orders, stuck out his hand; we shook and he asked, “How long were you there, Colonel?” I replied “18 months this time.” Jolly breathed, “Jesus, you must be a slow learner Colonel.” I smiled.
Jolly said, “Colonel, I’ll show you to your office and bring in the Sergeant Major. I said, “No, let’s just go straight to his office.”
Jolly nodded, hesitated, and lowered his voice, “Colonel, the Sergeant Major. He’s been in this G*dd@mn job two years. He’s packed pretty tight. I’m worried about him.” I nodded.
Jolly escorted me into the Sergeant Major’s office. “Sergeant Major, this is Colonel Goodson, the new Commanding Office. The Sergeant Major stood, extended his hand and said, “Good to see you again, Colonel.” I responded, “Hello Walt, how are you?” Jolly looked at me, raised an eyebrow, walked out, and closed the door.
I sat down with the Sergeant Major. We had the obligatory cup of coffee and talked about mutual acquaintances. Walt’s stress was palpable.
Finally, I said, “Walt, what’s the h-ll’s wrong?” He turned his chair, looked out the window and said, “George, you’re going to wish you were back in Nam before you leave here.. I’ve been in the Marine Corps since 1939. I was in the Pacific 36 months, Korea for 14 months, and Vietnam for 12 months. Now I come here to bury these kids. I’m putting my letter in. I can’t take it anymore.” I said, “OK Walt. If that’s what you want, I’ll endorse your request for retirement and do what I can to push it through Headquarters Marine Corps.”
Sergeant Major Walt Xxxxx retired 12 weeks later. He had been a good Marine for 28 years, but he had seen too much death and too much suffering. He was used up.
Over the next 16 months, I made 28 death notifications, conducted 28 military funerals, and made 30 notifications to the families of Marines that were severely wounded or missing in action. Most of the details of those casualty notifications have now, thankfully, faded from memory. Four, however, remain.
MY FIRST NOTIFICATION My third or fourth day in Norfolk , I was notified of the death of a 19 year old Marine. This notification came by telephone from Headquarters Marine Corps. The information detailed:
*Name, rank, and serial number.
*Name, address, and phone number of next of kin.
*Date of and limited details about the Marine’s death.
*Approximate date the body would arrive at the Norfolk Naval Air Station.
*A strong recommendation on whether the casket should be opened or closed.
The boy’s family lived over the border in North Carolina , about 60 miles away. I drove there in a Marine Corps staff car. Crossing the state line into North Carolina , I stopped at a small country store / service station / Post Office. I went in to ask directions.
Three people were in the store. A man and woman approached the small Post Office window. The man held a package. The Storeowner walked up and addressed them by name, “Hello John . Good morning Mrs. Cooper.”
I was stunned. My casualty’s next-of-kin’s name was John Cooper !
I hesitated, then stepped forward and said, “I beg your pardon. Are you Mr. and Mrs. John Copper of (address.)
The father looked at me-I was in uniform – and then, shaking, bent at the waist, he vomited. His wife looked horrified at him and then at me.
Understanding came into her eyes and she collapsed in slow motion. I think I caught her before she hit the floor.
The owner took a bottle of whiskey out of a drawer and handed it to Mr. Cooper who drank. I answered their questions for a few minutes. Then I drove them home in my staff car. The storeowner locked the store and followed in their truck. We stayed an hour or so until the family began arriving.
I returned the storeowner to his business. He thanked me and said, “Mister, I wouldn’t have your job for a million dollars.” I shook his hand and said; “Neither would I.”
I vaguely remember the drive back to Norfolk . Violating about five Marine Corps regulations, I drove the staff car straight to my house. I sat with my family while they ate dinner, went into the den, closed the door, and sat there all night, alone.
My Marines steered clear of me for days. I had made my first death notification.
THE FUNERALS Weeks passed with more notifications and more funerals.. I borrowed Marines from the local Marine Corps Reserve and taught them to conduct a military funeral: how to carry a casket, how to fire the volleys and how to fold the flag.
When I presented the flag to the mother, wife, or father, I always said, “All Marines share in your grief.” I had been instructed to say, “On behalf of a grateful nation.” I didn’t think the nation was grateful, so I didn’t say that.
Sometimes, my emotions got the best of me and I couldn’t speak. When that happened, I just handed them the flag and touched a shoulder.
They would look at me and nod. Once a mother said to me, “I’m so sorry you have this terrible job.” My eyes filled with tears and I leaned over and kissed her.
ANOTHER NOTIFICATION Six weeks after my first notification, I had another. This was a young PFC. I drove to his mother’s house. As always, I was in uniform and driving a Marine Corps staff car. I parked in front of the house, took a deep breath, and walked towards the house. Suddenlythe door flew open, a middle-aged woman rushed out. She looked at me and ran across the yard, screaming “NO! NO! NO! NO!”
I hesitated. Neighbors came out. I ran to her, grabbed her, and whispered stupid things to reassure her. She collapsed. I picked her up and carried her into the house. Eight or nine neighbors followed. Ten or fifteen later, the father came in followed by ambulance personnel. I have no recollection of leaving.
The funeral took place about two weeks later. We went through the drill. The mother never looked at me. The father looked at me once and shook his head sadly.
ANOTHER NOTIFICATION One morning, as I walked in the office, the phone was ringing. Sergeant Jolly held the phone up and said, “You’ve got another one, Colonel.” I nodded, walked into my office, picked up the phone, took notes, thanked the officer making the call, I have no idea why, and hung up. Jolly, who had listened, came in with a special Telephone Directory that translates telephone numbers into the person’s address and place of employment.
The father of this casualty was a Longshoreman. He lived a mile from my office. I called the Longshoreman’s Union Office and asked for the Business Manager. He answered the phone, I told him who I was, and asked for the father’s schedule.
The Business Manager asked, “Is it his son?” I said nothing. After a moment, he said, in a low voice, “Tom is at home today.” I said, “Don’t call him. I’ll take care of that.” The Business Manager said, “Aye, Aye Sir,” and then explained, “Tom and I were Marines in WWII.”
I got in my staff car and drove to the house. I was in uniform. I knocked and a woman in her early forties answered the door. I saw instantly that she was clueless. I asked, “Is Mr. Smith home?” She smiled pleasantly and responded, “Yes, but he’s eating breakfast now. Can you come back later?” I said, “I’m sorry. It’s important, I need to see him now.”
She nodded, stepped back into the beach house and said, “Tom, it’s for you.”
A moment later, a ruddy man in his late forties, appeared at the door. He looked at me, turned absolutely pale, steadied himself, and said, “Jesus Christ man, he’s only been there three weeks!”
Months passed. More notifications and more funerals. Then one day while I was running, Sergeant Jolly stepped outside the building and gave a loud whistle, two fingers in his mouth…. I never could do that… and held an imaginary phone to his ear.
Another call from Headquarters Marine Corps. I took notes, said, “Got it.” and hung up. I had stopped saying “Thank You” long ago.
Jolly, “Where?”
Me, “Eastern Shore of Maryland . The father is a retired Chief Petty Officer. His brother will accompany the body back from Vietnam .”
Jolly shook his head slowly, straightened, and then said, “This time of day, it’ll take three hours to get there and back. I’ll call the Naval Air Station and borrow a helicopter. And I’ll have Captain Tolliver get one of his men to meet you and drive you to the Chief’s home.”
He did, and 40 minutes later, I was knocking on the father’s door. He opened the door, looked at me, then looked at the Marine standing at parade rest beside the car, and asked, “Which one of my boys was it, Colonel?”
I stayed a couple of hours, gave him all the information, my office and home phone number and told him to call me, anytime.
He called me that evening about 2300 (11:00PM). “I’ve gone through my boy’s papers and found his will. He asked to be buried at sea. Can you make that happen?” I said, “Yes I can, Chief. I can and I will.”
My wife who had been listening said, “Can you do that?” I told her, “I have no idea. But I’m going to break my ass trying.”
I called Lieutenant General Alpha Bowser, Commanding General, Fleet Marine Force Atlantic, at home about 2330, explained the situation, and asked, “General, can you get me a quick appointment with the Admiral at Atlantic Fleet Headquarters?” General Bowser said,” George, you be there tomorrow at 0900. He will see you.
I was and the Admiral did.. He said coldly, “How can the Navy help the Marine Corps, Colonel.” I told him the story. He turned to his Chief of Staff and said, “Which is the sharpest destroyer in port?” The Chief of Staff responded with a name.
The Admiral called the ship, “Captain, you’re going to do a burial at sea. You’ll report to a Marine Lieutenant Colonel Goodson until this mission is completed.”
He hung up, looked at me, and said, “The next time you need a ship, Colonel, call me. You don’t have to sic Al Bowser on my ass.” I responded, “Aye Aye, Sir” and got the h-ll out of his office.
I went to the ship and met with the Captain, Executive Officer, and the Senior Chief. Sergeant Jolly and I trained the ship’s crew for four days.
Then Jolly raised a question none of us had thought of. He said, “These government caskets are air tight. How do we keep it from floating?”
All the high priced help including me sat there looking dumb. Then the Senior Chief stood and said, “Come on Jolly. I know a bar where the retired guys from World War II hang out.”
They returned a couple of hours later, slightly the worst for wear, and said, “It’s simple; we cut four 12″ holes in the outer shell of the casket on each side and insert 300 lbs of lead in the foot end of the casket. We can handle that, no sweat.”
The day arrived. The ship and the sailors looked razor sharp. General Bowser, the Admiral, a US Senator, and a Navy Band were on board. The sealed casket was brought aboard and taken below for modification. The ship got underway to the 12-fathom depth.
The sun was hot. The ocean flat. The casket was brought aft and placed on a catafalque. The Chaplin spoke. The volleys were fired. The flag was removed, folded, and I gave it to the father. The band played “Eternal Father Strong to Save.” The casket was raised slightly at the head and it slid into the sea.
The heavy casket plunged straight down about six feet. The incoming water collided with the air pockets in the outer shell. The casket stopped abruptly, rose straight out of the water about three feet, stopped, and slowly slipped back into the sea. The air bubbles rising from the sinking casket sparkled in the in the sunlight as the casket disappeared from sight forever.
The next morning I called a personal friend, Lieutenant General Oscar Peatross, at Headquarters Marine Corps and said, “General, get me the fuck out of here. I can’t take this shit anymore.” I was transferred two weeks later.
I was a good Marine but, after 17 years, I had seen too much death and too much suffering. I was used up.
Vacating the house, my family and I drove to the office in a two-car convoy. I said my goodbyes. Sergeant Jolly walked out with me. He waved at my family, looked at me with tears in his eyes, came to attention, saluted, and said, “Well Done, Colonel. Well Done.”
I felt as if I had received the Medal of Honor!
That is all
by LtCol George Goodson, USMC (Ret)
In my 76th year, the events of my life appear to me, from time to time, as a series of vignettes. Some were significant; most were trivial.
War is the seminal event in the life of everyone that has endured it. Though I fought in Korea and the Dominican Republic and was wounded there, Vietnam was my war.
Now 37 years have passed and, thankfully, I rarely think of those days in Cambodia , Laos , and the panhandle of North Vietnam where small teams of Americans and Montangards fought much larger elements of the North Vietnamese Army. Instead I see vignettes: some exotic, some mundane:
*The smell of Nuc Mam.
*The heat, dust, and humidity.
*The blue exhaust of cycles clogging the streets.
*Elephants moving silently through the tall grass.
*Hard eyes behind the servile smiles of the villagers.
*Standing on a mountain in Laos and hearing a tiger roar.
*A young girl squeezing my hand as my medic delivered her baby.
*The flowing Ao Dais of the young women biking down Tran Hung Dao.
*My two years as Casualty Notification Officer in North Carolina , Virginia , and Maryland .
It was late 1967. I had just returned after 18 months in Vietnam . Casualties were increasing. I moved my family from Indianapolis to Norfolk , rented a house, enrolled my children in their fifth or sixth new school, and bought a second car.
A week later, I put on my uniform and drove 10 miles to Little Creek, Virginia. I hesitated before entering my new office. Appearance is important to career Marines. I was no longer, if ever, a poster Marine. I had returned from my third tour in Vietnam only 30 days before. At 5’9″, I now weighed 128 pounds – 37 pounds below my normal weight. My uniforms fit ludicrously, my skin was yellow from malaria medication, and I think I had a twitch or two.
I straightened my shoulders, walked into the office, looked at the nameplate on a Staff Sergeant’s desk and said, “Sergeant Jolly, I’m Lieutenant Colonel Goodson. Here are my orders and my Qualification Jacket.”
Sergeant Jolly stood, looked carefully at me, took my orders, stuck out his hand; we shook and he asked, “How long were you there, Colonel?” I replied “18 months this time.” Jolly breathed, “Jesus, you must be a slow learner Colonel.” I smiled.
Jolly said, “Colonel, I’ll show you to your office and bring in the Sergeant Major. I said, “No, let’s just go straight to his office.”
Jolly nodded, hesitated, and lowered his voice, “Colonel, the Sergeant Major. He’s been in this G*dd@mn job two years. He’s packed pretty tight. I’m worried about him.” I nodded.
Jolly escorted me into the Sergeant Major’s office. “Sergeant Major, this is Colonel Goodson, the new Commanding Office. The Sergeant Major stood, extended his hand and said, “Good to see you again, Colonel.” I responded, “Hello Walt, how are you?” Jolly looked at me, raised an eyebrow, walked out, and closed the door.
I sat down with the Sergeant Major. We had the obligatory cup of coffee and talked about mutual acquaintances. Walt’s stress was palpable.
Finally, I said, “Walt, what’s the h-ll’s wrong?” He turned his chair, looked out the window and said, “George, you’re going to wish you were back in Nam before you leave here.. I’ve been in the Marine Corps since 1939. I was in the Pacific 36 months, Korea for 14 months, and Vietnam for 12 months. Now I come here to bury these kids. I’m putting my letter in. I can’t take it anymore.” I said, “OK Walt. If that’s what you want, I’ll endorse your request for retirement and do what I can to push it through Headquarters Marine Corps.”
Sergeant Major Walt Xxxxx retired 12 weeks later. He had been a good Marine for 28 years, but he had seen too much death and too much suffering. He was used up.
Over the next 16 months, I made 28 death notifications, conducted 28 military funerals, and made 30 notifications to the families of Marines that were severely wounded or missing in action. Most of the details of those casualty notifications have now, thankfully, faded from memory. Four, however, remain.
MY FIRST NOTIFICATION My third or fourth day in Norfolk , I was notified of the death of a 19 year old Marine. This notification came by telephone from Headquarters Marine Corps. The information detailed:
*Name, rank, and serial number.
*Name, address, and phone number of next of kin.
*Date of and limited details about the Marine’s death.
*Approximate date the body would arrive at the Norfolk Naval Air Station.
*A strong recommendation on whether the casket should be opened or closed.
The boy’s family lived over the border in North Carolina , about 60 miles away. I drove there in a Marine Corps staff car. Crossing the state line into North Carolina , I stopped at a small country store / service station / Post Office. I went in to ask directions.
Three people were in the store. A man and woman approached the small Post Office window. The man held a package. The Storeowner walked up and addressed them by name, “Hello John . Good morning Mrs. Cooper.”
I was stunned. My casualty’s next-of-kin’s name was John Cooper !
I hesitated, then stepped forward and said, “I beg your pardon. Are you Mr. and Mrs. John Copper of (address.)
The father looked at me-I was in uniform – and then, shaking, bent at the waist, he vomited. His wife looked horrified at him and then at me.
Understanding came into her eyes and she collapsed in slow motion. I think I caught her before she hit the floor.
The owner took a bottle of whiskey out of a drawer and handed it to Mr. Cooper who drank. I answered their questions for a few minutes. Then I drove them home in my staff car. The storeowner locked the store and followed in their truck. We stayed an hour or so until the family began arriving.
I returned the storeowner to his business. He thanked me and said, “Mister, I wouldn’t have your job for a million dollars.” I shook his hand and said; “Neither would I.”
I vaguely remember the drive back to Norfolk . Violating about five Marine Corps regulations, I drove the staff car straight to my house. I sat with my family while they ate dinner, went into the den, closed the door, and sat there all night, alone.
My Marines steered clear of me for days. I had made my first death notification.
THE FUNERALS Weeks passed with more notifications and more funerals.. I borrowed Marines from the local Marine Corps Reserve and taught them to conduct a military funeral: how to carry a casket, how to fire the volleys and how to fold the flag.
When I presented the flag to the mother, wife, or father, I always said, “All Marines share in your grief.” I had been instructed to say, “On behalf of a grateful nation.” I didn’t think the nation was grateful, so I didn’t say that.
Sometimes, my emotions got the best of me and I couldn’t speak. When that happened, I just handed them the flag and touched a shoulder.
They would look at me and nod. Once a mother said to me, “I’m so sorry you have this terrible job.” My eyes filled with tears and I leaned over and kissed her.
ANOTHER NOTIFICATION Six weeks after my first notification, I had another. This was a young PFC. I drove to his mother’s house. As always, I was in uniform and driving a Marine Corps staff car. I parked in front of the house, took a deep breath, and walked towards the house. Suddenlythe door flew open, a middle-aged woman rushed out. She looked at me and ran across the yard, screaming “NO! NO! NO! NO!”
I hesitated. Neighbors came out. I ran to her, grabbed her, and whispered stupid things to reassure her. She collapsed. I picked her up and carried her into the house. Eight or nine neighbors followed. Ten or fifteen later, the father came in followed by ambulance personnel. I have no recollection of leaving.
The funeral took place about two weeks later. We went through the drill. The mother never looked at me. The father looked at me once and shook his head sadly.
ANOTHER NOTIFICATION One morning, as I walked in the office, the phone was ringing. Sergeant Jolly held the phone up and said, “You’ve got another one, Colonel.” I nodded, walked into my office, picked up the phone, took notes, thanked the officer making the call, I have no idea why, and hung up. Jolly, who had listened, came in with a special Telephone Directory that translates telephone numbers into the person’s address and place of employment.
The father of this casualty was a Longshoreman. He lived a mile from my office. I called the Longshoreman’s Union Office and asked for the Business Manager. He answered the phone, I told him who I was, and asked for the father’s schedule.
The Business Manager asked, “Is it his son?” I said nothing. After a moment, he said, in a low voice, “Tom is at home today.” I said, “Don’t call him. I’ll take care of that.” The Business Manager said, “Aye, Aye Sir,” and then explained, “Tom and I were Marines in WWII.”
I got in my staff car and drove to the house. I was in uniform. I knocked and a woman in her early forties answered the door. I saw instantly that she was clueless. I asked, “Is Mr. Smith home?” She smiled pleasantly and responded, “Yes, but he’s eating breakfast now. Can you come back later?” I said, “I’m sorry. It’s important, I need to see him now.”
She nodded, stepped back into the beach house and said, “Tom, it’s for you.”
A moment later, a ruddy man in his late forties, appeared at the door. He looked at me, turned absolutely pale, steadied himself, and said, “Jesus Christ man, he’s only been there three weeks!”
Months passed. More notifications and more funerals. Then one day while I was running, Sergeant Jolly stepped outside the building and gave a loud whistle, two fingers in his mouth…. I never could do that… and held an imaginary phone to his ear.
Another call from Headquarters Marine Corps. I took notes, said, “Got it.” and hung up. I had stopped saying “Thank You” long ago.
Jolly, “Where?”
Me, “Eastern Shore of Maryland . The father is a retired Chief Petty Officer. His brother will accompany the body back from Vietnam .”
Jolly shook his head slowly, straightened, and then said, “This time of day, it’ll take three hours to get there and back. I’ll call the Naval Air Station and borrow a helicopter. And I’ll have Captain Tolliver get one of his men to meet you and drive you to the Chief’s home.”
He did, and 40 minutes later, I was knocking on the father’s door. He opened the door, looked at me, then looked at the Marine standing at parade rest beside the car, and asked, “Which one of my boys was it, Colonel?”
I stayed a couple of hours, gave him all the information, my office and home phone number and told him to call me, anytime.
He called me that evening about 2300 (11:00PM). “I’ve gone through my boy’s papers and found his will. He asked to be buried at sea. Can you make that happen?” I said, “Yes I can, Chief. I can and I will.”
My wife who had been listening said, “Can you do that?” I told her, “I have no idea. But I’m going to break my ass trying.”
I called Lieutenant General Alpha Bowser, Commanding General, Fleet Marine Force Atlantic, at home about 2330, explained the situation, and asked, “General, can you get me a quick appointment with the Admiral at Atlantic Fleet Headquarters?” General Bowser said,” George, you be there tomorrow at 0900. He will see you.
I was and the Admiral did.. He said coldly, “How can the Navy help the Marine Corps, Colonel.” I told him the story. He turned to his Chief of Staff and said, “Which is the sharpest destroyer in port?” The Chief of Staff responded with a name.
The Admiral called the ship, “Captain, you’re going to do a burial at sea. You’ll report to a Marine Lieutenant Colonel Goodson until this mission is completed.”
He hung up, looked at me, and said, “The next time you need a ship, Colonel, call me. You don’t have to sic Al Bowser on my ass.” I responded, “Aye Aye, Sir” and got the h-ll out of his office.
I went to the ship and met with the Captain, Executive Officer, and the Senior Chief. Sergeant Jolly and I trained the ship’s crew for four days.
Then Jolly raised a question none of us had thought of. He said, “These government caskets are air tight. How do we keep it from floating?”
All the high priced help including me sat there looking dumb. Then the Senior Chief stood and said, “Come on Jolly. I know a bar where the retired guys from World War II hang out.”
They returned a couple of hours later, slightly the worst for wear, and said, “It’s simple; we cut four 12″ holes in the outer shell of the casket on each side and insert 300 lbs of lead in the foot end of the casket. We can handle that, no sweat.”
The day arrived. The ship and the sailors looked razor sharp. General Bowser, the Admiral, a US Senator, and a Navy Band were on board. The sealed casket was brought aboard and taken below for modification. The ship got underway to the 12-fathom depth.
The sun was hot. The ocean flat. The casket was brought aft and placed on a catafalque. The Chaplin spoke. The volleys were fired. The flag was removed, folded, and I gave it to the father. The band played “Eternal Father Strong to Save.” The casket was raised slightly at the head and it slid into the sea.
The heavy casket plunged straight down about six feet. The incoming water collided with the air pockets in the outer shell. The casket stopped abruptly, rose straight out of the water about three feet, stopped, and slowly slipped back into the sea. The air bubbles rising from the sinking casket sparkled in the in the sunlight as the casket disappeared from sight forever.
The next morning I called a personal friend, Lieutenant General Oscar Peatross, at Headquarters Marine Corps and said, “General, get me the fuck out of here. I can’t take this shit anymore.” I was transferred two weeks later.
I was a good Marine but, after 17 years, I had seen too much death and too much suffering. I was used up.
Vacating the house, my family and I drove to the office in a two-car convoy. I said my goodbyes. Sergeant Jolly walked out with me. He waved at my family, looked at me with tears in his eyes, came to attention, saluted, and said, “Well Done, Colonel. Well Done.”
I felt as if I had received the Medal of Honor!
That is all
The Jewish Poker Club
Six retired Jewish Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyer loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.
At the end of the game, Finklestein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his vife?"
They cut the cards. Goldberg picks the low card and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."
Goldberg goes over to the Meyer's condo and knocks on the door. The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants? Goldberg declares: "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."
"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.
"I'll go tell him." says Goldberg.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.
At the end of the game, Finklestein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his vife?"
They cut the cards. Goldberg picks the low card and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."
Goldberg goes over to the Meyer's condo and knocks on the door. The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants? Goldberg declares: "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."
"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.
"I'll go tell him." says Goldberg.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
America's First Jet Flight, October, 1942
Note the NOT fancy test equipment . . ..
http://www.aircraftowner.com/videos/view/americas-first-jet-flight-october-1942_1617.html
http://www.aircraftowner.com/videos/view/americas-first-jet-flight-october-1942_1617.html
Poverty can be very lucrative.
Witness the fancy digs of Morris Dees, the famous attorney who formed the Southern Poverty Law Center, and won some mighty big cases. He was, to many, a hero of sorts.
It appears, however, that this hero is just a wee bit tarnished.
First, take a look at his beautiful home . . . then read the allegations recited (and acknowledged) in his divorce papers. A kinky attorney? Who'd a thunk it?
The Morris Dees Million Dollar Mansion: 60 photos. It is hard to believe the home Susan Starr and Morris Dees purchased upon their marriage 11 years ago was once a very small cottage originally built in 1923.
http://www.montgomeryadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/gallery?Avis=DS&Dato=20100325&Kategori=LIFESTYLE04&Lopenr=3250804&Ref=PH
Morris Dees Divorce Papers:
http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/files/morris_dees_divorce_papers.pdf
It appears, however, that this hero is just a wee bit tarnished.
First, take a look at his beautiful home . . . then read the allegations recited (and acknowledged) in his divorce papers. A kinky attorney? Who'd a thunk it?
The Morris Dees Million Dollar Mansion: 60 photos. It is hard to believe the home Susan Starr and Morris Dees purchased upon their marriage 11 years ago was once a very small cottage originally built in 1923.
http://www.montgomeryadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/gallery?Avis=DS&Dato=20100325&Kategori=LIFESTYLE04&Lopenr=3250804&Ref=PH
Morris Dees Divorce Papers:
http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/files/morris_dees_divorce_papers.pdf
The Hunters
Homer and Bubba were out hunting. Bubba said, "I'm gonna send my dog
into that marsh to see if there are any ducks out there." So he sends
his dog into the marsh. It comes out a few minutes later and barks twice.
"Well," says Bubba, "he says there are only two ducks in that marsh. I'm
not gonna wade through the swamp just for two ducks."
Homer is mystified. "You're gonna take that dog's barks for the truth?
Wait here. I'm gonna go look for myself."
Homer wades back out covered in mud and scum some time later and says,
"Damn! Your dog was right! There really were only two ducks out there!
Where on earth did you get that dog?"
Bubba shrugs and says, "Bought him from a breeder up the road. If you
want, you can go get one for yourself."
So Homer drives his pickup to the breeder's farm and says he wants a dog
like his friend Bubba's. The breeder goes out into his barn and returns
with a dog. Homer pays him, loads the dog into his truck, and takes off
for another marsh he's hunted in the past. Homer unloads the dog and
tells it to go out into that marsh and look for ducks. The dog turns
immediately and splashes into the water.
Several minutes later it came running out with a stick in its mouth and
began humping Homer's leg furiously.
Outraged, Homer takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is
a fraud! I want my money back!"
The breeder asks what the dog did? Homer said he told the dog to go look
for ducks and when it returned it had a stick in its mouth and humped
his leg.
The breeder sighed and said, "Homer, the dog was telling you there were
more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at."
into that marsh to see if there are any ducks out there." So he sends
his dog into the marsh. It comes out a few minutes later and barks twice.
"Well," says Bubba, "he says there are only two ducks in that marsh. I'm
not gonna wade through the swamp just for two ducks."
Homer is mystified. "You're gonna take that dog's barks for the truth?
Wait here. I'm gonna go look for myself."
Homer wades back out covered in mud and scum some time later and says,
"Damn! Your dog was right! There really were only two ducks out there!
Where on earth did you get that dog?"
Bubba shrugs and says, "Bought him from a breeder up the road. If you
want, you can go get one for yourself."
So Homer drives his pickup to the breeder's farm and says he wants a dog
like his friend Bubba's. The breeder goes out into his barn and returns
with a dog. Homer pays him, loads the dog into his truck, and takes off
for another marsh he's hunted in the past. Homer unloads the dog and
tells it to go out into that marsh and look for ducks. The dog turns
immediately and splashes into the water.
Several minutes later it came running out with a stick in its mouth and
began humping Homer's leg furiously.
Outraged, Homer takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is
a fraud! I want my money back!"
The breeder asks what the dog did? Homer said he told the dog to go look
for ducks and when it returned it had a stick in its mouth and humped
his leg.
The breeder sighed and said, "Homer, the dog was telling you there were
more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at."
Government, explained . . .
This is pretty well done---an excellent outline of government, in its various forms:
http://www.wimp.com/thegovernment
http://www.wimp.com/thegovernment
How Observant Are You? I scored 19
Think Test.. Give it a try...
CLICK ON THE BELOW LINK AND TAKE THE TEST.
THE NORMAL RATE IS 7 OUT OF 25.
GOOD LUCK!
BE SURE TO FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS. WITH YOUR SCORE IN THE SUBJECT LINE.
NOT MANY PEOPLE SCORE MORE THAN 7.
]http://www.oldjoeblack.0nyx.com/thinktst.htm
CLICK ON THE BELOW LINK AND TAKE THE TEST.
THE NORMAL RATE IS 7 OUT OF 25.
GOOD LUCK!
BE SURE TO FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS. WITH YOUR SCORE IN THE SUBJECT LINE.
NOT MANY PEOPLE SCORE MORE THAN 7.
]http://www.oldjoeblack.0nyx.com/thinktst.htm
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Three Norwegians
Three Norwegians go down to Mexico to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, Sven, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I yust graduated from St. Olaf College in Northfield Minnesota and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."
They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees; beg for Sven's forgiveness, and release him.
The second, Lars, is strapped in and gives his last words, "I yust graduated from da Concordia College in Moorhead, Minnesota and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.." They throw the switch and, again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately fall to their knees; beg for his forgiveness, and release him.
The last one, Ole, is strapped in and he says, "Vell, den, I'm from Nort' Dakota State in Fargo and I yust graduated vit a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this ting in."
They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees; beg for Sven's forgiveness, and release him.
The second, Lars, is strapped in and gives his last words, "I yust graduated from da Concordia College in Moorhead, Minnesota and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.." They throw the switch and, again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately fall to their knees; beg for his forgiveness, and release him.
The last one, Ole, is strapped in and he says, "Vell, den, I'm from Nort' Dakota State in Fargo and I yust graduated vit a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this ting in."
Dogs Just Know . . .
This curmudgeonly old editor has a big, proud grin on his face today.
I am feeling well, and I am proud of my puppy, Trixie.
Wasn't feeling so well at 5am this morning. Have no idea what it was, but something hit me in the gut and I had waves of nausea, had to get up three or four times and head for the porcelain fixture where I proceeded to hurl.
I very seldom get sick. It has to have been something I ate and I can't for the life of me figure out what it was. No matter. After about an hour, it was over.
Evelyn had heard me retching and got out of bed to see what was wrong. As always, she did whatever she could to comfort me . . . and, bless her heart, Trixie came to check out daddy as well. She knew something was wrong and gave me a gentle kiss and then just sat down beside me (at this point I had a pillow on the floor outside the john and was trying to sleep on the floor so I could be close to the rest room if my tummy rebelled again.) Evelyn insisted I get up and go back to bed, she got a large emesis basin (waste paper basket) and put it by the bed . . . and left me alone to try to get back to sleep. Little Trixie curled up right next to daddy and stood guard, ensuring no harm would befall her daddy. We both fell asleep . . . and I slept till 10:45am, which is unheard of for me, an early riser. Thankfully, no further tummy problems ensued.
Surprisingly, I felt great. Refreshed, healthy, raring to go. And Trixe was right there by my side. She approached me tetnatively, wanting to make sure I was okay now. I petted her, loved her, and told her how proud I was of her for knowing daddy was sick and staying by my side.
You won't find many people as loyal as your dog . . . or as understanding.
Dogs just know when you're ill, or when you're hurting.
I remember back when I was about 13 or 14, with another Trixie. I had broken my wrist while playing on the jungle gym at Monroe Junior High in Omaha, Nebraska. It was a bad break and they had to put me under with ether in order to set the wrist bones.
I got home and was sitting on the front porch, feeling like the saddest person in the world. And there was my other Trixie, just sitting on the sidewalk in front of me, looking up at me, with those beautiful brown and expressive eyes. That's when I distinctly remember receiving a message conveyed through those eyes. Trixie was say, "sorry you're hurting . . . but I'm right her for you if you need me. And I always will be."
Dogs just know.
And now, this morning . . . same thing. Trixie knew I wasn't feeling so hot and she made it known that she cared. She was loyal, she was dedicated, and she was nice and cozy as she cuddled in next to me.
I talk to dogs. I told her repeatedly how much I loved her, how much I admired her for standing by me, and how much she comforted me. She looked at me, with those wondrous eyes, and she seemed to know exactly what I was saying.
Dogs just know.
I am feeling well, and I am proud of my puppy, Trixie.
Wasn't feeling so well at 5am this morning. Have no idea what it was, but something hit me in the gut and I had waves of nausea, had to get up three or four times and head for the porcelain fixture where I proceeded to hurl.
I very seldom get sick. It has to have been something I ate and I can't for the life of me figure out what it was. No matter. After about an hour, it was over.
Evelyn had heard me retching and got out of bed to see what was wrong. As always, she did whatever she could to comfort me . . . and, bless her heart, Trixie came to check out daddy as well. She knew something was wrong and gave me a gentle kiss and then just sat down beside me (at this point I had a pillow on the floor outside the john and was trying to sleep on the floor so I could be close to the rest room if my tummy rebelled again.) Evelyn insisted I get up and go back to bed, she got a large emesis basin (waste paper basket) and put it by the bed . . . and left me alone to try to get back to sleep. Little Trixie curled up right next to daddy and stood guard, ensuring no harm would befall her daddy. We both fell asleep . . . and I slept till 10:45am, which is unheard of for me, an early riser. Thankfully, no further tummy problems ensued.
Surprisingly, I felt great. Refreshed, healthy, raring to go. And Trixe was right there by my side. She approached me tetnatively, wanting to make sure I was okay now. I petted her, loved her, and told her how proud I was of her for knowing daddy was sick and staying by my side.
You won't find many people as loyal as your dog . . . or as understanding.
Dogs just know when you're ill, or when you're hurting.
I remember back when I was about 13 or 14, with another Trixie. I had broken my wrist while playing on the jungle gym at Monroe Junior High in Omaha, Nebraska. It was a bad break and they had to put me under with ether in order to set the wrist bones.
I got home and was sitting on the front porch, feeling like the saddest person in the world. And there was my other Trixie, just sitting on the sidewalk in front of me, looking up at me, with those beautiful brown and expressive eyes. That's when I distinctly remember receiving a message conveyed through those eyes. Trixie was say, "sorry you're hurting . . . but I'm right her for you if you need me. And I always will be."
Dogs just know.
And now, this morning . . . same thing. Trixie knew I wasn't feeling so hot and she made it known that she cared. She was loyal, she was dedicated, and she was nice and cozy as she cuddled in next to me.
I talk to dogs. I told her repeatedly how much I loved her, how much I admired her for standing by me, and how much she comforted me. She looked at me, with those wondrous eyes, and she seemed to know exactly what I was saying.
Dogs just know.
Friday, February 25, 2011
The Second City Improv Show
We took in the touring act of The Second City Improv Group tonight at California's Center for the Arts, Escondido
Overall, I would rate the presentation a considerable amount better than just okay, but not a great show.
About 80-85% of the show is pre-written and acted out on stage, occasionally with great hilarity; only 15/20% are improvs, with suggestions called out from the audience and these were only "okay," and not all that funny.
Several set pieces got a lot of laughs. One, in particular, built upon the theme of a Mother Superior who had passed on, with 300 parishioners waiting in the vestibule to pay their respects. The priest searched through Mother Superior's cases and sought to come up with appropriate music to play for her memorial from her collection. come to find out, Mother Superior had a bawdy side to her and many of the recorded lyrics would have made a sailor brush. One song after another had the audience howling, including Evelyn and me.
Another set had one of the female actors being a hatchet-faced teacher, haranguing a class about their failure to sing "America the Beautiful" properly. She picked on the 'students' sitting in the audience, about five or six of them, and got a major audience participation act working, and working well.
Well done.
I would say about 60% of the show was pretty good, the remaining 40% was "okay."
It was a bit of a treat to see the facile minds and acting ability of the troupe.
I learned one thing of great importance. The Center for the Arts has equipment for the hearing impaired. As is well known by now, my puppy, Trixie, has a fetish for chewing up my hearing aids. As a consequence, I could hear the male actors in the first act, but not the female actors. At intermission I asked one of the ushers if they happened to have equipment for hearing impaired. Indeed, they did . . . and they have 20 of them available. The second act I heard every word, every syllable. Much more enjoyable. The equipment is linked to speakers throughout the house and the stage so the sound is dead solid perfect.
Even after I get my hearing aids back from the repair shop, I'm going to leave them home and ask for this equipment again, next time we visit the Center for the Arts. The hearing is far superior to what my hearing aids could ever hope to deliver.
Back to the performers: they had a beautiful closing set . . . lights came up, they all took bows, lights when dark.
Then, in my judgment, they made a mistake.
The show was over, it had ended well, on an upbeat basis and a great reception . . but, no, they had to come back with a clearly pre-planned encore (that the audience had not demanded with their applause).
The 'encore' ran too long, was not particularly funny. Bad timing, bad programming, bad ending to a show that had already had a 'perfect ending,' kinda like the salesman that talked so much he talked himself out of a sale.
Would I go back to see them again on their next tour? Probably. But it's not one of the better entertainments I've seen. I guess it would depend on what was on tv that night.
Overall, I would rate the presentation a considerable amount better than just okay, but not a great show.
About 80-85% of the show is pre-written and acted out on stage, occasionally with great hilarity; only 15/20% are improvs, with suggestions called out from the audience and these were only "okay," and not all that funny.
Several set pieces got a lot of laughs. One, in particular, built upon the theme of a Mother Superior who had passed on, with 300 parishioners waiting in the vestibule to pay their respects. The priest searched through Mother Superior's cases and sought to come up with appropriate music to play for her memorial from her collection. come to find out, Mother Superior had a bawdy side to her and many of the recorded lyrics would have made a sailor brush. One song after another had the audience howling, including Evelyn and me.
Another set had one of the female actors being a hatchet-faced teacher, haranguing a class about their failure to sing "America the Beautiful" properly. She picked on the 'students' sitting in the audience, about five or six of them, and got a major audience participation act working, and working well.
Well done.
I would say about 60% of the show was pretty good, the remaining 40% was "okay."
It was a bit of a treat to see the facile minds and acting ability of the troupe.
I learned one thing of great importance. The Center for the Arts has equipment for the hearing impaired. As is well known by now, my puppy, Trixie, has a fetish for chewing up my hearing aids. As a consequence, I could hear the male actors in the first act, but not the female actors. At intermission I asked one of the ushers if they happened to have equipment for hearing impaired. Indeed, they did . . . and they have 20 of them available. The second act I heard every word, every syllable. Much more enjoyable. The equipment is linked to speakers throughout the house and the stage so the sound is dead solid perfect.
Even after I get my hearing aids back from the repair shop, I'm going to leave them home and ask for this equipment again, next time we visit the Center for the Arts. The hearing is far superior to what my hearing aids could ever hope to deliver.
Back to the performers: they had a beautiful closing set . . . lights came up, they all took bows, lights when dark.
Then, in my judgment, they made a mistake.
The show was over, it had ended well, on an upbeat basis and a great reception . . but, no, they had to come back with a clearly pre-planned encore (that the audience had not demanded with their applause).
The 'encore' ran too long, was not particularly funny. Bad timing, bad programming, bad ending to a show that had already had a 'perfect ending,' kinda like the salesman that talked so much he talked himself out of a sale.
Would I go back to see them again on their next tour? Probably. But it's not one of the better entertainments I've seen. I guess it would depend on what was on tv that night.
Man About Town
John Pohlman, also known as HeWhoHasRetired, doesn’t spend a whole lot of time in his rocking chair.
Long ago, he tootled on a trumpet as part of The South Frisco Jazz Band playing at the Rouge et Noir coffee house in Seal Beach, California. The SFJB was an eight piece traditional jazz band featuring the sound of King Oliver's Creole Jazz Band of 1923 and Lu Watters' Yerba Buena Jazz Band of the 40's. Then known as Britt, his middle name, he retained his interest in music but found it necessary to go into the more traditional work force to earn a living as he married a sweet young thing and proceeded to raise a family.
”John
Always a great singer, as well as a trumpet player, he became a member of the Hidden Valley Kiwanis Club of Escondido and proceeded to teach those rascals how to sing. When he left, due to having to work in Orange County, the HV Kiwanis Club lost all sense of direction and hasn’t been able to sing one single song in tune ever since. Pohlman has been sought after as a new member of the Club ever since. So far, he has cleverly come up with many different excuses as to why he can’t possibly rejoin the club. (It might be that he doesn’t want to be associated with a group that sings so badly.)
Well, now that ol’ John has retired, he found himself with a whole lot of time, a bunch of fancy cameras, and since he had been an outstanding creative force with cameras, danged if he didn’t become a freelance photographer. Even formed a company ... called it Brittan, Inc. If that doesn’t sound like downtown, I don’t know what does.
John had better spend his time wisely for the next few months as come August he’ll likely have to ‘look busy.’ You see, that’s when his child bride also retires and there will be two Pohlmans in a retiring mood. One hopes they don’t get under one another’s feet and, somehow, they find fun things to do together.
Oh, yes. His retiring wife? You may have heard of her. She’s Suzanne Stewart Pohlman, the sweet gal who has so successfully headed up the Interfaith Community Services, Inc., for the last 28 years, which is a large non-profit organization dedicated to "helping people help themselves" in North San Diego County. Together, they have five wonderful children and eight talented and fun grandchildren.
If you happen to see ol’ John wandering around with either a trumpet or a camera in his hand, take pity on the old retired fella and either hire his band or commission him to go out and take some pictures for you. Either action on your part will keep this handsome gent occupied and out of trouble.
Speaking of handsome gents, another young man who has caught the attention of the community is that dashing young chiropractor, Dr. Stephen Heilman.
”Stephen
Dr. Steve, as I call him, is very active with his Escondido Kiwanis Club, being one of its past presidents. He is the Advisor for the Escondido High School Key Club (a high school training club for Kiwanis); he has accompanied its Key Club members to the Fall Rally at Magic Mountain for four years in a row and attended the District Convention in Sacramento last year.
A generous sort, he has also donated 10 1/2 gallons of blood at the San Diego Blood Bank. As a younger man, he used to do volunteer work for both 4H and FFA.
Keep an eye on this young man. Not only is he a brilliant young chiropractor, but he is a tremendous asset for the community.
Some other mighty nice folks we’ve run into while traipsing about town is members of the Hidden Valley Obedience Club, located out on East Valley Parkway, near the Humane Society and right next door to the dog park. While there, we met Diane MyLymuk, President and Trainer.
With the warm weather we’ve been experiencing, rattlesnakes have begun to come out. We’ve just acquired a new puppy within the past year and we want to get her trained to avoid rattlers, for her sake as well as ours.
Diane informed us they are having a rattlesnake avoidance clinic on Sat & Sun, April 9 & 10. The training teaches your dog to recognize and stay away from the scent, sound and sight of rattlesnakes. In Southern California rattlesnake bites are quite common, dangerous and often very expensive to treat. You may wish to protect yourself and your dog by registering for the clinic at www.hvoc.org/snakeclinic or call (760) 670-3700.
Regular readers of The Paper will recall our recent stories, and even a feature within the ads, of Victor, the Talking Dog, who could always be found at The Escondido Mattress Factory.
”Victor
Well, sad news.
We send our warmest hugs and deepest condolences to Ms. Laurie, Laurie Hippert, who had the sad duty of giving the green light to her veterinarian to put Victor down.
The poor Dachshund, it turns out, was loaded with cancer, had been ill for some time, and was having difficulty having any kind of life.
Those of us who have been owned and loved by puppies and dogs know what Laurie is going through right now, with the loss of her beloved companion, Victor. The two were inseperable and loved each other as only a dog and her lifetime pal can.
The hard part for those of us who know and love Laurie is that we recognize there’s very little we can do to ease her pain and sense of loss. We’re there to give her hugs, we’re there to let her weep on our shoulder, and we’re there to remember, with great affection, a mighty lucky and mighty happy dog who enjoyed the care, comfort and love of a beautiful lady.
Will Rogers probably summed it up best when he said, "If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
That’s how much we love the dogs who own our hearts.
Folks who don’t have, or have never had a dog, simply don’t know the love and deep devotion bestowed upon us by these affectionate creatures. Our puppies and dogs can say more with their eyes than the most eloquent human being.
That Laurie and Victor had so many happy years together should give her both some comfort now, and many memories to savor.
I wish I could say more to ease Laurie’s hurt . . . but words fail me.
Some other words of comfort, however:
“Sometimes he sits at your feet looking into your face with an expression so gentle and caressing that the depth of his gaze startles you. Who can believe that there is no soul behind those luminous eyes!"
Theophile Gautier
”Sam
And finally, Your Man About Town would like to throw a bouquet or two in the direction of Hizzoner, Mayor Sam Abed of Escondido.
He has moved out rather smartly after taking the helm as Escondido’s new Mayor. At his recent State of the City Speech he outlined his eight goals he hopes to accomplish during his term of office. (See story in Local News). All of his goals are laudable, and, hopefully, attainable. That he has a conservative council majority should aid him, and the residents of Escondido, in meeting those goals. Go Mayor Sam!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
"SHIFTY" - an incredible American Hero
SHIFTY DIED JAN 17, 2011..........
May God rest his soul.
"Shifty" By Chuck Yeager
Shifty volunteered for the airborne in WWII and served with Easy
Company of the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, part of the 101st
Airborne Infantry. If you've seen Band of Brothers on HBO or the
History Channel, you know Shifty. His character appears in all 10
episodes, and Shifty himself is interviewed in several of them.
I met Shifty in the Philadelphia airport several years ago. I didn't
know who he was at the time. I just saw an elderly gentleman having
trouble reading his ticket. I offered to help, assured him that he was
at the right gate, and noticed the "Screaming Eagle," the symbol of
the 101st Airborne, on his hat.
Making conversation, I asked him if he d been in the 101st Airborne
or if his son was serving. He said quietly that he had been in the
101st. I thanked him for his service, then asked him when he served,
and how many jumps he made.
Quietly and humbly, he said "Well, I guess I signed up in 1941 or so,
and was in until sometime in 1945 ... " at which point my heart
skipped.
At that point, again, very humbly, he said "I made the 5 training
jumps at Toccoa, and then jumped into Normandy . . . do you know
where Normandy is?" At this point my heart stopped.
I told him "yes, I know exactly where Normandy is, and I know what
D-Day was." At that point he said "I also made a second jump into
Holland , into Arnhem ." I was standing with a genuine war hero ...
and then I realized that it was June, just after the anniversary of
D-Day.
I asked Shifty if he was on his way back from France, and he said
"Yes.... And it ' s real sad because, these days, so few of the guys are
left, and those that are, lots of them can't make the trip." My heart
was in my throat and I didn't know what to say.
I helped Shifty get onto the plane and then realized he was back in
Coach while I was in First Class. I sent the flight attendant back to
get him and said that I wanted to switch seats. When Shifty came
forward, I got up out of the seat and told him I wanted him to have
it, that I'd take his in coach.
He said "No, son, you enjoy that seat. Just knowing that there are
still some who remember what we did and who still care is enough to
make an old man very happy." His eyes were filling up as he said it.
And mine are brimming up now as I write this.
Shifty died on Jan. l7 after fighting cancer.
There was no parade. No big event in Staples Center ..
No wall to wall back to back 24x7 news coverage.
No weeping fans on television.
And that's not right!
Let's give Shifty his own Memorial Service, online, in our own quiet way.
Please forward this email to everyone you know. Especially to the veterans.
Rest in peace, Shifty.
Chuck Yeager, Maj Gen. [ret.]
P.S. I think that it is amazing how the "media" chooses our "heroes" these days...
Michael Jackson & the like!
American
Mohammed entered his classroom on the first day of school.
"What's your name?" asked the teacher.
"Mohammed," he replied.
"You're in America now," replied the teacher, "So from now on you will be known as Kevin."
Mohammed returned home after school.
"How was your day, Mohammed?" his mother asked.
"My name is not Mohammed. I'm in America and now my name is Kevin."
"Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!" And his mother beat him.
Then she called his father, who beat him again.
The next day Mohammed returned to school. The teacher saw all of his bruises.
"What happened to you, Kevin?² she asked.
Well ma'am, shortly after becoming an American, I was attacked by two fuckin' Arabs.
"What's your name?" asked the teacher.
"Mohammed," he replied.
"You're in America now," replied the teacher, "So from now on you will be known as Kevin."
Mohammed returned home after school.
"How was your day, Mohammed?" his mother asked.
"My name is not Mohammed. I'm in America and now my name is Kevin."
"Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!" And his mother beat him.
Then she called his father, who beat him again.
The next day Mohammed returned to school. The teacher saw all of his bruises.
"What happened to you, Kevin?² she asked.
Well ma'am, shortly after becoming an American, I was attacked by two fuckin' Arabs.
Electric cars: A sparky new motor | The Economist
A fascinating commentary from my pal, Kent Ballard. He's a journeyman machinist,
understands more about electrial things than most of us .. . and is a damned
good writer.
Here's his take on electric cars:
Electric cars are a wonderful idea. So is an ant-igravity device you
could hook on to heavy things to move them around with ease.
Neither has been invented yet.
General Motors would have sworn by all that's holy they could build
either one if it meant their survival. As for the other car companies, I
imagine it's much the same.
The first Toyota Prius models are now approaching the lifespan of their
batteries. When owners hear what it will cost to replace them, there
will be a glut of dead Priuses (Priuss? Priuri?A buncha cars with Prius
badges.) on the used car market. They'll eventually be melted down to
make ice skates or tin flutes. Who would buy a used car with such an
outrageous price knowing they have to pay even a great deal more to
power a very limited-range automobile? The way I see it, no one is
looking ahead here. I see absolutely no market for used electric
vehicles in any appreciable numbers. To my way of thinking, any and all
electric vehicles that have even been hinted at so far will eventually
cost the consumer more per mile than a gas or diesel powered version.
Then there's the small problem of literally running out of juice on a
hard winter's night while the driver is still six miles from his
workplace or home. A few times of that happening and families will begin
to rethink their "green wisdom" about buying the thing in the first place.
The battery technology simply does not exist now. They can use all the
propaganda they want (and they'll do it, too), they can say their target
market is the urban or suburban driver, and they will sell a few cars to
those who haven't thought this out. What will happen to a person at home
when they get an emergency phone call just after they plugged their car
in for its long recharge and another family member is out in their
"primary" gas-powered car? They will suddenly realize there's a ton and
a half of useless metal and plastic taking up space in their garage. It
wouldn't take much imagination to think of a hundred similar scenarios.
What about one-car families? I hope they like being groped by TSA thugs
or have an Amtrak schedule handy, because they will never be able to
take that very expensive car on a vacation. Again, useless. No--worse
than useless. Mere uselessness doesn't often cost forty thousand dollars.
Have you heard any rumors about an electric pickup truck? Neither have
I. Imagine a pickup being advertised by loud announcers and show girls
on TV claiming to get 200 miles to the charge. The fine print will say,
"Only when not carrying cargo or towing." Throw a grand piano in the
back and a few 50 pound bags of dog food. That 200 miles will suddenly
turn into about 40.
When it's dark or stormy, we turn on our lights. More power loss. We
need heaters so we don't freeze to death behind the wheel. Still more
power loss. Each one of them cuts range. Will playing the radio become a
decision for someone trying to get home in one of these things? And more
pulling power costs a great deal more in amperage. Imagine a current
Prius powerplant in a four wheel drive work truck that must drive
through deep mud and snow, carrying at least two fully grown men and
1,500 pounds of cargo. Now imagine it's dark and they have the heater
on. I hope they don't become stuck in a drift and hope to winch
themselves out. Then again, they couldn't go far enough not to simply
walk back to their shop or farm anyway.
Star Trek is a dandy show, one of my favorites. None of those gizmos
have been invented yet. But the public, moviegoers and TV aficionados
all, have allowed themselves to blur the line between that which is
physically possible today, and that which is not. And they're allowing
the PR departments of major car corporations to feed on that. We'd all
like electric cars. Hell, I'd like an electric pickup truck, given a
sustained supply of high amperage in a lifelong battery that could
recharge in the time it takes me to fill the tank on my gas truck--and
assuming it wouldn't cost as much as a house.
But we simply don't have the technology yet. We're not even close to
having that kind of technology.
Kent
understands more about electrial things than most of us .. . and is a damned
good writer.
Here's his take on electric cars:
Electric cars are a wonderful idea. So is an ant-igravity device you
could hook on to heavy things to move them around with ease.
Neither has been invented yet.
General Motors would have sworn by all that's holy they could build
either one if it meant their survival. As for the other car companies, I
imagine it's much the same.
The first Toyota Prius models are now approaching the lifespan of their
batteries. When owners hear what it will cost to replace them, there
will be a glut of dead Priuses (Priuss? Priuri?A buncha cars with Prius
badges.) on the used car market. They'll eventually be melted down to
make ice skates or tin flutes. Who would buy a used car with such an
outrageous price knowing they have to pay even a great deal more to
power a very limited-range automobile? The way I see it, no one is
looking ahead here. I see absolutely no market for used electric
vehicles in any appreciable numbers. To my way of thinking, any and all
electric vehicles that have even been hinted at so far will eventually
cost the consumer more per mile than a gas or diesel powered version.
Then there's the small problem of literally running out of juice on a
hard winter's night while the driver is still six miles from his
workplace or home. A few times of that happening and families will begin
to rethink their "green wisdom" about buying the thing in the first place.
The battery technology simply does not exist now. They can use all the
propaganda they want (and they'll do it, too), they can say their target
market is the urban or suburban driver, and they will sell a few cars to
those who haven't thought this out. What will happen to a person at home
when they get an emergency phone call just after they plugged their car
in for its long recharge and another family member is out in their
"primary" gas-powered car? They will suddenly realize there's a ton and
a half of useless metal and plastic taking up space in their garage. It
wouldn't take much imagination to think of a hundred similar scenarios.
What about one-car families? I hope they like being groped by TSA thugs
or have an Amtrak schedule handy, because they will never be able to
take that very expensive car on a vacation. Again, useless. No--worse
than useless. Mere uselessness doesn't often cost forty thousand dollars.
Have you heard any rumors about an electric pickup truck? Neither have
I. Imagine a pickup being advertised by loud announcers and show girls
on TV claiming to get 200 miles to the charge. The fine print will say,
"Only when not carrying cargo or towing." Throw a grand piano in the
back and a few 50 pound bags of dog food. That 200 miles will suddenly
turn into about 40.
When it's dark or stormy, we turn on our lights. More power loss. We
need heaters so we don't freeze to death behind the wheel. Still more
power loss. Each one of them cuts range. Will playing the radio become a
decision for someone trying to get home in one of these things? And more
pulling power costs a great deal more in amperage. Imagine a current
Prius powerplant in a four wheel drive work truck that must drive
through deep mud and snow, carrying at least two fully grown men and
1,500 pounds of cargo. Now imagine it's dark and they have the heater
on. I hope they don't become stuck in a drift and hope to winch
themselves out. Then again, they couldn't go far enough not to simply
walk back to their shop or farm anyway.
Star Trek is a dandy show, one of my favorites. None of those gizmos
have been invented yet. But the public, moviegoers and TV aficionados
all, have allowed themselves to blur the line between that which is
physically possible today, and that which is not. And they're allowing
the PR departments of major car corporations to feed on that. We'd all
like electric cars. Hell, I'd like an electric pickup truck, given a
sustained supply of high amperage in a lifelong battery that could
recharge in the time it takes me to fill the tank on my gas truck--and
assuming it wouldn't cost as much as a house.
But we simply don't have the technology yet. We're not even close to
having that kind of technology.
Kent
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Words to live by . . .
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
<><>
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
<><>
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..
- Mark Twain
<><>
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns
<><>
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
<><>
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
<><>
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
<><>
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
<><>
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
<><>
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
<><>
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
<><>
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
<><>
Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
<><>
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
- Joe Namath
<><>
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
<><>
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
- W. C. Fields
<><>
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
<><>
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
<><>
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller
<><>
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
<><>
And the cardiologist' s diet: - If it tastes good spit it out.
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
<><>
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
<><>
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..
- Mark Twain
<><>
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns
<><>
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
<><>
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
<><>
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
<><>
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
<><>
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
<><>
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
<><>
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
<><>
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
<><>
Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
<><>
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
- Joe Namath
<><>
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
<><>
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
- W. C. Fields
<><>
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
<><>
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
<><>
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller
<><>
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
<><>
And the cardiologist' s diet: - If it tastes good spit it out.
The Honorable Profession of Law . . .
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where's the money?
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido where's the money?.
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about" The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him.." Guido signs back, "OK.!!!! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where's the money?
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido where's the money?.
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about" The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him.." Guido signs back, "OK.!!!! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
The Shredder
A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned on the machine, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy."
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned on the machine, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy."
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Norwegian Ingenuity
Here is what a REAL Norwegian does when his tractor gets stuck!
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2011/how-to-get-tractor-out-of-mud-p1.php
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2011/how-to-get-tractor-out-of-mud-p1.php
Confessons of a Pharmaceutical Industry Rep:
The video is in English but with Spanish subtitles. "Confessions of a Pharmaceutical Industry Rep:"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIWuEAFlg1Y&feature=youtube_gdata_player
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIWuEAFlg1Y&feature=youtube_gdata_player
This is in our NEAR future!
Corning is the major producer of specialty glass and ceramics. This is
how they see the future role of glass in our daily life. Most of these
products are already commercialized.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Cf7IL_eZ38
how they see the future role of glass in our daily life. Most of these
products are already commercialized.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Cf7IL_eZ38
How to tell a joke
They're all gone now, Ed, Buddy, Johnny. But here's a class example of Buddy Hackett:
The Diamonds . . . After
These are the Diamonds today. I saw them live, recently. They still are magnificent!
Great Counseling is Outstanding!
Ellen and her husband Bob went for counseling after 25
years of marriage. When asked what the problem was,
Ellen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing
every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they
had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy,
emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable,
an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured
over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient
length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the
desk and after asking Ellen to stand, embraced her,
unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her
breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing
her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a
raised eyebrow!
Ellen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly
sat down while basking in the glow of being highly
aroused.
The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what
your wife needs at least three times a week...
Can you do this?'
Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can
drop her off here on Mondays and Fridays, but on
Wednesday, I play golf.
years of marriage. When asked what the problem was,
Ellen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing
every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they
had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy,
emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable,
an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured
over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient
length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the
desk and after asking Ellen to stand, embraced her,
unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her
breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing
her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a
raised eyebrow!
Ellen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly
sat down while basking in the glow of being highly
aroused.
The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what
your wife needs at least three times a week...
Can you do this?'
Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can
drop her off here on Mondays and Fridays, but on
Wednesday, I play golf.
Monday, February 21, 2011
The wit of the Scots - Golfer's Beware!
An elderly Scottish Jew has decided to take it a little easier and take up golf. So he puts his name down at the local club.
After a week he receives a message that his application has been turned down. So he goes down to the club to inquire why.
Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?
Scot: Aye but I am as Scottish as you are Jock.
Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear kilts.
Scot: Aye, so do I.
Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under our kilts?
Scot: Aye, neither do I.
Secretary: But you are a Jew?
Scot: Aye, I be that.
Secretary: So you are circumcised?
Scot: Aye, I be that too.
Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that.
Scot: Ach, away with ya man. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen.
And I know that you have to be a Catholic to become a Knight of Saint Columbus. But this is the first time I heard that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club.
After a week he receives a message that his application has been turned down. So he goes down to the club to inquire why.
Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?
Scot: Aye but I am as Scottish as you are Jock.
Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear kilts.
Scot: Aye, so do I.
Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under our kilts?
Scot: Aye, neither do I.
Secretary: But you are a Jew?
Scot: Aye, I be that.
Secretary: So you are circumcised?
Scot: Aye, I be that too.
Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that.
Scot: Ach, away with ya man. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen.
And I know that you have to be a Catholic to become a Knight of Saint Columbus. But this is the first time I heard that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club.
Dancing at the Movies
Great video!
Makes me wonder, though, where are the dancing stars of today or in the future? Where are the Gene Kelly's, the Donald O'Connors, the Hines, Hines and Dad, the Fred Astaires?
We don't see much of them anymore. We also don't see Variety Shows on tv anymore . . . no Carol Burnett's, Ed Sullivan, Steve Allen, . . . . guess I'm old, but I miss 'em all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYL3j27sSH8
Makes me wonder, though, where are the dancing stars of today or in the future? Where are the Gene Kelly's, the Donald O'Connors, the Hines, Hines and Dad, the Fred Astaires?
We don't see much of them anymore. We also don't see Variety Shows on tv anymore . . . no Carol Burnett's, Ed Sullivan, Steve Allen, . . . . guess I'm old, but I miss 'em all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYL3j27sSH8
Scottish Folk Song
Only 2:28 long but answers the old question....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZ35SOU9HTM&feature=player_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZ35SOU9HTM&feature=player_embedded
MSNBC Oooops!
The MSNBC crew, especially the moderator, are dumb-stricken!... beautiful...
"One and done" is my prediction of this guest's probability for any future MSNBC appearance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9sMo-LTdSc
"One and done" is my prediction of this guest's probability for any future MSNBC appearance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9sMo-LTdSc
I miss Bill Clinton
I forward this to all my pals because it is mildly amusing.
However, I note in the news yesterday that Bill Clinton was rated by a national poll as the third highest rating as Best President of the United States, following Ronald Reagan and Abraham Lincoln. Don't remember the fourth rated but the fifth was George Washington.
This poll at least vindicates lyle in that I have maintained from the get-go that Clinton will go down as one of our greatest Presidents. I really don't care, nor never have cared, what he does with his private life. None of my business. I don't particularly admire his taste in women but, then, that is his business as well.
I think, overall, he governed well. He is one of the most articulate and persuasive speakers I've ever heard. He is handsome (well, he's no lyle davis, but still . . .), seems to get the job done, and hires talented people to assist him.
It will come as no surprise to folks who know lyle and evelyn that evelyn totally disagrees with lyle as to the merits of the beloved President Clinton. (I'm not sure, but I think she's a rock-ribbed Republican).
So . . . different strokes for different folks. That's my take on Clinton, here is someone elses:
It doesn't matter what party you belong to-this is hilarious. From a show on Canadian TV, there was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton.
"Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a real black man as President.
Number 1 - He played the sax.
Number 2 - He smoked weed.
Number 3 - He had his way with lotsa ugly white women.
Even now? Look at him...his wife works, and he don't! And, he gets a check from the government every month. Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America 's shelves this week with " Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations' distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada .
When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, "I don't know, I never had one."
The Clinton revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."
Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky Panky between the Bushes."
The Value of a Second Opinion
While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there. A week after arriving back home in the Melbourne, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, 'I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it.'
The man looks a little perplexed and says, 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.'
The doctor answers, 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis.'
The man screams in horror, 'Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.'
The doctor replies, 'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice.'
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, 'Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.'
The guy says to the doctor, 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My Australian doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!'
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. 'Stupid Australian docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!'
Oh, Thank God!' the man replies.
'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor, 'wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!'
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, 'I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it.'
The man looks a little perplexed and says, 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.'
The doctor answers, 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis.'
The man screams in horror, 'Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.'
The doctor replies, 'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice.'
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, 'Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.'
The guy says to the doctor, 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My Australian doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!'
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. 'Stupid Australian docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!'
Oh, Thank God!' the man replies.
'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor, 'wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!'
Travelin' . . .southern style
One morning 3 South Carolina good ole boys and 3 Yankees were in a ticket line at the Greenville train station heading to Charlotte for a big football game.
The 3 Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the 3 Southerners bought just one ticket among them.
"How are the 3 of you going to travel on one 1 ticket?" asked one of the Yankees. "Watch and learn" answered one of the boys from the South.
When the 6 travelers boarded the train, the 3 Yankees sat down, but the 3 Southerners crammed into a bathroom together and closed the door.
Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets. He knocked on the bathroom door and said, "tickets please." the door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The Conductor took it and moved on.
The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea.. Indeed, so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.
That evening after the game when they got to the Charlotte train station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip while to their astonishment the 3 Southerners didn't buy even 1 ticket.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed Yankees. "Watch and learn", answered one of the Southern boys.
When they boarded the train the 3 Northerners crammed themselves into a bathroom and the 3 Southerners crammed themselves into the other bathroom across from it.
Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their bathroom and walked quietly over to the Yankee's bathroom. He knocked on the door and said "ticket please".
There's just no way on God's green earth to explain how the Yankees won the war...
The 3 Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the 3 Southerners bought just one ticket among them.
"How are the 3 of you going to travel on one 1 ticket?" asked one of the Yankees. "Watch and learn" answered one of the boys from the South.
When the 6 travelers boarded the train, the 3 Yankees sat down, but the 3 Southerners crammed into a bathroom together and closed the door.
Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets. He knocked on the bathroom door and said, "tickets please." the door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The Conductor took it and moved on.
The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea.. Indeed, so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.
That evening after the game when they got to the Charlotte train station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip while to their astonishment the 3 Southerners didn't buy even 1 ticket.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed Yankees. "Watch and learn", answered one of the Southern boys.
When they boarded the train the 3 Northerners crammed themselves into a bathroom and the 3 Southerners crammed themselves into the other bathroom across from it.
Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their bathroom and walked quietly over to the Yankee's bathroom. He knocked on the door and said "ticket please".
There's just no way on God's green earth to explain how the Yankees won the war...
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Scottish Golf Sign
Here is, allegedly, an actual sign posted at a
golf club in Scotland UK:
1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT,
FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG,
LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
WELL DONE!
NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE,
AND TEE OFF
=
golf club in Scotland UK:
1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT,
FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG,
LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
WELL DONE!
NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE,
AND TEE OFF
=
Q&A - The Wisconsin Protests and What the Mean for the Nation USA Today.com
This is an excellent explanation of the issues in Wisconsin's Governors attempt to do away with collective bargaining in punlic employee unions.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2011-02-20-union-wisconsin-qanda_N.htm
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2011-02-20-union-wisconsin-qanda_N.htm
The Surfing Sermon
The minister and his wife were having breakfast on a Sunday morning. He remarked, that his sermon, today would be on surfing. She asked “Why surfing ? You don’t know anything about that subject ?” He replied “I’ve made up my mind, that’s what I’m going to talk about !” So, she let it go at that.
On his way to church he had second thoughts and decided to give his old “Sex in Marriage” sermon instead. It was received well by the congregation, and one lady in particular was so inspired that she rushed over to the minister’s house, arriving before he did and told the wife how much she had enjoyed the sermon. The wife replied, “Oh, he really doesn’t know much about that subject. He’s only tried it twice and he fell off both times”.
On his way to church he had second thoughts and decided to give his old “Sex in Marriage” sermon instead. It was received well by the congregation, and one lady in particular was so inspired that she rushed over to the minister’s house, arriving before he did and told the wife how much she had enjoyed the sermon. The wife replied, “Oh, he really doesn’t know much about that subject. He’s only tried it twice and he fell off both times”.
Why Paddy's not at work today . . .
Why Paddy's not at work today..
Sure, and tis the very best version of this I have yet heard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fx7aoEBtPXA
Sure, and tis the very best version of this I have yet heard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fx7aoEBtPXA
Saturday, February 19, 2011
They Killed!
It is Saturday night, 10:50pm, and I just finished a glass of wine in celebration of tonight's event.
We presented 'Creedence Relived,' a Creedence Clearwater Revival Tribute Band that absolutely killed the audience, as I knew they would.
We had people dancing in the aisles, waving their hands, clapping their hands, tapping their toes, and singing along with the music.
I have discovered a great group and we will book them again in other venues.
Right now, I'm a bit deflated. Tired. Physically and emotionally exhausted from working on the promotion of this show and pulling it off. But it's a good feeling of being tired. A contented feeling.
We had a last minute technical glitch but our sound/light engineers were able to solve it before show time. Show time was 7:30pm and at 7:30pm . . . the show started! (That's a big cockleburr with me. If a show is supposed to start at 8pm, it damned well better start at 8pm or I will glare at many technicians and talent. This cast and crew were a delight to work with.)
We didn't sell as many tickets as we had hoped but will still generate a small profit. The CEO and founder of Escondido Charter High School, Dennis "Coach" Snyder, has committed to me that he wants to present a continuous series of concerts. So, it looks like I have suddenly become a concert promoter. In fact, while I was there tonight, after the show, he hired tonight's band to come in and play for an assembly of his students. I think this venue will become known for bringing in great music at affordable prices ($20 to $30, tops, per ticket).
Now . . . the wine is kicking in and I'm getting drowsy . . . so it's off to beddy bye for the Impresario.
'Nite.
We presented 'Creedence Relived,' a Creedence Clearwater Revival Tribute Band that absolutely killed the audience, as I knew they would.
We had people dancing in the aisles, waving their hands, clapping their hands, tapping their toes, and singing along with the music.
I have discovered a great group and we will book them again in other venues.
Right now, I'm a bit deflated. Tired. Physically and emotionally exhausted from working on the promotion of this show and pulling it off. But it's a good feeling of being tired. A contented feeling.
We had a last minute technical glitch but our sound/light engineers were able to solve it before show time. Show time was 7:30pm and at 7:30pm . . . the show started! (That's a big cockleburr with me. If a show is supposed to start at 8pm, it damned well better start at 8pm or I will glare at many technicians and talent. This cast and crew were a delight to work with.)
We didn't sell as many tickets as we had hoped but will still generate a small profit. The CEO and founder of Escondido Charter High School, Dennis "Coach" Snyder, has committed to me that he wants to present a continuous series of concerts. So, it looks like I have suddenly become a concert promoter. In fact, while I was there tonight, after the show, he hired tonight's band to come in and play for an assembly of his students. I think this venue will become known for bringing in great music at affordable prices ($20 to $30, tops, per ticket).
Now . . . the wine is kicking in and I'm getting drowsy . . . so it's off to beddy bye for the Impresario.
'Nite.
Catholic Gasoline
SISTER MARY ANN'S GASOLINE
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street.. One of them turned to the other and said,
'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic!'
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street.. One of them turned to the other and said,
'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic!'
Lewis and Clark Expedition
One of the coolest videos I've ever seen:
http://www.network54.com/Forum/451309/thread/1296928404/This+is+just+to+cool
http://www.network54.com/Forum/451309/thread/1296928404/This+is+just+to+cool
A commentary on the Jews and Israel
I found this to be a fascinating and well written commentary:
Joe McCain, Senator McCain’s brother, on Jews and Israel .
We know little about him, other than he is a retired reporter.
This is what he wrote. Definitely worth reading...
-----------------------------------
Senator John McCain's brother on the Jews & Israel.
There is a lot of worry popping up in the media just now -- 'Can Israel Survive?' Don't worry about it. It relates to something that Palestinians, the Arabs, and perhaps most Americans don't realize -- the Jews are NEVER going quietly again. NEVER. And if the world doesn't come to understand that, then MILLIONS OF ARABS ARE GOING TO DIE. It's as simple as that.
Throughout the history of the world, the most abused, kicked-around race of people have been the Jews. Not just during the holocaust of World War II, but for THOUSANDS of years. They have truly been 'The Chosen People' in a terrible and tragic sense.
The Bible story of Egypt 's enslavement of the Jews is not just a story, IT IS HISTORY, if festooned with theological legend and heroic epics. In 70 A .D. the Romans, which had for a long time tolerated the Jews -- even admired them as 'superior' to other vassals -- tired of their truculent demands for independence and decided on an early 'Solution' to the Jewish problem Jerusalem was sacked and reduced to near rubble, Jewish resistance was pursued and crushed by the implacable Roman War Machine -- see 'Masada'.
And thus began The Diaspora, the DISPERSAL OF JEWS throughout the rest f the world..
Their homeland destroyed, their culture crushed, they looked desperately for the few niches in a hostile world where they could be safe. That safety was fragile, and often subject to the whims of moody hosts. The words 'pogrom', 'ghetto', and 'anti-Semitism' come from this treatment of the first mono-theistic people. Throughout Europe , changing times meant sometimes tolerance, sometimes even warmth for the Jews, but eventually it meant hostility, then malevolence. There is not a country in Europe or Western Asia that at one time or another has not decided to lash out against the children of Moses, sometimes by whim, sometimes by manipulation.
Winston Churchill calls Edward I one of England 's very greatest kings. It was under his rule in the late 1200's that Wales and Cornwall were hammered into the British crown, and Scotland and Ireland were invaded and occupied.
He was also the first European monarch to set up a really effective administrative bureaucracy, surveyed and censused his kingdom, established laws and political divisions. But he also embraced the Jews.
Actually Edward didn't embrace Jews so much as he embraced their money. For the English Jews had acquired wealth -- understandable, because these people that could not own land or office, could not join most of the trades and professions, soon found out that money was a very good thing to accumulate. Much harder to take away than land or a store, was a hidden sock of gold and silver coins. Ever resourceful, Edward found a way -- he borrowed money from the Jews to finance imperial ambitions in Europe, especially France . The loans were almost certainly not made gladly, but how do you refuse your King? Especially when he is 'Edward the Hammer'. Then, rather than pay back the debt, Edward simply expelled the Jews. Edward was especially inventive-- he did this twice. After a time, he invited the Jews back to their English homeland, borrowed more money, then expelled them again.
Most people do not know that Spain was one of the early entrants into The Renaissance. People from all over the world came to Spain in the late medieval period. All were welcome -- Arabs, Jews, other Europeans. The University of Salamanca was one of the great centers of learning in the world -- scholars of all nations, all fields came to Salamanca to share their knowledge and their ideas. But in 1492, Ferdinand and Isabella, having driven the last of Moors from the Spanish Shield, were persuaded by the righteous fundamentalists of the time to announce 'The Act of Purification'.
A series of steps were taken in which all Jews and Arabs and other non-Christians were expelled from the country, or would face the tools and the torches of The Inquisition. From this 'cleansing' come the Sephardic Jews -- as opposed to the Ashkenazis of Eastern Europe . In Eastern Europe , the sporadic violence and brutality against Jews are common knowledge.
'Fiddler' without the music and the folksy humor. At times of fury, no accommodation by the Jew was good enough, no profile low enough, no village poor enough or distant enough.
>From these come the near-steady flow of Jews to the United States . And despite the disdain of the Jews by most 'American' Americans, they came to grab the American Dream with both hands, and contributed everything from new ideas of enterprise in retail and entertainment to becoming some of our finest physicians and lawyers. The modern United States , in spite of itself, IS The United States in part because of its Jewish blood.
Then the Nazi Holocaust -- the corralling, sorting, orderly eradication of millions of the people of Moses. Not something that other realms in other times didn't try to do, by the way, the Germans were just more organized and had better murder technology..
I stood in the center of Dachau for an entire day, about 15 years ago, trying to comprehend how this could have happened. I had gone there on a side trip from Munich , vaguely curious about this Dachau . I soon became engulfed in the enormity of what had occurred there nestled in this middle and working class neighborhood.
How could human beings do this to other human beings, hear their cries, their pleas, their terror, their pain, and continue without apparently even wincing? I no longer wonder. At some times, some places, ANY sect of the human race is capable of horrors against their fellow man, whether a member of the Waffen SS, a Serbian sniper, a Turkish policeman in 1920's Armenia, a Mississippi Klansman. Because even in the United States not all was a Rose Garden. For a long time Jews had quotas in our universities and graduate schools. Only so many Jews could be in a medical or law school at one time.
Jews were disparaged widely. I remember as a kid Jewish jokes told without a wince - 'Why do Jews have such big noses?'
Well, now the Jews have a homeland again. A place that is theirs. And that's the point. It doesn't matter how many times the United States and European powers try to rein in Israel, if it comes down to survival of its nation, its people, they will fight like no lioness has ever fought to save her cubs. They will fight with a ferocity, a determination, and a skill, that will astound us.
And many will die, mostly their attackers, I believe. If there were a macabre historical betting parlor, my money would be on the Israelis to be standing at the end. As we killed the kamikazes and the Wehrmacht soldaten of World War II, so will the Israelis kill their suicidal attackers, until there are not enough to torment them.
The irony goes unnoticed -- while we are hammering away to punish those who brought the horrors of last September here, we restrain the Israelis from the same retaliation. Not the same thing, of course -- We are We, They are They. While we mourn and see the at September 11th, we don't notice that Israel has a September 11th sometimes every day.
We may not notice, but it doesn't make any difference. And it doesn't make any difference whether you are pro-Israeli or you think Israel is the bully of the Middle East . If it comes to where a new holocaust looms -- with or without the concurrence of the United States and Europe -- Israel will lash out without pause or restraint at those who would try to annihilate their country.
The Jews will not go quietly again.
Joe McCain
Joe McCain, Senator McCain’s brother, on Jews and Israel .
We know little about him, other than he is a retired reporter.
This is what he wrote. Definitely worth reading...
-----------------------------------
Senator John McCain's brother on the Jews & Israel.
There is a lot of worry popping up in the media just now -- 'Can Israel Survive?' Don't worry about it. It relates to something that Palestinians, the Arabs, and perhaps most Americans don't realize -- the Jews are NEVER going quietly again. NEVER. And if the world doesn't come to understand that, then MILLIONS OF ARABS ARE GOING TO DIE. It's as simple as that.
Throughout the history of the world, the most abused, kicked-around race of people have been the Jews. Not just during the holocaust of World War II, but for THOUSANDS of years. They have truly been 'The Chosen People' in a terrible and tragic sense.
The Bible story of Egypt 's enslavement of the Jews is not just a story, IT IS HISTORY, if festooned with theological legend and heroic epics. In 70 A .D. the Romans, which had for a long time tolerated the Jews -- even admired them as 'superior' to other vassals -- tired of their truculent demands for independence and decided on an early 'Solution' to the Jewish problem Jerusalem was sacked and reduced to near rubble, Jewish resistance was pursued and crushed by the implacable Roman War Machine -- see 'Masada'.
And thus began The Diaspora, the DISPERSAL OF JEWS throughout the rest f the world..
Their homeland destroyed, their culture crushed, they looked desperately for the few niches in a hostile world where they could be safe. That safety was fragile, and often subject to the whims of moody hosts. The words 'pogrom', 'ghetto', and 'anti-Semitism' come from this treatment of the first mono-theistic people. Throughout Europe , changing times meant sometimes tolerance, sometimes even warmth for the Jews, but eventually it meant hostility, then malevolence. There is not a country in Europe or Western Asia that at one time or another has not decided to lash out against the children of Moses, sometimes by whim, sometimes by manipulation.
Winston Churchill calls Edward I one of England 's very greatest kings. It was under his rule in the late 1200's that Wales and Cornwall were hammered into the British crown, and Scotland and Ireland were invaded and occupied.
He was also the first European monarch to set up a really effective administrative bureaucracy, surveyed and censused his kingdom, established laws and political divisions. But he also embraced the Jews.
Actually Edward didn't embrace Jews so much as he embraced their money. For the English Jews had acquired wealth -- understandable, because these people that could not own land or office, could not join most of the trades and professions, soon found out that money was a very good thing to accumulate. Much harder to take away than land or a store, was a hidden sock of gold and silver coins. Ever resourceful, Edward found a way -- he borrowed money from the Jews to finance imperial ambitions in Europe, especially France . The loans were almost certainly not made gladly, but how do you refuse your King? Especially when he is 'Edward the Hammer'. Then, rather than pay back the debt, Edward simply expelled the Jews. Edward was especially inventive-- he did this twice. After a time, he invited the Jews back to their English homeland, borrowed more money, then expelled them again.
Most people do not know that Spain was one of the early entrants into The Renaissance. People from all over the world came to Spain in the late medieval period. All were welcome -- Arabs, Jews, other Europeans. The University of Salamanca was one of the great centers of learning in the world -- scholars of all nations, all fields came to Salamanca to share their knowledge and their ideas. But in 1492, Ferdinand and Isabella, having driven the last of Moors from the Spanish Shield, were persuaded by the righteous fundamentalists of the time to announce 'The Act of Purification'.
A series of steps were taken in which all Jews and Arabs and other non-Christians were expelled from the country, or would face the tools and the torches of The Inquisition. From this 'cleansing' come the Sephardic Jews -- as opposed to the Ashkenazis of Eastern Europe . In Eastern Europe , the sporadic violence and brutality against Jews are common knowledge.
'Fiddler' without the music and the folksy humor. At times of fury, no accommodation by the Jew was good enough, no profile low enough, no village poor enough or distant enough.
>From these come the near-steady flow of Jews to the United States . And despite the disdain of the Jews by most 'American' Americans, they came to grab the American Dream with both hands, and contributed everything from new ideas of enterprise in retail and entertainment to becoming some of our finest physicians and lawyers. The modern United States , in spite of itself, IS The United States in part because of its Jewish blood.
Then the Nazi Holocaust -- the corralling, sorting, orderly eradication of millions of the people of Moses. Not something that other realms in other times didn't try to do, by the way, the Germans were just more organized and had better murder technology..
I stood in the center of Dachau for an entire day, about 15 years ago, trying to comprehend how this could have happened. I had gone there on a side trip from Munich , vaguely curious about this Dachau . I soon became engulfed in the enormity of what had occurred there nestled in this middle and working class neighborhood.
How could human beings do this to other human beings, hear their cries, their pleas, their terror, their pain, and continue without apparently even wincing? I no longer wonder. At some times, some places, ANY sect of the human race is capable of horrors against their fellow man, whether a member of the Waffen SS, a Serbian sniper, a Turkish policeman in 1920's Armenia, a Mississippi Klansman. Because even in the United States not all was a Rose Garden. For a long time Jews had quotas in our universities and graduate schools. Only so many Jews could be in a medical or law school at one time.
Jews were disparaged widely. I remember as a kid Jewish jokes told without a wince - 'Why do Jews have such big noses?'
Well, now the Jews have a homeland again. A place that is theirs. And that's the point. It doesn't matter how many times the United States and European powers try to rein in Israel, if it comes down to survival of its nation, its people, they will fight like no lioness has ever fought to save her cubs. They will fight with a ferocity, a determination, and a skill, that will astound us.
And many will die, mostly their attackers, I believe. If there were a macabre historical betting parlor, my money would be on the Israelis to be standing at the end. As we killed the kamikazes and the Wehrmacht soldaten of World War II, so will the Israelis kill their suicidal attackers, until there are not enough to torment them.
The irony goes unnoticed -- while we are hammering away to punish those who brought the horrors of last September here, we restrain the Israelis from the same retaliation. Not the same thing, of course -- We are We, They are They. While we mourn and see the at September 11th, we don't notice that Israel has a September 11th sometimes every day.
We may not notice, but it doesn't make any difference. And it doesn't make any difference whether you are pro-Israeli or you think Israel is the bully of the Middle East . If it comes to where a new holocaust looms -- with or without the concurrence of the United States and Europe -- Israel will lash out without pause or restraint at those who would try to annihilate their country.
The Jews will not go quietly again.
Joe McCain
Friday, February 18, 2011
An Open Letter to the Wisconsin Legislature
Members of the Wisconsin State Legislature
I am a small business owner in California. The task of limiting the abuse of power by public service unions in Wisconsin is critical not only to Wisconsin but to we here in California and the rest of the United States as well.
We know that the vast majority of public employee union members are just plain folks, not activists. They have silently enjoyed the ride as their leadership demanded more pay, more benefits and more job security. They have been willing pawns as the union leadership has used their dues to buy political influence far beyond their numbers and to elevate their compensation to unsustainable levels far above those available in the private sector.
It will be a tough and vicious battle but one we cannot afford to lose. The fight has just begun and you are the beachhead, the front line. Do not expect victory without suffering. The unions and the liberal wing of the Democratic Party will throw everything they can at you, You will be threatened’ spat upon and reviled in the media, expect it. Liberal judges will try to hamstring you with appeals and injunctions. It will be ugly but please don’t give up.
This fight is to restore truth and sanity. A battle against fraud corruption and political correctness.. When the battle lines are clearly drawn and the smoke blown away you will find we, the silent majority of Americans, are standing tall with you.
Paul Van Middlesworth
I am a small business owner in California. The task of limiting the abuse of power by public service unions in Wisconsin is critical not only to Wisconsin but to we here in California and the rest of the United States as well.
We know that the vast majority of public employee union members are just plain folks, not activists. They have silently enjoyed the ride as their leadership demanded more pay, more benefits and more job security. They have been willing pawns as the union leadership has used their dues to buy political influence far beyond their numbers and to elevate their compensation to unsustainable levels far above those available in the private sector.
It will be a tough and vicious battle but one we cannot afford to lose. The fight has just begun and you are the beachhead, the front line. Do not expect victory without suffering. The unions and the liberal wing of the Democratic Party will throw everything they can at you, You will be threatened’ spat upon and reviled in the media, expect it. Liberal judges will try to hamstring you with appeals and injunctions. It will be ugly but please don’t give up.
This fight is to restore truth and sanity. A battle against fraud corruption and political correctness.. When the battle lines are clearly drawn and the smoke blown away you will find we, the silent majority of Americans, are standing tall with you.
Paul Van Middlesworth
To rebuild a Jeep . . .
This is one of the coolest things I've ever seen! About 8 soldiers pull up on a main street in Halifax , Nova Scotia on some holiday.They're in a standard issue WWII type Willys Jeep. In the span of about 5 to 6 minutes they completely disassemble the vehicle and reassemble it and drive off in it fully operable! The idea being to show the genius that went into the making of the jeep and its basic simplicity. Fantastic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=lgwF8mdQwlw&feature=player_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=lgwF8mdQwlw&feature=player_embedded
A Carol Burnett Skit that never aire . . . wonder why?
I've seen this a dozen times and I laugh every time. Great!
Tim Conway and Carol Burnett skit that never aired - I wonder why?
NOW, THIS IS FUNNY - For those who are old enough to remember. Click on the link below and enjoy a laugh out loud moment..
http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/75051/detail/
Tim Conway and Carol Burnett skit that never aired - I wonder why?
NOW, THIS IS FUNNY - For those who are old enough to remember. Click on the link below and enjoy a laugh out loud moment..
http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/75051/detail/
Michigan and Detroit Stuff . . .
Michigan & Detroit -- DID YOU KNOW THIS?
From 1910 to 1920, Hamtramck Michigan grew from 3,589
to 45,615 residents, leading the nation in
growth for that period.
During the lumber boom era, the row of saloons
that lined Water Street in Bay City was known
as 'Hell's Half Mile'.
In 1936, Escanaba , Michigan harvested and
processed 100,000 sq. ft. of birds eye maple to be used
in the English Luxury Liner, the Queen Mary.
When the territory of Michigan was created on
Jan. 11, 1805, Detroit was chosen as its capital.
Bagley's Corner was the original name of Bloomfield Hills.
The world's only marble lighthouse is
located on Belle Isle. (Livingston Lighthouse)
Hog's Hollow was the original name of Utica, Mich.
There are over 11,500 lakes in Michigan .
The home offices of Life Savers Candy, Beech-Nut Gum,
and Squirt soft drinks are in Holland , Michigan
In 1870, Detroit became the nation's first
telephone customers to have phone numbers
assigned to them.
Charles A Lindbergh was born in Detroit on Feb. 4,1902.
The Stars and Stripes first flew over Michigan
soil on July 11, 1796.
In Sept. 1908, William C Durant organized
several independent automobile plants into what was to
become General Motors.
Michigan began charging an annual license fee of
50 cents in 1915 for Autos
Michigan 's first police woman began walking
the beat in Detroit in 1893.
In 1942, the Davison Freeway in Detroit was
completed and became the world's first urban freeway.
The first soft drink, (Vernor's Ginger Ale)
was introduced by a Detroit Pharmacist, James A
Vernor, in 1866. Note: There were several
'elixirs' on the market at that time, including what would
later be called Coca Cola. These contained alcohol,
whereas Vernor's didn't. Thus the name 'soft' drink
The intersection of Woodward Avenue and Grand
Avenue in Detroit proudly displayed the world's first
traffic light in 1915, leaders of 19 countries
and 26 States came to check it out in the first six months.
In 1688, Father Jacques Marquette founded
the first permanent settlement in what
would later become Michigan .
The world's first shopping mall (Northland Mall),
opened in the Detroit suburb of Southfield in
1954. Newspapers from overseas as well as
this country wrote that it would never catch on......Duh?
The world's first painted highway center
lines were featured in Trenton, MI in 1911. They were
used in other towns and was how Center Line, MI
got its name.
Michigan ranks Number 1 nationally in the
production of dog sleds.
The nation's largest indoor/outdoor museum
complex is Henry Ford Museum and Greenfield Village .
Opened in 1904, the nation's oldest
freshwater aquarium (was) the Belle Isle Aquarium.
The onion is Michigan 's largest fresh-market vegetable crop.
YOU'RE AN OLD DETROITER (OR JUST OLD) IF........
.... You took a 'moonlight cruise' to Bob-Lo with Captain Bob-Lo or
went to Edgewater Amusement Park .
.... You shopped at Hughes and Hatcher,
B Siegel, Peck and Peck, Himelhochs, Robert Hall, Crowley's,
Shoppers Fair, EJ Korvettes or Federals.
.... You rode the elevator at J. L. Hudson's, which was 'run'
by an elevator operator.
..... You remember a Winkleman's and Sanders store in your neighborhood..
.... You remember the 'Big Snow', Buffalo Bob,
Howdy Doody, Clarabelle, Phineas T. Bluster, Princess
Summer-Fall-Winter-Spring..
.... You remember Twin Pines Dairy delivered milk and
juice to the chute on the side of your house and
Milky the Clown performed magic with the magic words 'Twin Pines.'
You remember the Good Humor man in a white
uniform, ringing the bells as he drove down your street.
.... You remember Olympia Stadium.
..... You remember when Vernors was made on Woodward Ave.,
and a bearded troll was on the bottle.
..... Your Mom got groceries at Great Scott, Food Fair,
Wrigley's or Chatham.
.... Your Mom saved Holden Red Stamps, S&H Green stamps, or Gold Bell
Gift stamps, and you licked them into those little books.
... Kresge's and Woolworth's were 'Dime Stores.'
... You had an uncle in the furniture business (Joshua Door).
..... You know who Bill Kennedy is..
....... You saw the Detroit Lions play football in Tiger Stadium(Briggs).
.... You remember Black Bart and the Faygo song. Or how
about 'Which way did he go? He went for Faygo, old fashion root beer.'
.. You watched Rita Bell's! prize movies in the morning..
.... You remember Jack LeGoff and Van Patrick & Wolf-Man Jack.
..... You remember Milky the Clown, Soupy Sales, Johnny Ginger, Poopdeck
Paul, Captain Jolly, Sagebrush Shorty and maybe even Sergeant Satko Salute..
..... You visited the Wonder Bread Bakery and got to
take home a mini loaf of bread.
.... Your address had a two-digit 'zone' before
there were zip codes. Detroit 19, Michigan .
.... You remember 'Get on the right track at 9 mile and Mack, to get the
best deal in town. Roy O'Brien. it's the best deal in town.'
... You remember a laundry chute and a milk chute and a coal chute.
... You remember going to Detroit Edison with your Mom
to exchange burned out light bulbs for new ones.
From 1910 to 1920, Hamtramck Michigan grew from 3,589
to 45,615 residents, leading the nation in
growth for that period.
During the lumber boom era, the row of saloons
that lined Water Street in Bay City was known
as 'Hell's Half Mile'.
In 1936, Escanaba , Michigan harvested and
processed 100,000 sq. ft. of birds eye maple to be used
in the English Luxury Liner, the Queen Mary.
When the territory of Michigan was created on
Jan. 11, 1805, Detroit was chosen as its capital.
Bagley's Corner was the original name of Bloomfield Hills.
The world's only marble lighthouse is
located on Belle Isle. (Livingston Lighthouse)
Hog's Hollow was the original name of Utica, Mich.
There are over 11,500 lakes in Michigan .
The home offices of Life Savers Candy, Beech-Nut Gum,
and Squirt soft drinks are in Holland , Michigan
In 1870, Detroit became the nation's first
telephone customers to have phone numbers
assigned to them.
Charles A Lindbergh was born in Detroit on Feb. 4,1902.
The Stars and Stripes first flew over Michigan
soil on July 11, 1796.
In Sept. 1908, William C Durant organized
several independent automobile plants into what was to
become General Motors.
Michigan began charging an annual license fee of
50 cents in 1915 for Autos
Michigan 's first police woman began walking
the beat in Detroit in 1893.
In 1942, the Davison Freeway in Detroit was
completed and became the world's first urban freeway.
The first soft drink, (Vernor's Ginger Ale)
was introduced by a Detroit Pharmacist, James A
Vernor, in 1866. Note: There were several
'elixirs' on the market at that time, including what would
later be called Coca Cola. These contained alcohol,
whereas Vernor's didn't. Thus the name 'soft' drink
The intersection of Woodward Avenue and Grand
Avenue in Detroit proudly displayed the world's first
traffic light in 1915, leaders of 19 countries
and 26 States came to check it out in the first six months.
In 1688, Father Jacques Marquette founded
the first permanent settlement in what
would later become Michigan .
The world's first shopping mall (Northland Mall),
opened in the Detroit suburb of Southfield in
1954. Newspapers from overseas as well as
this country wrote that it would never catch on......Duh?
The world's first painted highway center
lines were featured in Trenton, MI in 1911. They were
used in other towns and was how Center Line, MI
got its name.
Michigan ranks Number 1 nationally in the
production of dog sleds.
The nation's largest indoor/outdoor museum
complex is Henry Ford Museum and Greenfield Village .
Opened in 1904, the nation's oldest
freshwater aquarium (was) the Belle Isle Aquarium.
The onion is Michigan 's largest fresh-market vegetable crop.
YOU'RE AN OLD DETROITER (OR JUST OLD) IF........
.... You took a 'moonlight cruise' to Bob-Lo with Captain Bob-Lo or
went to Edgewater Amusement Park .
.... You shopped at Hughes and Hatcher,
B Siegel, Peck and Peck, Himelhochs, Robert Hall, Crowley's,
Shoppers Fair, EJ Korvettes or Federals.
.... You rode the elevator at J. L. Hudson's, which was 'run'
by an elevator operator.
..... You remember a Winkleman's and Sanders store in your neighborhood..
.... You remember the 'Big Snow', Buffalo Bob,
Howdy Doody, Clarabelle, Phineas T. Bluster, Princess
Summer-Fall-Winter-Spring..
.... You remember Twin Pines Dairy delivered milk and
juice to the chute on the side of your house and
Milky the Clown performed magic with the magic words 'Twin Pines.'
You remember the Good Humor man in a white
uniform, ringing the bells as he drove down your street.
.... You remember Olympia Stadium.
..... You remember when Vernors was made on Woodward Ave.,
and a bearded troll was on the bottle.
..... Your Mom got groceries at Great Scott, Food Fair,
Wrigley's or Chatham.
.... Your Mom saved Holden Red Stamps, S&H Green stamps, or Gold Bell
Gift stamps, and you licked them into those little books.
... Kresge's and Woolworth's were 'Dime Stores.'
... You had an uncle in the furniture business (Joshua Door).
..... You know who Bill Kennedy is..
....... You saw the Detroit Lions play football in Tiger Stadium(Briggs).
.... You remember Black Bart and the Faygo song. Or how
about 'Which way did he go? He went for Faygo, old fashion root beer.'
.. You watched Rita Bell's! prize movies in the morning..
.... You remember Jack LeGoff and Van Patrick & Wolf-Man Jack.
..... You remember Milky the Clown, Soupy Sales, Johnny Ginger, Poopdeck
Paul, Captain Jolly, Sagebrush Shorty and maybe even Sergeant Satko Salute..
..... You visited the Wonder Bread Bakery and got to
take home a mini loaf of bread.
.... Your address had a two-digit 'zone' before
there were zip codes. Detroit 19, Michigan .
.... You remember 'Get on the right track at 9 mile and Mack, to get the
best deal in town. Roy O'Brien. it's the best deal in town.'
... You remember a laundry chute and a milk chute and a coal chute.
... You remember going to Detroit Edison with your Mom
to exchange burned out light bulbs for new ones.
Words You Won't Hear Anymore . . .
Be sure to refill the ice trays, we're going to have company.
Watch for the postman, I want to get this letter to Willie in the mail today.
Quit slamming the screen door when you go out!
Be sure and pull the windows down when you leave, it looks like a shower is coming up.
Don't forget to wind the clock before you go to bed.
Wash your feet before you go to bed, you've been playing outside all day barefooted.
Why can't you remember to roll up your britches legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up.
You have torn the knees out of that pair of pants so many times there is nothing left to put a patch on.
Don't you go outside with your school clothes on!
Go comb your hair, it looks like the rats have nested in it all night.
Be sure and pour the cream off the top of the milk when you open the new bottle.
Take that empty bottle to the store with you so you won't have to pay a deposit on another one.
Put a dish towel over the cake so the flies won't get on it.
Quit jumping on the floor! I have a cake in the oven and you are going to make it fall if you don't quit!
Let me know when the Fuller Brush man comes by, I need to get a few things from him.
You boys stay close by, the car may not start and I will need you to help push it off.
There's a dollar in my purse, get 5 gallons of gas when you go to town.
Open the back door and see if we can get a breeze through here, it is getting hot.
You can walk to the store; it won't hurt you to get some exercise.
Don't sit too close to the TV. It is hard on your eyes.
If you pull that stunt again, I am going to wear you out!
Don't lose that button; I'll sew it back on after a while.
Wash under your neck before you come to the table, you have beads of dirt and sweat all under there.
Get out from under the sewing machine; pumping it messes up the thread!
Be sure and fill the lamps this morning so we don't have to do that tonight in the dark.
Here, take this old magazine to the toilet with you when you go, we are almost out of paper out there.
Go out to the well and draw a bucket of water so I can wash dishes.
Don't turn the radio on now, I want the battery to be up when the Grand Ole Opry comes on.
No! I don't have 10 cents for you to go to the show. Do you think money grows on trees?
Eat those turnips, they'll make you big and strong like your daddy.
That dog is NOT coming in this house! I don't care how cold it is out there, dogs don't stay in the house.
Sit still! I'm trying to get your hair cut straight and you keep moving and it is all messed up.
Hush your mouth! I don't want to hear words like that! I'll wash your mouth out with soap!
It is time for your system to be cleaned out. I am going to give you a dose of castor oil tonight.
If you get a spanking in school and I find out about it, you'll get another one when you get home.
Quit crossing your eyes! They will get stuck that way!
Soak your foot in this pan of kerosene so that bad cut won't get infected.
When you take your driving test, don't forget to signal each turn.
Left arm straight out the window for a left turn;
left arm bent up at the elbow for a right turn;
and straight down to the side of the door when you are going to stop.
It's: 'Yes Ma'am!' and 'No Ma'am!' to me, young man, and don't you forget it!
Y'all come back now, ya hear.
I truly regret some of you are young enough that you missed out on most of these great memories!
Watch for the postman, I want to get this letter to Willie in the mail today.
Quit slamming the screen door when you go out!
Be sure and pull the windows down when you leave, it looks like a shower is coming up.
Don't forget to wind the clock before you go to bed.
Wash your feet before you go to bed, you've been playing outside all day barefooted.
Why can't you remember to roll up your britches legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up.
You have torn the knees out of that pair of pants so many times there is nothing left to put a patch on.
Don't you go outside with your school clothes on!
Go comb your hair, it looks like the rats have nested in it all night.
Be sure and pour the cream off the top of the milk when you open the new bottle.
Take that empty bottle to the store with you so you won't have to pay a deposit on another one.
Put a dish towel over the cake so the flies won't get on it.
Quit jumping on the floor! I have a cake in the oven and you are going to make it fall if you don't quit!
Let me know when the Fuller Brush man comes by, I need to get a few things from him.
You boys stay close by, the car may not start and I will need you to help push it off.
There's a dollar in my purse, get 5 gallons of gas when you go to town.
Open the back door and see if we can get a breeze through here, it is getting hot.
You can walk to the store; it won't hurt you to get some exercise.
Don't sit too close to the TV. It is hard on your eyes.
If you pull that stunt again, I am going to wear you out!
Don't lose that button; I'll sew it back on after a while.
Wash under your neck before you come to the table, you have beads of dirt and sweat all under there.
Get out from under the sewing machine; pumping it messes up the thread!
Be sure and fill the lamps this morning so we don't have to do that tonight in the dark.
Here, take this old magazine to the toilet with you when you go, we are almost out of paper out there.
Go out to the well and draw a bucket of water so I can wash dishes.
Don't turn the radio on now, I want the battery to be up when the Grand Ole Opry comes on.
No! I don't have 10 cents for you to go to the show. Do you think money grows on trees?
Eat those turnips, they'll make you big and strong like your daddy.
That dog is NOT coming in this house! I don't care how cold it is out there, dogs don't stay in the house.
Sit still! I'm trying to get your hair cut straight and you keep moving and it is all messed up.
Hush your mouth! I don't want to hear words like that! I'll wash your mouth out with soap!
It is time for your system to be cleaned out. I am going to give you a dose of castor oil tonight.
If you get a spanking in school and I find out about it, you'll get another one when you get home.
Quit crossing your eyes! They will get stuck that way!
Soak your foot in this pan of kerosene so that bad cut won't get infected.
When you take your driving test, don't forget to signal each turn.
Left arm straight out the window for a left turn;
left arm bent up at the elbow for a right turn;
and straight down to the side of the door when you are going to stop.
It's: 'Yes Ma'am!' and 'No Ma'am!' to me, young man, and don't you forget it!
Y'all come back now, ya hear.
I truly regret some of you are young enough that you missed out on most of these great memories!
Two Mexicans are on a bike along U.S. 90 about 15 miles outside of Lafayette, LA. One of the bike's tires goes flat and they start hitching a lift back into town.
A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Mexicans ask him for a ride. He tells them he has no room in the Trailer as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls.
The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit into the back with their bike, will he take them back into town and he agrees.
They manage to squeeze themselves and their bike into the back and the driver shuts the doors and gets on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts the hammer down.
Sure enough a blonde cop pulls him over for speeding. The lady officer asks the driver what he is carrying, to which the driver jokingly replies 'Mexican eggs.
The Blond Lady Cop obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look in the trailer. She opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it.
She gets on her radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible plus the Swat Team.
The dispatcher asks what emergency she has that requires so many officers.
'I've got a Tractor-Trailer stopped with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it.. Two have hatched and they've already managed to steal a bicycle.'
A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Mexicans ask him for a ride. He tells them he has no room in the Trailer as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls.
The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit into the back with their bike, will he take them back into town and he agrees.
They manage to squeeze themselves and their bike into the back and the driver shuts the doors and gets on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts the hammer down.
Sure enough a blonde cop pulls him over for speeding. The lady officer asks the driver what he is carrying, to which the driver jokingly replies 'Mexican eggs.
The Blond Lady Cop obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look in the trailer. She opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it.
She gets on her radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible plus the Swat Team.
The dispatcher asks what emergency she has that requires so many officers.
'I've got a Tractor-Trailer stopped with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it.. Two have hatched and they've already managed to steal a bicycle.'
Murder at Walmart
Tired of constantly Being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife With himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
A 'friend of a friend' pPut him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie
insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened
his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the
dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart
Store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded
to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman
drew her last breath & slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce
department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to
leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to
strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband
who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the Newspaper, the headline declared...
'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WAL-MART!
Oh, quit groaning! I don't write this stuff.
A 'friend of a friend' pPut him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie
insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened
his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the
dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart
Store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded
to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman
drew her last breath & slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce
department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to
leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to
strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband
who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the Newspaper, the headline declared...
'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WAL-MART!
Oh, quit groaning! I don't write this stuff.
Nat'l Anthem at the Super Bowl - an editorial
“So, with all the kindness I can muster, I give this one piece of advice
to the next pop star who is asked to sing the national anthem at a
sporting event: save the vocal gymnastics and the physical gyrations for
your concerts. Just sing this song the way you were taught to sing it in
kindergarten — straight up, no styling. Sing it with the constant
awareness that there are soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines watching
you from bases and outposts all over the world. Don't make them cringe
with your self-centered ego gratification. Sing it as if you are
standing before a row of 86-year-old WWII vets wearing their Purple
Hearts, Silver Stars and flag pins on their cardigans and you want them
to be proud of you for honoring them and the country they love — not
because you want them to think you are a superstar musician. They could
see that from the costumes, the makeup and the entourages. Sing “The
Star Spangled Banner” with the courtesy and humility that tells the
audience that it is about America, not you.”
to the next pop star who is asked to sing the national anthem at a
sporting event: save the vocal gymnastics and the physical gyrations for
your concerts. Just sing this song the way you were taught to sing it in
kindergarten — straight up, no styling. Sing it with the constant
awareness that there are soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines watching
you from bases and outposts all over the world. Don't make them cringe
with your self-centered ego gratification. Sing it as if you are
standing before a row of 86-year-old WWII vets wearing their Purple
Hearts, Silver Stars and flag pins on their cardigans and you want them
to be proud of you for honoring them and the country they love — not
because you want them to think you are a superstar musician. They could
see that from the costumes, the makeup and the entourages. Sing “The
Star Spangled Banner” with the courtesy and humility that tells the
audience that it is about America, not you.”
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Watson, the back story . . .
An amusing take on Watson . . . the computer that beat the Jeopardy whiz-kids. (A brief commercial first) . . .
http://www.slatev.com/video/ibms-watson-untold-story/
http://www.slatev.com/video/ibms-watson-untold-story/
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
NORTH PLATTE CANTEEN
Note from Lyle: I grew up in Nebraska. It's a great state with a lot of great people, as this video will show. While I don't miss the Nebraska winters, I do miss the people. They are rather special.
Great video. I didn't know about North Platte Canteen until I saw this video.
This is awesome. I had never heard this before. It gave me chills....
PLEASE TAKE A MINUTE TO WATCH....YOU'LL NOT REGRET A MINUTE!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=07DGeLvDw8I
Great video. I didn't know about North Platte Canteen until I saw this video.
This is awesome. I had never heard this before. It gave me chills....
PLEASE TAKE A MINUTE TO WATCH....YOU'LL NOT REGRET A MINUTE!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=07DGeLvDw8I
Before You Go . . .
Before You Go
This is beautiful. Whenever we go to the airport where you see so many of our current young men & women proudly wearing their military uniforms, I always take time to walk up to them & thank them for their service. It doesn't take you but a few minutes, but I know it means the world to them. Do take the time, it will give you a wonderfully warm feeling & I'm sure it gives them the same. They go through such much trying to keep all of us safe, the least we can do is thank them. Joyce
Please read to the end and then click on the website --- this is wonderful!
The elderly parking lot attendant wasn't in a good mood!
Neither was Sam Bierstock. It was around 1 a.m., and Bierstock, a Delray Beach, Fla., eye doctor, business consultant, corporate speaker, and musician was bone tired after appearing at an event.
He pulled up in his car and the parking attendant began to speak. "I took two bullets for this country and look what I'm doing," he said bitterly.
At first, Bierstock didn't know what to say to the World War II veteran. But he rolled down his window and told the man, "Really, from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you."
Then the old soldier began to cry.
"That really got to me," Bierstock says.
Cut to today.
Bierstock, 58, and John Melnick, 54, of Pompano Beach -- a member of Bierstock's band, Dr. Sam and the Managed Care Band, have written a song inspired by that old soldier in the airport parking lot. The mournful "Before You Go" does more than salute those who fought in WWII. It encourages people to go out of their way to thank the aging warriors before they die.
"If we had lost that particular war, our whole way of life would have been shot," says Bierstock, who plays harmonica. "The WW II soldiers are now dying at the rate of about 2,000 every day, and I thought we needed to thank them."
The song is striking a chord. Within four days of Bierstock's placing it on the Web, the song and accompanying photo essay have bounced around nine countries, producing tears and heartfelt thanks from veterans, their sons and daughters, and grandchildren.
"It made me cry," wrote one veteran's son. Another sent an e-mail saying that only after his father consumed several glasses of wine would he discuss "the unspeakable horrors" he and other soldiers had witnessed in places such as Anzio, Iwo Jima, Bataan, and Omaha Beach. "I can never thank them enough," the son wrote. "Thank you for thinking about them."
Bierstock and Melnick thought about shipping it off to a professional singer, maybe a Lee Greenwood type, but because time was running out for so many veterans, they decided it was best to release it quickly, for free, on the Web. They've sent the song to Sen. John McCain and others in Washington.
Already they have been invited to perform it in Houston for a Veterans' Day tribute -- this after just a few days on the Web. They hope every veteran in America gets a chance to hear it.
GOD BLESS EVERY VETERAN.....and THANK you to those of you veterans who may receive this!
CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO HEAR THE SONG AND SEE THE PICTURES:
Before You Go...
This is beautiful. Whenever we go to the airport where you see so many of our current young men & women proudly wearing their military uniforms, I always take time to walk up to them & thank them for their service. It doesn't take you but a few minutes, but I know it means the world to them. Do take the time, it will give you a wonderfully warm feeling & I'm sure it gives them the same. They go through such much trying to keep all of us safe, the least we can do is thank them. Joyce
Please read to the end and then click on the website --- this is wonderful!
The elderly parking lot attendant wasn't in a good mood!
Neither was Sam Bierstock. It was around 1 a.m., and Bierstock, a Delray Beach, Fla., eye doctor, business consultant, corporate speaker, and musician was bone tired after appearing at an event.
He pulled up in his car and the parking attendant began to speak. "I took two bullets for this country and look what I'm doing," he said bitterly.
At first, Bierstock didn't know what to say to the World War II veteran. But he rolled down his window and told the man, "Really, from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you."
Then the old soldier began to cry.
"That really got to me," Bierstock says.
Cut to today.
Bierstock, 58, and John Melnick, 54, of Pompano Beach -- a member of Bierstock's band, Dr. Sam and the Managed Care Band, have written a song inspired by that old soldier in the airport parking lot. The mournful "Before You Go" does more than salute those who fought in WWII. It encourages people to go out of their way to thank the aging warriors before they die.
"If we had lost that particular war, our whole way of life would have been shot," says Bierstock, who plays harmonica. "The WW II soldiers are now dying at the rate of about 2,000 every day, and I thought we needed to thank them."
The song is striking a chord. Within four days of Bierstock's placing it on the Web, the song and accompanying photo essay have bounced around nine countries, producing tears and heartfelt thanks from veterans, their sons and daughters, and grandchildren.
"It made me cry," wrote one veteran's son. Another sent an e-mail saying that only after his father consumed several glasses of wine would he discuss "the unspeakable horrors" he and other soldiers had witnessed in places such as Anzio, Iwo Jima, Bataan, and Omaha Beach. "I can never thank them enough," the son wrote. "Thank you for thinking about them."
Bierstock and Melnick thought about shipping it off to a professional singer, maybe a Lee Greenwood type, but because time was running out for so many veterans, they decided it was best to release it quickly, for free, on the Web. They've sent the song to Sen. John McCain and others in Washington.
Already they have been invited to perform it in Houston for a Veterans' Day tribute -- this after just a few days on the Web. They hope every veteran in America gets a chance to hear it.
GOD BLESS EVERY VETERAN.....and THANK you to those of you veterans who may receive this!
CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO HEAR THE SONG AND SEE THE PICTURES:
Before You Go...
God Sent Them . . .
God Sent Them
A fifth grader asked her mother the age-old question,
'How did I get here?'
Her mother told her, 'God sent you.'
'Did God send you, too?' asked the child.
'Yes, Dear,' the mother replied.
'What about Grandma and Grandpa?' the child persisted
'He sent them also,' the mother said.
'Did he send their parents, too?' asked the child.
'Yes, Dear, He did,' said the mother patiently.
'So you're telling me that there has been NO sex in this family for 200 years?
No wonder everyone's so grouchy around here!'
A fifth grader asked her mother the age-old question,
'How did I get here?'
Her mother told her, 'God sent you.'
'Did God send you, too?' asked the child.
'Yes, Dear,' the mother replied.
'What about Grandma and Grandpa?' the child persisted
'He sent them also,' the mother said.
'Did he send their parents, too?' asked the child.
'Yes, Dear, He did,' said the mother patiently.
'So you're telling me that there has been NO sex in this family for 200 years?
No wonder everyone's so grouchy around here!'
New Bra Technology
Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a
bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and
prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather
sets in.
At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of
men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.
Twilight Landing at LAX
Cockpit view of a twilight landing at Los Angeles airport
Great fun, especially if you're familiar with L. A. geography
(Note: The sound on this is, I think, way too loud. You can turn the sound down on the YouTube control panel, left hand side, next to the speaker symbol. Other than that . . . an enjoyable video.)
A fantastic video showing the STAR (Standard Terminal Arrival Route) into Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) complete with music and a compressed time frame of 4 minutes and 6 seconds. While this is not an AA flight, many of us have flown the exact same route hundreds of times. In great weather, one never tires of the phenomenal view of the Los Angeles area (hopefully without smog). This particular video is shot around twilight...showing the vivid hues and colors following a sunset. The landing takes place on Runway 24R which is the northern most complex of east-west runways at LAX. After touch down, you'll see the aircraft taxi southbound to arrive on the south side of the airport for parking at gate 68A. As some point out, be sure to view this with full screen and in 720p high density.
The producer of this video did an outstanding job!
Also select 720p it makes a huge difference full screen.
Cockpit view of a twilight landing at Los Angeles airport compressed into about 4 minutes. Be sure to view this in full screen to see how awsome it really is!
Good audio track too!
http://www.wxpnews.com/110208-Twilight
Great fun, especially if you're familiar with L. A. geography
(Note: The sound on this is, I think, way too loud. You can turn the sound down on the YouTube control panel, left hand side, next to the speaker symbol. Other than that . . . an enjoyable video.)
A fantastic video showing the STAR (Standard Terminal Arrival Route) into Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) complete with music and a compressed time frame of 4 minutes and 6 seconds. While this is not an AA flight, many of us have flown the exact same route hundreds of times. In great weather, one never tires of the phenomenal view of the Los Angeles area (hopefully without smog). This particular video is shot around twilight...showing the vivid hues and colors following a sunset. The landing takes place on Runway 24R which is the northern most complex of east-west runways at LAX. After touch down, you'll see the aircraft taxi southbound to arrive on the south side of the airport for parking at gate 68A. As some point out, be sure to view this with full screen and in 720p high density.
The producer of this video did an outstanding job!
Also select 720p it makes a huge difference full screen.
Cockpit view of a twilight landing at Los Angeles airport compressed into about 4 minutes. Be sure to view this in full screen to see how awsome it really is!
Good audio track too!
http://www.wxpnews.com/110208-Twilight
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
